hard to find people around Derby that cared about the fate of penguins AND believed in ancient Mayan prophecies (???).
Did the ancient Mayans predict my dad could be a bit of a tit?!
S UNDAY 10 TH J ANUARY
11.22 a.m.
Got up this morning to find a note from my brother pinned to the kitchen wall:
Only my brother could cause havoc with a sausage!
11.57 a.m.
KEITH HAS JUST SPENT 20 MINUTES SURGICALLY REMOVING THE SAUSAGE!
He said it was a âcomplicated jobâ but âquite easyâ for a plumber. Keith said, âWhen youâve removed an entire manâs shirt from a bathroom system, Hattie, a sausage is a piece of cake.â
Nathan just grunted something, made himself a full fry-up and took it to his bedroom.
OMG! RUDE! I know Keith deserted us but if he gets the oven to actually work again he AT LEAST deserves a âTA, MATEâ. I realize that would mean Nathan using a sentence of more than 1 word but COME ON!
12.35 p.m.
Nathan and me have just had the following discussion FULL-ON argument:
ME:
That was a really kind thing to do.
NATHAN:
What?
ME:
Rescuing the sausage!
NATHAN:
Hattie â removing a pork product from the back of an oven does not make up for leaving Mum, having nothing to do with us FOR ALL OUR LIVES and turning up only because YOU, MISS BLOODY MARPLE, go looking for him.
ME:
Itâs MEAT. He hates MEAT. He touched MEAT so you could eat MORE FRIED DEAD THINGS!
NATHAN:
So that means I should just forgive and forget everything?!
You canât argue with him. Keith overheard and said, âThank you for trying, Hattie â thatâs really kind.â
The weird thing is, I would LOVE Keith and Nathan to get on, but the thought of him getting on with MGK is just ⦠WRONG. But then, how could he? She is EVERYTHING that he should NOT like.
4.46 p.m.
Keith came back after 2 and a half hours this afternoon and announced heâd been on a ânature walkâ with MGK. Apparently she loves deer. MGK loves deer?! Since when?!
I want massive antlers so I can BUTT MGK in her perfect bum.
M ONDAY 11 TH J ANUARY
4.23 p.m.
In English today Dr Richards told us we had to write about a TV show that we hate. Dimple wrote about
EastEnders
as there is too much sex in it â apparently watching it with her parents is like âslowly dying of embarrassmentâ. Her dad starts coughing and her mum has a sudden need to descale the kettle. Weirdo Jen said she hated most TV as it stopped her âexperiencing the actual fabric of reality and feeling natureâ â though she did like things with David Attenborough (Jen, are you 80?).
I said I hated the
Green Balloon Club
as children should be kept from arguments about the environment â itâs totally boring and not all about being nice to badgers.
Keith has made me cross about badgers a bit. Itâs not their fault. I donât want them culled. I just want them to, in their stripy way, STOP MGK and Keith clicking!
7.57 p.m.
Shouldnât I feel closer to Keith by now? Shouldnât there be something DEEP and biological that just kicks in? Sometimes I just feel annoyed by him â he âembracesâ the sun every morning. Jen does that and I LOVE her. Why donât I love Keith COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY like Mum and Rob?!
I love Rob more than my REAL dad. Thatâs not right, is it?
T UESDAY 12 TH J ANUARY
4.32 p.m.
MAHOOSIVE downer.
Me and Jen have totally fallen out.
Iâm gutted.
Jen said that ever since my dad arrived Iâve changed. Apparently Iâve been âdeliberately argumentativeâ (she always uses too-long words) about âthings that really matter nowâ!
I said, âJen, I would actually put an ENTIRE whale in a sandwich RIGHT NOW. I am so sick of everything being GREEN.â Jen said that was the most stupid thing she had EVER heard and it showed how little I knew because you would never find bread big enough to fit a whale in. Even a wafer-thin slice!
Did the ancient Mayans predict my dad could be a bit of a tit?!
S UNDAY 10 TH J ANUARY
11.22 a.m.
Got up this morning to find a note from my brother pinned to the kitchen wall:
Only my brother could cause havoc with a sausage!
11.57 a.m.
KEITH HAS JUST SPENT 20 MINUTES SURGICALLY REMOVING THE SAUSAGE!
He said it was a âcomplicated jobâ but âquite easyâ for a plumber. Keith said, âWhen youâve removed an entire manâs shirt from a bathroom system, Hattie, a sausage is a piece of cake.â
Nathan just grunted something, made himself a full fry-up and took it to his bedroom.
OMG! RUDE! I know Keith deserted us but if he gets the oven to actually work again he AT LEAST deserves a âTA, MATEâ. I realize that would mean Nathan using a sentence of more than 1 word but COME ON!
12.35 p.m.
Nathan and me have just had the following discussion FULL-ON argument:
ME:
That was a really kind thing to do.
NATHAN:
What?
ME:
Rescuing the sausage!
NATHAN:
Hattie â removing a pork product from the back of an oven does not make up for leaving Mum, having nothing to do with us FOR ALL OUR LIVES and turning up only because YOU, MISS BLOODY MARPLE, go looking for him.
ME:
Itâs MEAT. He hates MEAT. He touched MEAT so you could eat MORE FRIED DEAD THINGS!
NATHAN:
So that means I should just forgive and forget everything?!
You canât argue with him. Keith overheard and said, âThank you for trying, Hattie â thatâs really kind.â
The weird thing is, I would LOVE Keith and Nathan to get on, but the thought of him getting on with MGK is just ⦠WRONG. But then, how could he? She is EVERYTHING that he should NOT like.
4.46 p.m.
Keith came back after 2 and a half hours this afternoon and announced heâd been on a ânature walkâ with MGK. Apparently she loves deer. MGK loves deer?! Since when?!
I want massive antlers so I can BUTT MGK in her perfect bum.
M ONDAY 11 TH J ANUARY
4.23 p.m.
In English today Dr Richards told us we had to write about a TV show that we hate. Dimple wrote about
EastEnders
as there is too much sex in it â apparently watching it with her parents is like âslowly dying of embarrassmentâ. Her dad starts coughing and her mum has a sudden need to descale the kettle. Weirdo Jen said she hated most TV as it stopped her âexperiencing the actual fabric of reality and feeling natureâ â though she did like things with David Attenborough (Jen, are you 80?).
I said I hated the
Green Balloon Club
as children should be kept from arguments about the environment â itâs totally boring and not all about being nice to badgers.
Keith has made me cross about badgers a bit. Itâs not their fault. I donât want them culled. I just want them to, in their stripy way, STOP MGK and Keith clicking!
7.57 p.m.
Shouldnât I feel closer to Keith by now? Shouldnât there be something DEEP and biological that just kicks in? Sometimes I just feel annoyed by him â he âembracesâ the sun every morning. Jen does that and I LOVE her. Why donât I love Keith COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY like Mum and Rob?!
I love Rob more than my REAL dad. Thatâs not right, is it?
T UESDAY 12 TH J ANUARY
4.32 p.m.
MAHOOSIVE downer.
Me and Jen have totally fallen out.
Iâm gutted.
Jen said that ever since my dad arrived Iâve changed. Apparently Iâve been âdeliberately argumentativeâ (she always uses too-long words) about âthings that really matter nowâ!
I said, âJen, I would actually put an ENTIRE whale in a sandwich RIGHT NOW. I am so sick of everything being GREEN.â Jen said that was the most stupid thing she had EVER heard and it showed how little I knew because you would never find bread big enough to fit a whale in. Even a wafer-thin slice!
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