Read Online Cut Too Deep by KJ Bell - Free Book Online

her to further the conversation, but he wouldn’t like what she had to say. She decided rather than share how she would never address her feelings—regardless of the hope she saw in his eyes—she would tell him about the letter she wrote, but never sent.
    Dr. LeClair listened intently and smiled when appropriate. When Hadley finished, his smile carved deeper. She knew what was coming before he opened his mouth and said, “I think you should mail it.”
    Hadley rapidly shook her head to clear away the shock. “What? Aren’t you always telling me that my obsession with him is unhealthy?” Dr. LeClair didn’t respond verbally, but stared back at her thoughtfully. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “No, I can’t send it.”
    “Hadley…”
    She cut him off before the doctor convinced her.
    “I accidentally threw it out, anyway. I see that as the universe’s way of saying what a bad idea it was in the first place.”
    “Or your subconscious way of avoiding it,” Dr. LeClair countered immediately. A frustrated growl rumbled deep in Hadley’s throat. She palmed her forehead with both hands and leaned forward on her elbows. Dr. LeClair actually laughed at her from across his desk. Anger coiled deep inside of her. “You know, Hadley.” She lifted her head and looked directly into her therapist’s warm green eyes as he continued. “You’ve been through a lot, but I assure you the universe is not out to get you.”
    “It sure as hell feels that way some times. What can I possibly tell him about myself? He’ll think I’m nuts.”
    “You don’t have to start out sharing your life story with him, or anyone else for that matter. You assume it’s necessary to justify what you think is odd behavior. Most people don’t notice your anxiety. You can get to know people, and if one day that leads to you being comfortable with telling them about what you’ve been through, then fine, but it doesn’t have to happen day one.”
    Hadley thought about the little she revealed regarding her past to Mac. She understood what Dr. LeClair meant. It had taken years, but Hadley felt comfortable with Mac, which reminder her, she wanted to tell Dr. LeClair about her night out.
    The intercom beeped before she had the chance. Donna’s voice filled the room, letting Dr. LeClair know his next appointment had arrived. Hadley felt grateful for the interruption. Dr. LeClair had intended to push her further than he ever had, and she was more than certain she hadn’t been ready for him to.
    “We aren’t finished discussing this. Come back and see me this Tuesday, same time.” Hadley frowned and nodded, hoping she would be ready to discuss it by Tuesday, because he was clearly not letting it go. “And, are you still okay with Thursday evening? I don’t want to pressure you.”
    She forgot about her appointment to start regression therapy. There were details about the night of her parents’ deaths Hadley couldn’t remember. Dr. LeClair suggested hypnosis as a way to jog her memory. Hadley agreed, but wasn’t entirely convinced it would work, mostly because she thought hypnosis to be a bit of hocus-pocus.
    “I’ll be here,” Hadley answered and got up from the chair.
    “And, Hadley—let me stress, again, that I think it would be good for you to write him.”
    “I can’t write him. I don’t know what to say.”
    Hadley had thought about it plenty, but where to start simply eluded her. The last letter she wrote was ridiculous.
    “Be honest.”
    He smiled broadly before Hadley turned and left his office.
    Honest? Really? How would that go over?
     
    Dear Mr. Genetti,
    I'm obsessed with you and want to get to know you, but I'm too fucked up to do it face to face. I know you're a hostage in a third world country and all, but what do you say? Do you want to get to know a girl with a shit ton of baggage, even though you have thousands of letters from “normal” women?
    Sincerely,
    Psycho Girl from Hell
     
    Yeah,