following the rules all the time?
At first, sheâd thought that he was just pulling her chain; taking the role of the devilâs advocate, tempting her with a wild lifestyle that they both knew she could never live. But after a few weeks of the recurring theme, sheâd come to realize that he was serious. It was, she came to realize, the kind of life that Brad had chosen for himselfâno fixed address, no responsibilities. Just a laptop, a few clothes, and a sense of adventure. A modern-day cowboy.
But she couldnât do that, she explained. Her dad needed her around; not just to make sure that there was food to eat at night, but also just to be there as company. Since Mom died, he needed company.
Brad thought she was crazy. Family was an anchor, heâd told her. To liveâto really live âshe needed to be out on her own. Brad offered to be her travel guide. It was fun to think about, but totally out of the question.
Until today. And maybe even today wouldnât have pushed her over the edge if it hadnât been for last night. Yesterday afternoon, actually, after her doctorâs appointment where theyâd laid out a new torture theyâd dreamed up for her. She was doing pretty well, theyâd told her, all things considered, but to make sure that everything stayed on track, they had this nifty new technology they wanted her to play lab rat on: a pump that they would install in her gut to keep a constant flow of hormones into her system to keep the vessels in her lungs open. It was great, they told her; the next best thing to the transplants she needed, only there was one hitchâone little teensy detail that she probably should know about: It would mean a three-week hospital stay, hooked up to machines that would monitor every twitch of her heart and every squirt of her kidneys.
No flippinâ way. Three weeks ? In the hospital ? What were they smoking? Oh, and to make it even more outrageous, there was no guarantee on the other end. The treatment might work wonders, or it might do nothing at all. The only constantâthe only bet-your-ass guaranteeâwas that sheâd lose three weeks of her fifty-two-week life span to somebodyâs chemistry experiment.
âAbsolutely not,â sheâd told them. And when they looked stunned, she said it again. âWhich part of ânoâ confuses you?â
And dear old Dad, God bless him, was on their side. âHoney, itâs for your own good,â he told her. âWeâre only thinking of whatâs best for you.â
Yeah, well, chemo was for Momâs own good, too. It was what was best for her, and look where it got her: sheâd puked herself all the way to her grave. No one could explain to Nicki how slow poisoning in a hospital, surrounded by strangers, was a better way to die than just letting nature do her thing, surrounded by friends. Dead was dead, right?
The doctors had all kinds of euphemisms for it allâfinal decisions and terminal courses and God only knew what elseâbut when you cut through all the bullshit, it all added up the same: she had a year left in which to live a lifetime. She could do it her way and have fun, or she could do it her dadâs way and be miserable. Did they think there was even a choice to be made?
The argument had continued all the way out of the doctorâs office, all the way home, and all the way through the evening. It wasnât a discussion or a presentation of opinions, it was a real argument, and her father wasnât about to lose. âWeâre not discussing this, Nicolette,â heâd said, his face red and his eyes redder. âI know you donât think this is fair, but you donât have a vote. Youâre a minor, and youâll do what I tell you.â
âI wonât,â sheâd countered. âYou canât make me. If they hook me up, Iâll just undo the leads. Iâm not spending a twelfth of
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