about Hottie Matt, but that Frank guy? He couldn’t keep his eyes off you all through the drive over here.”
“I know. I caught him watching me through the rear-view mirror.”
“He’s kinda cute, isn’t he?”
“I like him. If he would ask me out on a date, I wouldn’t think twice. What about you and Hottie Matt?”
Yvonne grimaced. “I don’t think he likes me very much. Men don’t like it when women kick their ass.”
“Some men do.”
“I don’t think he’s that type of man. And besides, I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m ugly.” She slumped a bit in her seat.
“Nonsense. I’ve seen him look at you. I’m sure he thinks you’re hot.”
“No, he doesn’t. He thinks I’m fat. All the guys think I’m fat. Because I am fat,” she added in a demonstration of irrefutable logic.
“How many times do I have to tell you, V. You’re not fat. You’re big-boned. If I had bones like you, you wouldn’t call me fat, would you?”
Yvonne shrugged. “I guess not.”
“Well, then? Hottie Matt likes you and Hottie Frank likes me,” she said adamantly. “We’re ASS femme fatales, that’s what we are. Now all we need to find out is who’s trying to sabotage us.”
“I think I’m the one trying to sabotage this operation.” Yvonne shook her head sadly. “I keep messing up. First I beat up Hottie Matt yesterday, and now I beat up that civil servant person and that creepy bike messenger?”
Izzy could see her friend was suffering, and she reached out a hand and gave her arm a tight squeeze. “You saved our lives, V. You didn’t mess up. If it hadn’t been for you, that creepy bike messenger guy would have shot us stone cold dead.”
“I don’t think so,” Yvonne countered. “Hottie Matt would have sprung up from his hiding place and kicked that creep’s butt. He was just biding his time until he was close enough.” She nodded. “Yep. Hottie Matt would have saved us if I hadn’t gone and screwed things up.”
Izzy patted her friend’s arm. “Don’t say such things. It makes me feel sad when you talk like that.”
“It makes me feel sad when I talk like that.”
“Then don’t,” Izzy suggested reasonably. “You know it’s not true. You saved our lives and that’s how it is. Nothing you say can make me change my mind about that. You’re a real hero, V, and I’m proud to be your friend.”
“Aww, that’s nice of you to say, Iz.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Aww.”
“It is.” She suddenly raised her voice. “Good thing we caught that spy, huh?”
“Huh?”
Izzy gestured at the coffee machine, which she felt was the most likely suspect to conceal a camera.
Yvonne quickly caught on. “Oh. Oh! Oh, yes. Good thing we caught that nasty spy!”
“We caught him all right. Red-handed!” She quickly rose to her feet, and moved over to the coffee machine, giving Yvonne a conspiratorial wink.
“We caught him with his hands down the cookie jar!” bellowed Yvonne, also extracting her bulk from the chair and toddling over to the coffee machine.
“I’m gonna give you a big clue now, V.”
“A big clue?”
“Yeah. The biggest clue. So you listen carefully now, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
She quickly mouthed ‘one-two-three’, then both women suddenly pounced on the coffee machine.
“Gotcha!” screeched Izzy.
“Busted!” boomed Yvonne.
Izzy slapped the top of the machine, while Yvonne wriggled its snout. Nothing happened.
“It’s inside the machine!” yelled Izzy, her cheeks glowing red.
“Stand back!” growled Yvonne, and yanked a small cannon from her pocket.
Izzy squealed. “You go, girl!”
Yvonne raised the pea-shooter to eye level and took direct aim at the coffee machine. “Take this, you scum!”
“What’s going—”
Izzy turned to see who’d joined him just when Yvonne fired the first round. There was a sound like a minor gas explosion, and the next moment, the coffee maker erupted into a geyser of coffee spraying in every
“I know. I caught him watching me through the rear-view mirror.”
“He’s kinda cute, isn’t he?”
“I like him. If he would ask me out on a date, I wouldn’t think twice. What about you and Hottie Matt?”
Yvonne grimaced. “I don’t think he likes me very much. Men don’t like it when women kick their ass.”
“Some men do.”
“I don’t think he’s that type of man. And besides, I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m ugly.” She slumped a bit in her seat.
“Nonsense. I’ve seen him look at you. I’m sure he thinks you’re hot.”
“No, he doesn’t. He thinks I’m fat. All the guys think I’m fat. Because I am fat,” she added in a demonstration of irrefutable logic.
“How many times do I have to tell you, V. You’re not fat. You’re big-boned. If I had bones like you, you wouldn’t call me fat, would you?”
Yvonne shrugged. “I guess not.”
“Well, then? Hottie Matt likes you and Hottie Frank likes me,” she said adamantly. “We’re ASS femme fatales, that’s what we are. Now all we need to find out is who’s trying to sabotage us.”
“I think I’m the one trying to sabotage this operation.” Yvonne shook her head sadly. “I keep messing up. First I beat up Hottie Matt yesterday, and now I beat up that civil servant person and that creepy bike messenger?”
Izzy could see her friend was suffering, and she reached out a hand and gave her arm a tight squeeze. “You saved our lives, V. You didn’t mess up. If it hadn’t been for you, that creepy bike messenger guy would have shot us stone cold dead.”
“I don’t think so,” Yvonne countered. “Hottie Matt would have sprung up from his hiding place and kicked that creep’s butt. He was just biding his time until he was close enough.” She nodded. “Yep. Hottie Matt would have saved us if I hadn’t gone and screwed things up.”
Izzy patted her friend’s arm. “Don’t say such things. It makes me feel sad when you talk like that.”
“It makes me feel sad when I talk like that.”
“Then don’t,” Izzy suggested reasonably. “You know it’s not true. You saved our lives and that’s how it is. Nothing you say can make me change my mind about that. You’re a real hero, V, and I’m proud to be your friend.”
“Aww, that’s nice of you to say, Iz.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Aww.”
“It is.” She suddenly raised her voice. “Good thing we caught that spy, huh?”
“Huh?”
Izzy gestured at the coffee machine, which she felt was the most likely suspect to conceal a camera.
Yvonne quickly caught on. “Oh. Oh! Oh, yes. Good thing we caught that nasty spy!”
“We caught him all right. Red-handed!” She quickly rose to her feet, and moved over to the coffee machine, giving Yvonne a conspiratorial wink.
“We caught him with his hands down the cookie jar!” bellowed Yvonne, also extracting her bulk from the chair and toddling over to the coffee machine.
“I’m gonna give you a big clue now, V.”
“A big clue?”
“Yeah. The biggest clue. So you listen carefully now, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
She quickly mouthed ‘one-two-three’, then both women suddenly pounced on the coffee machine.
“Gotcha!” screeched Izzy.
“Busted!” boomed Yvonne.
Izzy slapped the top of the machine, while Yvonne wriggled its snout. Nothing happened.
“It’s inside the machine!” yelled Izzy, her cheeks glowing red.
“Stand back!” growled Yvonne, and yanked a small cannon from her pocket.
Izzy squealed. “You go, girl!”
Yvonne raised the pea-shooter to eye level and took direct aim at the coffee machine. “Take this, you scum!”
“What’s going—”
Izzy turned to see who’d joined him just when Yvonne fired the first round. There was a sound like a minor gas explosion, and the next moment, the coffee maker erupted into a geyser of coffee spraying in every
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