and that âpreserving life is more importantâ. Apparently this is why men start wars!
The thing is, as women, do we need to get tougher and squash pets to win the battle of the sexes?
11.32 p.m.
Goose just texted to say he saw my mum save the cat and he thought it was amazing. Goose is what my gran calls one of these ânew men â they even do the hoovering if you ask them and hand-wash your tightsâ!
I wish he was my man. OH, GOOSE â WHY DIDNâT YOU SEE MY LUST STORM?!
F RIDAY 15 TH J ANUARY
4.47 p.m.
Dear MGK â STOP SMIRKING at me at the side of your actual face every day at school. You are getting totally on my nerves.
Love , Whatever,
Hattie
7.23 p.m.
I just canât think of romance properly while Keith is around. I should be building my relationship with him but ITâS HARD. I look a bit like him but thatâs it. Heâs OK. Sometimes heâs actually really sweet, but then he does mad stuff. Gran says sheâs even had to hide her broken biscuits because he doesnât like preservatives and E numbers.
7.55 p.m.
OMG â perhaps MGK is right. Perhaps Gran does have a lorry-driver boyfriend who brings her stolen goods off the back of his truck!
8.29 p.m.
I asked Gran about the biscuits. She looked a bit weird and said it was someone she knew with a âconnectionâ. Her pensionersâ club is just full of old people doing illegal stuff because the police would never suspect them. Apparently no one thinks youâre a criminal if youâve got a Zimmer frame or if you buy seedless raspberry jam (âseeds play merry hell with your denturesâ).
9.14 p.m.
I wonder if Iâm a stealing genius like my grandad the thieving postie. Perhaps itâs genetic. Iâve realized a lot of things are. I think I do get my caring bit from Keith despite the fact that he totally left us.
9.35 p.m.
Gran says Iâm not built for a life of crime. She can tell Iâm lying just by the way my knee twitches. Apparently Iâd crack easily under interrogation and torture.
9.59 p.m.
Keith wants to spend time with me tomorrow. I hope it doesnât involve deer.
S ATURDAY 16 TH J ANUARY
4.55 p.m.
MENTAL DAY!
I went to see Keith and Gran. Gran irons shirts before she sends them to charity shops! She says, âEven really poor people and the homeless should have standards, Hattie â how else will they get a job?â
Keith was very impressed that Gran recycles clothes. When she heard this Gran threatened to just put clothes in the bin â and she didnât mean the recycling one!
Then Keith decided we should âupcycleâ Granâs dreadful wardrobe into something âretro fabulousâ. Itâs apparently what he does on his âoccasionalâ market stall. This is the wardrobe that no one speaks of. The BAD family secret that Mum warned me about. Granâs wardrobe â the wardrobe of PURE FASH HORROR! The wardrobe stacked full of BAD TASTE BARGAINS AND NEEDLEWORK GONE WRONG.
While we were sorting through Granâs stuff I asked Keith why heâd left and NEVER got in touch. I think I wanted some better answers.
KEITH:
Hattie, I was a very different person back then. I couldnât cope with the chaos Iâd created. Your gran said it was best for me to go, too. She was right. They needed plumbers in Australia and I â look â I just wasnât very nice. Thatâs the truth.
ME:
But didnât you ever think of me? Of us?
KEITH:
Yes. Of course. ALL the time. BUT itâs not simple. It seems like a different world down there. Itâs so far away. This place seemed like a different planet. I was changing too. I could start again. No one knew me. I ran away, I suppose. I thought if I got in touch it wouldâ¦
ME:
Would what?
KEITH:
Complicate things. Rob has been an amazing dad to you.
ME:
I know that! BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT IN TOUCH.
KEITH:
I know. Iâm sorry. I just began to see that I
The thing is, as women, do we need to get tougher and squash pets to win the battle of the sexes?
11.32 p.m.
Goose just texted to say he saw my mum save the cat and he thought it was amazing. Goose is what my gran calls one of these ânew men â they even do the hoovering if you ask them and hand-wash your tightsâ!
I wish he was my man. OH, GOOSE â WHY DIDNâT YOU SEE MY LUST STORM?!
F RIDAY 15 TH J ANUARY
4.47 p.m.
Dear MGK â STOP SMIRKING at me at the side of your actual face every day at school. You are getting totally on my nerves.
Love , Whatever,
Hattie
7.23 p.m.
I just canât think of romance properly while Keith is around. I should be building my relationship with him but ITâS HARD. I look a bit like him but thatâs it. Heâs OK. Sometimes heâs actually really sweet, but then he does mad stuff. Gran says sheâs even had to hide her broken biscuits because he doesnât like preservatives and E numbers.
7.55 p.m.
OMG â perhaps MGK is right. Perhaps Gran does have a lorry-driver boyfriend who brings her stolen goods off the back of his truck!
8.29 p.m.
I asked Gran about the biscuits. She looked a bit weird and said it was someone she knew with a âconnectionâ. Her pensionersâ club is just full of old people doing illegal stuff because the police would never suspect them. Apparently no one thinks youâre a criminal if youâve got a Zimmer frame or if you buy seedless raspberry jam (âseeds play merry hell with your denturesâ).
9.14 p.m.
I wonder if Iâm a stealing genius like my grandad the thieving postie. Perhaps itâs genetic. Iâve realized a lot of things are. I think I do get my caring bit from Keith despite the fact that he totally left us.
9.35 p.m.
Gran says Iâm not built for a life of crime. She can tell Iâm lying just by the way my knee twitches. Apparently Iâd crack easily under interrogation and torture.
9.59 p.m.
Keith wants to spend time with me tomorrow. I hope it doesnât involve deer.
S ATURDAY 16 TH J ANUARY
4.55 p.m.
MENTAL DAY!
I went to see Keith and Gran. Gran irons shirts before she sends them to charity shops! She says, âEven really poor people and the homeless should have standards, Hattie â how else will they get a job?â
Keith was very impressed that Gran recycles clothes. When she heard this Gran threatened to just put clothes in the bin â and she didnât mean the recycling one!
Then Keith decided we should âupcycleâ Granâs dreadful wardrobe into something âretro fabulousâ. Itâs apparently what he does on his âoccasionalâ market stall. This is the wardrobe that no one speaks of. The BAD family secret that Mum warned me about. Granâs wardrobe â the wardrobe of PURE FASH HORROR! The wardrobe stacked full of BAD TASTE BARGAINS AND NEEDLEWORK GONE WRONG.
While we were sorting through Granâs stuff I asked Keith why heâd left and NEVER got in touch. I think I wanted some better answers.
KEITH:
Hattie, I was a very different person back then. I couldnât cope with the chaos Iâd created. Your gran said it was best for me to go, too. She was right. They needed plumbers in Australia and I â look â I just wasnât very nice. Thatâs the truth.
ME:
But didnât you ever think of me? Of us?
KEITH:
Yes. Of course. ALL the time. BUT itâs not simple. It seems like a different world down there. Itâs so far away. This place seemed like a different planet. I was changing too. I could start again. No one knew me. I ran away, I suppose. I thought if I got in touch it wouldâ¦
ME:
Would what?
KEITH:
Complicate things. Rob has been an amazing dad to you.
ME:
I know that! BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT IN TOUCH.
KEITH:
I know. Iâm sorry. I just began to see that I
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