Read Online Darkness & Shadows by Andrew E. Kaufman - Free Book Online Page B

He could never resist the sad face. He could also hear Dr. Ready explaining that his compulsion to list was his child’s mind stuffing away the emotions. He smiled at the dog. Once again, Bullet to the rescue. The boy was reminding him of this in his subtle Zen-Dog way.
    The doctor had told him to use physical activity as a positive coping tool, that it would help fix his screwed-up wiring and decrease his compulsion to list. He threw the pen and pad onto the dresser and said to Bullet, “Want to go for a run on the beach? Chase daddy’s demons away?”
    Bullet scrambled up and barked.
    God, he loved this dog.

    It was, in native terms, what many would call a beach day in Southern California: unblemished cobalt skies and temperatures climbing into the high seventies. Patrick drove a few miles down the coast toward Dog Beach, specially zoned for canines. Humans were allowed, too. No leash required. Bullet stared out the car window with an expression that Patrick could only intuit as pure joy, mouth open, eyes wide and darting in every direction. A warm breeze shifted across Patrick’s skin, managing to bring his tension down some—he hoped the beach might take care of the rest.
    On the way there, however, an unresolved thread got a hold of him, and his mind started clacking away. Marybeth’s death might not have been real, but the fire was, and so too was the body he saw that day. Someone had died in that building, so who was it?
    He dialed the Medical Examiner’s office.
    The guy in charge of records wasn’t available, so Patrick left a message. He wondered if anyone actually picked up their phones these days.
    At the beach, as soon as they got out of the car, Bullet darted ahead to join the other dogs at play—it didn’t take him very long to pair up with a chocolate Lab friend, and the two ran along the shoreline, sometimes side by side, sometimes chasing one another, splashing it up, and having what appeared to be the time of their lives.
    Patrick took in a satiating breath. A few years ago, this abused and beaten animal could trust no one; in fact, the dog had practically tried to kill him. Now he was the most loving friend Patrick had ever known. Such an amazing transformation, he thought, and such a privilege to have been a part of it. Anyone could rise from the ashes. There was always hope.
    But what if you’re the exception?
the voice inside him said.
Some kind of freak? What if there’s no hope for you?
    He told the voice to shut the hell up and focus on the dogs.
    A basset hound joined the fray, but couldn’t keep up with the larger dogs on his short legs. He found an English bulldog more his size and speed, and they waddled along the shimmering shoreline, their heads moving from side to side, seemingly contented.
    There’s someone for everyone
, Patrick thought, smiling.
    Then the smile began to dim.
Maybe not everyone.
    Bullet came to rescue him from his sinking thinking. He licked Patrick’s leg, then rested his head in Patrick’s lap. He rubbed behind the dog’s ears with a warm feeling in his heart. His urge to list was melting away, almost gone.
    Almost.
    “Come on, boy,” he said. “Let’s run.”
    He and Bullet took off down the beach. The farther they went, the more he could feel the grip of tension loosening, dissipating like a thin mist into the beach breeze. Soon he’d found his center again. He was back to himself, ready to rock and roll.
    After they finished, he picked up a morning paper and settled on a bench. Bullet was down for the count, tummy up, passed out cold in the hot sand.
    “Even fun has a price, huh, boy?” Patrick said, reaching down to rub the dog’s belly.
    Bullet snorted.
    As he was straightening up, Patrick noticed a shell sticking out of the sand. He reached over to grab it. He studied it, and once more, without warning, the memories invaded.
    Things continued to go up and down, and being with Marybeth was starting to feel like riding an upside-down