Read Online The Girl in the Window by Valerie Douglas - Free Book Online
Authors: Valerie Douglas
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she kept herself still.
As conscious of Josh as she was of the horse, Beth reached into her pocket for the apple she had tucked in there and held it out even as Josh joined her at the rail, his movements slow, steady, measured. He was so close she could feel the heat of his body radiate against her skin, as soft as a caress.
Slowly, carefully, the horse reached his great head forward to take the treat from her palm.
In the next instant, Beth was moving away. She wasn’t conscious of the making the decision to go.
She couldn’t handle it. Memories rushed through her, and with it the pain she’d kept at bay for so long.
It was too soon. She’d thought she could but she couldn’t. She’d thought she could stand the closeness, but she’d been wrong.
Her breath short, she was almost running when she hit the back door and darted inside the house.
For a moment, she simply stood inside the kitchen trying to resolve the sheer terror and pain that seemed as if they were drowning her.
She couldn’t breathe as panic flooded her.
It was too much, too soon.
She wanted to weep with want, with need, with fear.
Breathless, she stood in the kitchen panting, blinking back tears, fighting the urge to weep.
She fought a solitary battle for control, her breath shuddering in her chest, trying not to cry for fear of what might happen once she started. Bowing her head, she fought back the tears and wished for a shoulder to cry on, but there was none.
The only one who might have was out there by the paddock.
It was as if she were drawn down the hall and into her old bedroom, drawn to the window there.
Josh was gone.
She closed her eyes and tears slid down her cheeks. Each breath was half a sob.
It was too soon.
She’d been standing right here when they came to bring her the news, here it was she had stood as the words had fallen, each word striking her like stones.
Tears fell like rain as they hadn’t that day. She’d been dry-eyed at first, dry-eyed as they had spoken to her, the sheriffs’ in their crisp formal uniforms. One had his hat in his hands, circling the brim with them nervously. There had been sympathy in his eyes. Sorrow.
At first she’d been dry-eyed because she couldn’t believe the terrible things they were saying, it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be right, it couldn’t be real.
Some part of her had almost expected it, had believed – even as she’d hoped and prayed otherwise – that she didn’t deserve to be happy. That something could and would go wrong.
Then something had.
Wrapping her arms around herself, Beth choked back the great wracking sobs.
It had been real.
Sweet Matthew .
Just the thought of him twisted her heart painfully, the memory of his face fading over time as she’d forced herself not to think of him. Not to long for him.
She missed him so much.
For once in her life things had seemed to be going right.
The first she’d known about the house had been when the lawyers finally found her. It had seemed like a blessing after all the years of struggling to get through college, to find the way to pay for it, working two jobs sometimes to afford it.
She’d only met her parents once after they’d taken her, just before they released her from foster care.
It had been a mistake on everyone’s part. They’d been strangers to her, her parents, cold, distant people she didn’t know who just as clearly didn’t know her. Nothing had been eased or changed by her mother’s death a few years later either. Her father had accepted her presence at the funeral as if it were only right, but hardly welcome. Mourners had been few. Beth had felt like a stranger among these people who’d known her parents but not known her. She hadn’t bothered to introduce herself, there was no one there she wanted to know.
The woman in the coffin had barely resembled the woman she remembered as her mother.
But there had been Matt and Ruth to help her through it.
Sweet, kind Matt, holding her
As conscious of Josh as she was of the horse, Beth reached into her pocket for the apple she had tucked in there and held it out even as Josh joined her at the rail, his movements slow, steady, measured. He was so close she could feel the heat of his body radiate against her skin, as soft as a caress.
Slowly, carefully, the horse reached his great head forward to take the treat from her palm.
In the next instant, Beth was moving away. She wasn’t conscious of the making the decision to go.
She couldn’t handle it. Memories rushed through her, and with it the pain she’d kept at bay for so long.
It was too soon. She’d thought she could but she couldn’t. She’d thought she could stand the closeness, but she’d been wrong.
Her breath short, she was almost running when she hit the back door and darted inside the house.
For a moment, she simply stood inside the kitchen trying to resolve the sheer terror and pain that seemed as if they were drowning her.
She couldn’t breathe as panic flooded her.
It was too much, too soon.
She wanted to weep with want, with need, with fear.
Breathless, she stood in the kitchen panting, blinking back tears, fighting the urge to weep.
She fought a solitary battle for control, her breath shuddering in her chest, trying not to cry for fear of what might happen once she started. Bowing her head, she fought back the tears and wished for a shoulder to cry on, but there was none.
The only one who might have was out there by the paddock.
It was as if she were drawn down the hall and into her old bedroom, drawn to the window there.
Josh was gone.
She closed her eyes and tears slid down her cheeks. Each breath was half a sob.
It was too soon.
She’d been standing right here when they came to bring her the news, here it was she had stood as the words had fallen, each word striking her like stones.
Tears fell like rain as they hadn’t that day. She’d been dry-eyed at first, dry-eyed as they had spoken to her, the sheriffs’ in their crisp formal uniforms. One had his hat in his hands, circling the brim with them nervously. There had been sympathy in his eyes. Sorrow.
At first she’d been dry-eyed because she couldn’t believe the terrible things they were saying, it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be right, it couldn’t be real.
Some part of her had almost expected it, had believed – even as she’d hoped and prayed otherwise – that she didn’t deserve to be happy. That something could and would go wrong.
Then something had.
Wrapping her arms around herself, Beth choked back the great wracking sobs.
It had been real.
Sweet Matthew .
Just the thought of him twisted her heart painfully, the memory of his face fading over time as she’d forced herself not to think of him. Not to long for him.
She missed him so much.
For once in her life things had seemed to be going right.
The first she’d known about the house had been when the lawyers finally found her. It had seemed like a blessing after all the years of struggling to get through college, to find the way to pay for it, working two jobs sometimes to afford it.
She’d only met her parents once after they’d taken her, just before they released her from foster care.
It had been a mistake on everyone’s part. They’d been strangers to her, her parents, cold, distant people she didn’t know who just as clearly didn’t know her. Nothing had been eased or changed by her mother’s death a few years later either. Her father had accepted her presence at the funeral as if it were only right, but hardly welcome. Mourners had been few. Beth had felt like a stranger among these people who’d known her parents but not known her. She hadn’t bothered to introduce herself, there was no one there she wanted to know.
The woman in the coffin had barely resembled the woman she remembered as her mother.
But there had been Matt and Ruth to help her through it.
Sweet, kind Matt, holding her
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