Read Online Baby Love Lite by Andrea Smith - Free Book Online

I lost it. “What the hell!”
I screamed, startling both Trey and the baby as I slammed the knife
down on the chopping block.
    I saw Preston’s little face scrunch up in
tears; her thumb went immediately into her mouth.
    She buried her face into Trey’s chest and
whimpered against him. Trey gathered her closer to him as if he was
protecting her from me - the enemy. This was so unfamiliar to her.
It was unfamiliar to all of us.
    “ I take good care of my
baby!” I yelled. “Who are you to tell me otherwise?” I pushed past
Trey and Preston, tossing the dish towel I'd wiped my hands with
back behind me where it floated to the floor.
    I didn’t stick around to watch as Trey’s face
took on a totally different persona. I heard him start the
automatic timer on Preston’s swing and imagined that he'd placed
her there so that he could deal with me. I was glad, in that moment
that I'd fled the room for my own safety. I found my solace in our
own room, flinging myself on the bed. My body was racked with sobs
and tears. It was only moments before Trey was there on the bed,
sitting down beside me. He observed my meltdown. He did nothing,
letting me sob for a while. He probably figured that was my ‘just
desserts’ for losing it out there in front of the baby.
    “ Tylar,” he finally implored
in a soft and sane tone, “what the hell is going on?”
    I sat up and looked at him, brushing the
tears from my face. I gathered courage from somewhere in the depths
of my being. “I can’t take it when you say that I’m not a good
mother,” I choked, still fighting tears. “I love that baby more
than life itself. Don’t you get that?”
    He was watching me quizzically, almost as if
he thought I'd gone off of the deep end. “Sweetie,” he said softly,
“I wasn’t criticizing you in any way, shape or form. This is all
new to me as well. It was just that when I changed her diaper, I
was kind of . . . well, taken aback at the rash she has going on. I
didn’t mean to accuse you of not taking care of her properly.
Please believe me.”
    I was still sobbing, letting all of my fears
and tension release for now. I felt better in doing so. I'd needed
this release. My only regret was that my husband and daughter had
witnessed it. I hadn’t wanted that at all.
    “ Trey,” I said, sighing
heavily, “This has been a very tough day on me. I’m shaken because
of Jean and what Gina is going through, but I’m also worried about
Preston.”
    “ Baby, it’s just a rash,” he
started.
    “ No, not just the rash,” I
explained tentatively, “I’ve been having nightmares about Preston.
It’s as if I can’t keep her safe. There’s nothing more definitive
than that in my dreams. I’m worried.”
    “ Sweetie,” he started,
“you're a new mom, but I promise you that you're doing everything
right. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
    Trey was just not getting it. He didn't
realize the depths of my concern and my fear for her. He didn’t
know just how worried I'd become. He was staring at me now. It was
that look I'd seen before as if he expected me to crumble into a
million pieces. Our reverie was broken by the sound of the baby
crying. It was her hungry cry; I recognized it. I felt the
‘letdown’ in my breasts. My milk was coming in and my breasts were
full and begging for release.
    I couldn’t handle nursing her right now. I
couldn’t deal with the closeness that came with nursing my baby
girl. Trey watched as I did nothing after hearing the sound of her
cry. He left the room and promptly returned holding Preston,
bringing her toward me and holding her for me to take. I took her
from him tentatively. She recognized my touch, my scent, my
nearness. I held her close and she immediately started nuzzling
against me. She wanted her fulfillment from me; I wasn’t prepared
to give it to her right now. I was starting to have fears and
apprehension where she was concerned. Trey was watching me, his
face not bothering to mask his