should have left her behind with the wizard and freed Drag himself.
“Care to join her?” Douchebagga asked him.
“No!” Drag cried. “I’ll drink the potion. Just don’t harm my friend.”
Barth looked up at Drag through tear-soaked eyes. He inhaled a tendril of snot, then had to wipe his nose with his sleeve as a long gooey pendulum refused to slide back into his nostril. “Drag, don’t do it!”
Drag merely shook his head and sighed. “I can’t let her turn you into a rat, Barth.”
“I can’t let her shrink your balls or turn you into a zombie. You’re my best friend.” Images of all the wonderful times Barth and Drag had shared together flashed through his mind. Like the time they drank giant Coco Locos and passed out in the street in downtown Las Vegas. Or that time they drank wine that tasted like hairspray and barfed all over a bathroom stall at a bar in Ensenada. Or that other time they crapped their pants after doing shots of tequila at the donkey show in Tijuana.
Drag let out a mournful sob, acting as if he, too, had read the previous flashback sequence. “I’m sorry I farted on you.”
“I’m sorry I wanted you to risk your balls so I could have sex with Heather.” More tears spilled from Barth’s eyes. More boogers slid out of his nostrils. This time, he was so overcome with anguish, he didn’t care that the snot had run over his lips and down his chin.
“Oh, gag.” Douchebagga threw up her hands. “Would one of you just make up your minds?”
Drag picked up the goblet and tossed the contents down the back of his throat.
“Drag, no!” Barth reached a hand out to his friend before collapsing onto the floor in a heap of sobs.
Rat Heather scurried out from under Barth’s stomach and climbed on top of his neck before biting him on the ear.
“Ouch!” He jerked up in time to watch Drag making googly eyes at Douchebagga.
“Douchebagga,” Drag cooed while batting thick, fake lashes, “let me look closer upon your beauty.”
Barth wiped thick snot film off his lips. “Drag, don’t! She’s vile!”
But Drag ignored Barth’s warning as he licked his painted lips while rubbing meaty paws seductively down his chest.
The old witch giggled as she hurried into the dragon’s cage while disrobing. Folds of sagging, pockmarked and wart-covered flesh jiggled as she raised her wand and zapped Drag’s collar and chain off his neck.
“Ewwww!” Barth shrieked.
Douchebagga waved her wand again and a large four-poster bed appeared in the center of the cage. She heaved her body onto the bed and dropped her wand to the floor. She lay on her back with her legs spread wide. Skin, tits and stomach folds rocked back and forth like sky scrapers in a Japanese earthquake.
But judging by the sultry stare in Drag’s heavy-lidded eyes, he was immune to the ugliness before him as he leaned over and planted a huge kiss on her lips.
Barth wanted so badly to look away, but he was drawn to the macabre scene before him by some inexplicable mixture of curiosity and really poor judgment.
Which was why he was only slightly disappointed when the actual sex scene never played out. Instead, Drag strapped a screaming and cackling Douchebagga to the bed with his discarded dog collar. He then wrapped the chain around her large body a few times so that she was totally immobile.
Drag then turned toward Barth with a wink. “See, the potion didn’t have any effect on me.”
“Drag!” Barth launched himself toward his best friend, nearly squishing a squealing rat Heather in the process.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Barth grimaced. “I only hope you don’t wake up tomorrow with shrunken testicles.”
“I’ll be fine.” Drag swatted the air with a limp wrist before he fixed his gaze on the rat crawling up Barth’s leg. “I’m sorry about Heather. Maybe the wizard can fix her.”
“Wait. I’m even more determined now to save Fairytale Kingdom from the zombie outbreak.” Barth held out
“Care to join her?” Douchebagga asked him.
“No!” Drag cried. “I’ll drink the potion. Just don’t harm my friend.”
Barth looked up at Drag through tear-soaked eyes. He inhaled a tendril of snot, then had to wipe his nose with his sleeve as a long gooey pendulum refused to slide back into his nostril. “Drag, don’t do it!”
Drag merely shook his head and sighed. “I can’t let her turn you into a rat, Barth.”
“I can’t let her shrink your balls or turn you into a zombie. You’re my best friend.” Images of all the wonderful times Barth and Drag had shared together flashed through his mind. Like the time they drank giant Coco Locos and passed out in the street in downtown Las Vegas. Or that time they drank wine that tasted like hairspray and barfed all over a bathroom stall at a bar in Ensenada. Or that other time they crapped their pants after doing shots of tequila at the donkey show in Tijuana.
Drag let out a mournful sob, acting as if he, too, had read the previous flashback sequence. “I’m sorry I farted on you.”
“I’m sorry I wanted you to risk your balls so I could have sex with Heather.” More tears spilled from Barth’s eyes. More boogers slid out of his nostrils. This time, he was so overcome with anguish, he didn’t care that the snot had run over his lips and down his chin.
“Oh, gag.” Douchebagga threw up her hands. “Would one of you just make up your minds?”
Drag picked up the goblet and tossed the contents down the back of his throat.
“Drag, no!” Barth reached a hand out to his friend before collapsing onto the floor in a heap of sobs.
Rat Heather scurried out from under Barth’s stomach and climbed on top of his neck before biting him on the ear.
“Ouch!” He jerked up in time to watch Drag making googly eyes at Douchebagga.
“Douchebagga,” Drag cooed while batting thick, fake lashes, “let me look closer upon your beauty.”
Barth wiped thick snot film off his lips. “Drag, don’t! She’s vile!”
But Drag ignored Barth’s warning as he licked his painted lips while rubbing meaty paws seductively down his chest.
The old witch giggled as she hurried into the dragon’s cage while disrobing. Folds of sagging, pockmarked and wart-covered flesh jiggled as she raised her wand and zapped Drag’s collar and chain off his neck.
“Ewwww!” Barth shrieked.
Douchebagga waved her wand again and a large four-poster bed appeared in the center of the cage. She heaved her body onto the bed and dropped her wand to the floor. She lay on her back with her legs spread wide. Skin, tits and stomach folds rocked back and forth like sky scrapers in a Japanese earthquake.
But judging by the sultry stare in Drag’s heavy-lidded eyes, he was immune to the ugliness before him as he leaned over and planted a huge kiss on her lips.
Barth wanted so badly to look away, but he was drawn to the macabre scene before him by some inexplicable mixture of curiosity and really poor judgment.
Which was why he was only slightly disappointed when the actual sex scene never played out. Instead, Drag strapped a screaming and cackling Douchebagga to the bed with his discarded dog collar. He then wrapped the chain around her large body a few times so that she was totally immobile.
Drag then turned toward Barth with a wink. “See, the potion didn’t have any effect on me.”
“Drag!” Barth launched himself toward his best friend, nearly squishing a squealing rat Heather in the process.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Barth grimaced. “I only hope you don’t wake up tomorrow with shrunken testicles.”
“I’ll be fine.” Drag swatted the air with a limp wrist before he fixed his gaze on the rat crawling up Barth’s leg. “I’m sorry about Heather. Maybe the wizard can fix her.”
“Wait. I’m even more determined now to save Fairytale Kingdom from the zombie outbreak.” Barth held out
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