He gestured with open arms to the larger machines all around us.
My hopes soared for an instant until they were once again clipped and cut; shot down to earth with definitive, sickening speed by his next statement. “It cannot last forever.”
C HAPTER 9
“I AM TO DIE, THEN?”
He tilted his head thoughtfully and ran his hand back through his stubborn, silver hair.
“We are all to die, girl. The question remains just when.” He frowned now and sat taller in his seat. “What I meant was that your heart cannot stand, even still, the continued jolts from this improved, less violent device. You need something so small, so intricate, and yet so dependable that it can fortify the strength of your heart to beat on without assaulting it in the attempt to render aid.” He waved beyond the machines to the bookshelves lining the far wall. “I am working on that. In the meantime, I hope you will gain strength, and I will have enough time to refine the device that will truly make you as well as you can possibly be.”
He stood up and moved closer to the table. He grasped hold of his nearby listening scope and applied it to my chest. His touch, even in this simplest fashion, made every emotion within me swell like shifting seas. I tried to still myself from shaking as he listened and nodded.
“While I cannot be certain of it, because there can never be absolute certainty in something like this, I believe the time has come to try.” He roped the length of the scope around his neck and returned his eyes to mine. “Are you ready?”
“I am ready to live or die, sir, but one thing I am not ready to do is to continue to merely exist in the nothingness between. Do what you must.”
He nodded again, this time in approval. “So I shall.”
He turned away and began switching, one by one, dials and levers on the panel to their off position. The whirring hum of each mechanism slowed and was finally snuffed into silence, and in the newly quieted room I could hear the sound of his rapid breaths and knew he was, beneath his calm exterior, anxious just as I was.
Each in turn, he disconnected the leading wires on my chest from the larger machines and attached them instead to the smaller device, which was about the size of a ladies' train case but apparently much heavier, given the effort it took him to move it.
When all was done and finished, he again wiped the perspiration from his brow and focused on me intently. His eyes questioned if I was ready to see what would happen next; his head moved up and down to convey that he was.
I mirrored his motion and then closed my eyes.
“Breathe steadily,” he instructed. “I know the instinct is to hold your breath, but that will only complicate matters.”
I clasped my lower lip between my teeth for an instant, then realized I should not; if the machine should immediately fire a shock, I might impale it. I released it and inhaled as deeply as I could.
My heart had already started to slow, and I braced myself for the charge I was certain would come the moment he turned the device on.
Indeed the charge did come, but this one was, as he'd planned, much less abusive to my body as a whole.
When it was over, I reluctantly opened clenched eyelids. I blinked once, twice, three times.
I inhaled and exhaled again, and for the first time in a very long time, the act felt almost a natural thing. My eyes instantly filled with tears at the realization, and in response Quinn emphatically slammed a fist onto the top of the table beside me.
“Yes!” he exclaimed. “Yes, I knew that you would be able to…” He stopped and suddenly glared at me; leaving me bewildered, forced to wonder what could have prompted the instantaneous change in his demeanor.
“What's wrong?” I asked, truly terrified. He turned away. His hands moved with furious motions as he began to coil up strands of loose wire, efficiently taking up and securing the slack.
“I…” he began, stopping to clear his throat. “I
My hopes soared for an instant until they were once again clipped and cut; shot down to earth with definitive, sickening speed by his next statement. “It cannot last forever.”
C HAPTER 9
“I AM TO DIE, THEN?”
He tilted his head thoughtfully and ran his hand back through his stubborn, silver hair.
“We are all to die, girl. The question remains just when.” He frowned now and sat taller in his seat. “What I meant was that your heart cannot stand, even still, the continued jolts from this improved, less violent device. You need something so small, so intricate, and yet so dependable that it can fortify the strength of your heart to beat on without assaulting it in the attempt to render aid.” He waved beyond the machines to the bookshelves lining the far wall. “I am working on that. In the meantime, I hope you will gain strength, and I will have enough time to refine the device that will truly make you as well as you can possibly be.”
He stood up and moved closer to the table. He grasped hold of his nearby listening scope and applied it to my chest. His touch, even in this simplest fashion, made every emotion within me swell like shifting seas. I tried to still myself from shaking as he listened and nodded.
“While I cannot be certain of it, because there can never be absolute certainty in something like this, I believe the time has come to try.” He roped the length of the scope around his neck and returned his eyes to mine. “Are you ready?”
“I am ready to live or die, sir, but one thing I am not ready to do is to continue to merely exist in the nothingness between. Do what you must.”
He nodded again, this time in approval. “So I shall.”
He turned away and began switching, one by one, dials and levers on the panel to their off position. The whirring hum of each mechanism slowed and was finally snuffed into silence, and in the newly quieted room I could hear the sound of his rapid breaths and knew he was, beneath his calm exterior, anxious just as I was.
Each in turn, he disconnected the leading wires on my chest from the larger machines and attached them instead to the smaller device, which was about the size of a ladies' train case but apparently much heavier, given the effort it took him to move it.
When all was done and finished, he again wiped the perspiration from his brow and focused on me intently. His eyes questioned if I was ready to see what would happen next; his head moved up and down to convey that he was.
I mirrored his motion and then closed my eyes.
“Breathe steadily,” he instructed. “I know the instinct is to hold your breath, but that will only complicate matters.”
I clasped my lower lip between my teeth for an instant, then realized I should not; if the machine should immediately fire a shock, I might impale it. I released it and inhaled as deeply as I could.
My heart had already started to slow, and I braced myself for the charge I was certain would come the moment he turned the device on.
Indeed the charge did come, but this one was, as he'd planned, much less abusive to my body as a whole.
When it was over, I reluctantly opened clenched eyelids. I blinked once, twice, three times.
I inhaled and exhaled again, and for the first time in a very long time, the act felt almost a natural thing. My eyes instantly filled with tears at the realization, and in response Quinn emphatically slammed a fist onto the top of the table beside me.
“Yes!” he exclaimed. “Yes, I knew that you would be able to…” He stopped and suddenly glared at me; leaving me bewildered, forced to wonder what could have prompted the instantaneous change in his demeanor.
“What's wrong?” I asked, truly terrified. He turned away. His hands moved with furious motions as he began to coil up strands of loose wire, efficiently taking up and securing the slack.
“I…” he began, stopping to clear his throat. “I
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