me. "Tell me."
"You know when I ran into you yesterday?"
"Of course."
"Well, I was on the way to the police station."
"You were?" He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "Why? Did someone do something to you?"
"No. It was…something I did. By accident. Sort of."
There was an unfamiliar tension in his eyes. "Carly, just tell me what happened."
"I found out that my boss is involved in something illegal. And I kind of got myself involved in it too, but I didn't mean to."
"What are you talking about?"
"I found a big bag of pills in a package I delivered."
" You delivered ? I thought you said you just answered the phones."
"I do," I said defensively for no good reason. "Normally. It doesn't matter why, I just made one delivery and it had drugs."
"And you're sure they were illegal?"
"Well, they weren't vitamins. And doctors don't send pills in unmarked boxes, right?"
"No," he said, looking away from me. "No they don't."
"So…that's it. I wanted to report it but was afraid I'd get in trouble or something."
"Why would you think you'd get in trouble."
"Because." My voice broke. "I saw them when I opened the package. But I still delivered them."
Sam dropped my arm and stood. He backed away a few steps and rubbed his hands over his face. "Oh shit."
"I know. That's why I'm so freaked out. I don't know what to do and I know I shouldn't have told you and dragged you into this but I didn't know what else to do and I'm so confused." My breath was coming in shallow pants and tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.
"This is really fucked," Sam said.
I sniffled and glanced up at him. I'd been expecting surprise and comfort. Instead he looked sick. "Sam, I'm not a drug dealer or anything. Stop looking at me like that."
"Stop. Don't say anything else."
"What?" I stood too, reaching out a hand to him. "I know this is nuts but-"
"I'm serious. You can't say another word to me about this."
"I-I…"
"For fuck's sake, do you have any idea what you just did?" His voice boomed, echoing in my small space.
"Yes. But why are you shouting at me? Why are you acting like I did something to you?"
"Because you did." He paused and lowered his voice. "You've put me in an impossible situation."
"I-I don't understand."
"I'm a cop, Carly. On the narcotics squad."
"You…you're a police officer?" I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold it together, struggling to process that piece of information. "But…you never said. You didn't tell me."
"That's really not the issue right now."
"Right. Okay." I crossed to the window, staring out into the city. Little things about Sam started to make sense to me. His watchfulness, how perceptive he was. And seeing him at the police station closest to my work.
"Wait," I said, gears turning in my mind. "Was it really a coincidence running into you yesterday? Have you been investigating my boss?"
"Are you insane? You think I'm dating you to get information?"
"No." My head was pounding. "I don't know. Are you?"
"Shit. Of course not." The anger drained from his face. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. But you really caught me off guard."
"Well you did the same to me! I can't believe this."
"Look, calm down. Let's sit down and talk this through."
"No," I said, shaking. "You need to leave. This is too much. Way too much for me right now."
"Carly, don't be like that. We need to talk." He reached out to touch my arm but I shrank away.
"I said no. Please, get out of here."
"Just-"
"Now."
Sam looked at me with a combination of anger and sadness, shrugged, and left.
I climbed into bed fully clothed and cried for a long time. For me, for Sam, for the night of passion we should have been sharing, for everything.
Chapter Seven
How I managed to get through the night and the next morning was a miracle. I walked into the office like a zombie, barely aware of anything except the emotions coursing through me. I went through the motions all morning, but everything seemed
"You know when I ran into you yesterday?"
"Of course."
"Well, I was on the way to the police station."
"You were?" He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "Why? Did someone do something to you?"
"No. It was…something I did. By accident. Sort of."
There was an unfamiliar tension in his eyes. "Carly, just tell me what happened."
"I found out that my boss is involved in something illegal. And I kind of got myself involved in it too, but I didn't mean to."
"What are you talking about?"
"I found a big bag of pills in a package I delivered."
" You delivered ? I thought you said you just answered the phones."
"I do," I said defensively for no good reason. "Normally. It doesn't matter why, I just made one delivery and it had drugs."
"And you're sure they were illegal?"
"Well, they weren't vitamins. And doctors don't send pills in unmarked boxes, right?"
"No," he said, looking away from me. "No they don't."
"So…that's it. I wanted to report it but was afraid I'd get in trouble or something."
"Why would you think you'd get in trouble."
"Because." My voice broke. "I saw them when I opened the package. But I still delivered them."
Sam dropped my arm and stood. He backed away a few steps and rubbed his hands over his face. "Oh shit."
"I know. That's why I'm so freaked out. I don't know what to do and I know I shouldn't have told you and dragged you into this but I didn't know what else to do and I'm so confused." My breath was coming in shallow pants and tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.
"This is really fucked," Sam said.
I sniffled and glanced up at him. I'd been expecting surprise and comfort. Instead he looked sick. "Sam, I'm not a drug dealer or anything. Stop looking at me like that."
"Stop. Don't say anything else."
"What?" I stood too, reaching out a hand to him. "I know this is nuts but-"
"I'm serious. You can't say another word to me about this."
"I-I…"
"For fuck's sake, do you have any idea what you just did?" His voice boomed, echoing in my small space.
"Yes. But why are you shouting at me? Why are you acting like I did something to you?"
"Because you did." He paused and lowered his voice. "You've put me in an impossible situation."
"I-I don't understand."
"I'm a cop, Carly. On the narcotics squad."
"You…you're a police officer?" I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold it together, struggling to process that piece of information. "But…you never said. You didn't tell me."
"That's really not the issue right now."
"Right. Okay." I crossed to the window, staring out into the city. Little things about Sam started to make sense to me. His watchfulness, how perceptive he was. And seeing him at the police station closest to my work.
"Wait," I said, gears turning in my mind. "Was it really a coincidence running into you yesterday? Have you been investigating my boss?"
"Are you insane? You think I'm dating you to get information?"
"No." My head was pounding. "I don't know. Are you?"
"Shit. Of course not." The anger drained from his face. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. But you really caught me off guard."
"Well you did the same to me! I can't believe this."
"Look, calm down. Let's sit down and talk this through."
"No," I said, shaking. "You need to leave. This is too much. Way too much for me right now."
"Carly, don't be like that. We need to talk." He reached out to touch my arm but I shrank away.
"I said no. Please, get out of here."
"Just-"
"Now."
Sam looked at me with a combination of anger and sadness, shrugged, and left.
I climbed into bed fully clothed and cried for a long time. For me, for Sam, for the night of passion we should have been sharing, for everything.
Chapter Seven
How I managed to get through the night and the next morning was a miracle. I walked into the office like a zombie, barely aware of anything except the emotions coursing through me. I went through the motions all morning, but everything seemed
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