river. Albert, Elvis, Scoop. Especially Mavis. Sheâd have his gloves off and his arse in a deadlock roll quicker than he could wipe the smile off his face. Apart from fear, humans have a fascination for big things. You know. The Big Banana, The Big Pineapple, The Big Crab, The Big Tomato. We want to lure people in with whatever we have. Food, beasts, crustaceans. I wonder how many tourists actually see âThe Big Thingâ and think, âWow, that big thing looks so good, we should stick around and see the small ones.â Tourists have photos taken with âThe Big Thingsâ. Some people probably have a whole photo album of them. You go to Coffs Harbour to see The Big Banana, not the farms of little ones. Whatâs interesting about the real thing?
âHere, you want to read the paper, love?â Bessyâs beside me with a folded-up newspaper. âAnother bloke left it here.â
I look up. âThanks.â
Iâm not much for reading the paper but itâs something to do while I wait for my breakfast. I open it up and lay it flat on the table. Thereâs a brochure for Top End Game Fishing and Fogg Dam. I move them out of the way and there on page one is his name. McNabm Blue. I scan the article. Thereâs pictures. Some of the same words leap out at me. Inquest. Inquiry. Children still not safe. Where are they now? Cycle of abuse repeats itself through a new generation. I rush from the table and run to my room where I vomit in the toilet again. I lay there on the tiled floor and suddenly the thought of what happened with Sally and what happened with Blue â the good thing and the bad thing â are all in a mess together.
Iâm at the back of the van, crying. Mum clouted me with the wooden spoon so hard my bum hurts and Iâm that bloody annoyed Iâm crying. It wasnât my fault I saw Mrs Dickers in her knickers. I was lookinâ through the window to her van to see if Jonny was there. Mum caught me, saw Mrs Dickers inside with her knickers down at her knees, and slapped me across the back of the head. Then she dragged me back inside our own van and went at me with the wooden spoon. She took off then. For making her go and lose her temper like that and get stuck into me like she promised herself sheâd never do.
âI reckon you could use a sweet or two. Whaddya reckon?â
I turn around and Blue is there with another small white paper packet. I wipe at my face. I donât want anyone to see me with tears and red eyes. Iâm not a baby.
âNo shame in crying, Barry. Here, take âem.â
I take the bag and put two lollies straight in my mouth.
He sits down on the ground. Heâs smiling. Heâs nice. I donât sit because my bum hurts.
âYou get a beating?â
I nod.
âYeah. Happens when youâre a kid. Youâre doinâ me another favour, you know. By eatinâ those sweets. Theyâd only rot my teeth and make me get older quicker. Itâs lucky thereâs good kids like you to help an old bloke out.â
I smile at him because I feel better with the aniseed and sugar in my mouth.
âIf you want, I could have a look at your bum for you. If itâs real red, Iâve got cream that could help.â
Heâs real nice. My bum hurts and I donât know how to make it any better and my mumâs gone and sheâs the one who hurt me. I turn around and let him look.
Iâm hungry now that my stomachâs empty. But the rest of me is filled with everything that happened back then. I donât want to have to explain myself to anyone, especially Bessy, and I donât want to have to find somewhere else to have my meals to avoid her forever, so I go back into the dining room. I fold the paper without lookinâ and wait for my breakfast.
Sheâs there straightaway with a plate of steaming food. Bacon, crisp and burnt. Fried eggs with sauce. Chunks of butter on thick toast
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