drawer of my desk and went downstairs to see what My Faith was going to make us for dinner. Actually, I just wanted to talk to someone. I didnât want to play my radio or watch television. It seemed wrong to do any of that so soon after Willieâs funeral, but I was having trouble with my loneliness.
Lila had wanted to stay home from school and be with me every day, but her mother didnât think she should, and besides, how could I get the schoolwork if she was home, too? At least I had something to look forward to in the afternoon, and although I didnât want to ask or admit it to her, I was interested in what the others in our class were doing. It bothered me when I thought about these things, because I thought I shouldnât, not yet, but I couldnât help it just as much as I couldnât help taking another breath.
Maybe Lila can stay for dinner tonight , I thought. With Uncle Bobby gone, the table would seem so empty, and I was actually afraid of my grandfather talking about the poisoned boy, afraid that neither of us would mention Willieâs name, either now or ever, just the way Grandpa avoided talking about my parents.
Unfortunately, Lila couldnât stay. She hadnât told me, but her parents were taking her and her older sister out to celebrate her father getting a major promotion at his company. I could see it was something she had known about for a few days, but she had been reluctant to mention good news. Like most people right now, she didnât want to make it seem like everything was just hunky-dory for them while everything was horrible for me.
âEveryone asks about you every day, especially Mr. Leshner,â she said to make me feel a little better.
Mr. Leshner was our social studies teacher. Everyone agreed that he made the subject interesting. I had never gotten anything less than an A in his class, and he kept predicting I would be the valedictorian when I was a senior.
âAnd, of course, Aaron,â she added.
As hard as I tried, I couldnât push him or the things we had all planned to do during the upcoming Christmas break out of my mind. Lila and I had been toying with the idea of having our own New Yearâs Eve party and sneaking in some alcoholic drinks. Her parents were considering letting us use their house. Some of our other girlfriends would stay over, too, maybe even one or two of the boys.
But that was all before.
This afternoon, as we did some homework together, she made a few comments about people in school, but not once did she mention Willie, nor did I.
Grandpa came home just before she left. He looked in on us. It was the first time he had done so this week.
âHello, girls,â he said.
âHi, Mr. Arnold.â
âJoining us for dinner, Lila?â
âNot tonight.â
âHer parents are taking them out to celebrate her fatherâs promotion,â I explained for her quickly.
âOh, great. I think I heard something about that. Congratulate your dad for me.â
âI will.â
He nodded, glanced at me, and walked on to his room.
âEveryone wonders if your grandfather will ever remarry,â Lila said. It took me by complete surprise. âDo you?â she asked.
âNo,â I said. The whole idea seemed foreign, even a little terrifying to me.
âI heard my mother talking to some of her friends about him. They all think heâs very handsome but also the most eligible bachelor because heâs so rich and successful.â
âHeâs not a bachelor. Heâs a widower,â I said.
âHeâs not old,â she said, with an insistence that annoyed me.
âHe canât love anyone like he loved my grandmother. Any other woman would be quite disappointed.â
She shrugged. âMaybe he canât, but he can love someone enough to marry her, canât he?â
I didnât reply. I looked at my math book instead.
âI guess Iâd better start
Lila had wanted to stay home from school and be with me every day, but her mother didnât think she should, and besides, how could I get the schoolwork if she was home, too? At least I had something to look forward to in the afternoon, and although I didnât want to ask or admit it to her, I was interested in what the others in our class were doing. It bothered me when I thought about these things, because I thought I shouldnât, not yet, but I couldnât help it just as much as I couldnât help taking another breath.
Maybe Lila can stay for dinner tonight , I thought. With Uncle Bobby gone, the table would seem so empty, and I was actually afraid of my grandfather talking about the poisoned boy, afraid that neither of us would mention Willieâs name, either now or ever, just the way Grandpa avoided talking about my parents.
Unfortunately, Lila couldnât stay. She hadnât told me, but her parents were taking her and her older sister out to celebrate her father getting a major promotion at his company. I could see it was something she had known about for a few days, but she had been reluctant to mention good news. Like most people right now, she didnât want to make it seem like everything was just hunky-dory for them while everything was horrible for me.
âEveryone asks about you every day, especially Mr. Leshner,â she said to make me feel a little better.
Mr. Leshner was our social studies teacher. Everyone agreed that he made the subject interesting. I had never gotten anything less than an A in his class, and he kept predicting I would be the valedictorian when I was a senior.
âAnd, of course, Aaron,â she added.
As hard as I tried, I couldnât push him or the things we had all planned to do during the upcoming Christmas break out of my mind. Lila and I had been toying with the idea of having our own New Yearâs Eve party and sneaking in some alcoholic drinks. Her parents were considering letting us use their house. Some of our other girlfriends would stay over, too, maybe even one or two of the boys.
But that was all before.
This afternoon, as we did some homework together, she made a few comments about people in school, but not once did she mention Willie, nor did I.
Grandpa came home just before she left. He looked in on us. It was the first time he had done so this week.
âHello, girls,â he said.
âHi, Mr. Arnold.â
âJoining us for dinner, Lila?â
âNot tonight.â
âHer parents are taking them out to celebrate her fatherâs promotion,â I explained for her quickly.
âOh, great. I think I heard something about that. Congratulate your dad for me.â
âI will.â
He nodded, glanced at me, and walked on to his room.
âEveryone wonders if your grandfather will ever remarry,â Lila said. It took me by complete surprise. âDo you?â she asked.
âNo,â I said. The whole idea seemed foreign, even a little terrifying to me.
âI heard my mother talking to some of her friends about him. They all think heâs very handsome but also the most eligible bachelor because heâs so rich and successful.â
âHeâs not a bachelor. Heâs a widower,â I said.
âHeâs not old,â she said, with an insistence that annoyed me.
âHe canât love anyone like he loved my grandmother. Any other woman would be quite disappointed.â
She shrugged. âMaybe he canât, but he can love someone enough to marry her, canât he?â
I didnât reply. I looked at my math book instead.
âI guess Iâd better start
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