Read Online Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life by Valerie Bertinelli - Free Book Online

pool instead,” he said.
    As we walked inside and got back into bed, I knew that I was experiencing a massive lesson in maintenance. Directly and indirectly, I was being shown that it could be difficult whether it had to do with weight, cars, or a house. Had I thought about it, I would have seen that I had hit my goal when I bought the house, when Ipurchased that Q7, and when I lost 40 pounds; and I would have realized that in each case those were the easy parts. The upkeep was much harder. It didn’t end.
    This was all a metaphor for a much bigger lesson I was supposed to learn: take action earlier and not wait until there was a problem.
    I had to have my own “Holy shit” moment before I got the message. Until then, I had my ever-vigilant boyfriend, who was more than happy to keep me on track. Tom rolled into the kitchen one afternoon looking pleased with himself. The only thing he liked better than having things under control was explaining to me exactly what he had done to get everything in its rightful place, and this was one of those moments. He had just come back from the Audi dealer. They had finally taken back our lemon, but because we loved the car itself, Tom had negotiated for a new Q7.
    He led me outside to see it. He ran his hand across the side like a salesman proud of the shine and then opened the door so I could get a whiff of that wonderful new car smell.
    “It’s nice,” I said.
    “Want to know something even better?” he asked.
    “I do.”
    “I figured out why I’m in your life,” he said.
    “Why?” I asked.
    “It’s so I can tell you when your warning lights are on.”

Notes to Myself

Ed came over to pick up Wolfie and take him to rehearsal. I was glad to see he looked good. He talked about himself for an hour. Never mind me hosting a talk show. What about Ed?
As he packed to go back on the road, I asked Wolfie if he had taken enough underwear. Tom chimed in, “He’s a rock star now. You need to be more concerned about girlfriends and groupies taking his underwear off.” Then, of course, I smashed Wolfie’s guitar over Tom’s head.
I discovered that people other than me think of the grocery store as a holy place. Today I saw a woman in the produce department holding up a head of cauliflower as she asked, “God, do you think anyone will eat this?”
What if losing weight meant getting rid of the “weight” we carry on our shoulders and inside?

Chapter Five
Blended, Not Stirred
    One afternoon before Wolfie left to go back on tour, Tom came downstairs from the boys’ room making a face and shaking his head in a way that I knew meant trouble. Neither Wolfie nor Tony was home, so I couldn’t imagine the reason, other than maybe he had found cigarettes, booze, or drugs, which he quickly assured me he hadn’t. It was worse: he had gone into the boys’ bathroom. Sparing me most of the details, he simply termed it a disaster.
    “They pee like horses,” he said. “I mean, I’ve heard about blended families. But it doesn’t have to be in puddles on the floor!”
    “Gross!” I squealed.
    “Seriously, it’s like using a water cannon on a house plant. Would it be bad if I asked them to sit on the toilet?”
    I looked up at Tom with a blank stare. He had asked one of the few questions that could render me silent. Not about the guys sitting on the toilet, which seemed like something he needed to talkto them about among themselves. But the implicit question was about how best to have your kids live together. Ordinarily, I have plenty to say when the subject turns to blended families. Long before Wolfie was born and even more so afterward, I was clear that family is the most important thing in my life. I have been quoted often as saying that motherhood is my favorite role. When I met Tom, who has four children, the part got way more complicated.
    In fact, after Tom’s rant about the pee in the boys’ bathroom, my thoughts suddenly lit on the plans I still needed to make before his