nearby.”
“No wining and dining, no roses, no diamond ring and no Blahniks! I feel so cheap, so used,” Drag wailed. “And now she just left me in here to rot. She says I can’t come out until I drink the potion.” Drag pointed to a large wooden goblet in the corner of his cage. “Is that really any way to win a guy over?”
“I don’t see anything,” Heather said.
“The least she could have done was make real Blahniks,” Drag continued. “She can turn an entire kingdom into flesh-eating zombies. Can’t she summon a simple shoe spell?”
Barth scratched his head while turning a circle. When he finally chanced a look up, he gasped.
“Look up there.” He pointed to the shiny key suspended midair, as if by magic. He cursed under his breath. The key was too far up for him to reach it. Then he realized how lucky they were that there was only one key and not several all flying around with crazy little wings like in a certain wizard saga. “How are we supposed to get it?”
Heather pulled out the long, phallic shaped wand from between the cavity of her breasts. “Let me try.”
Barth’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, and for a moment, he was again jealous of the wand.
She pointed her wand at the key. “Releaseio!”
The key fell into Barth’s outstretched hand. He thrust a fist into the air. “Score!”
“Is anybody listening? Does anyone care about my needs?” Drag screeched.
Barth inserted the key and then hoisted the giant lock off the door. “I’ll give you my full attention as soon as I get you out, buddy.” He grunted as he strained to pull open the large cage door. He turned toward Heather. “Could you help me? It’s kinda heavy.”
Heather and Barth both strained and grunted as the door slowly moved on its hinges.
“Heather!” An ear-piercing, cackling screech came from behind Barth. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Heather gasped and spun around. “Douchebagga!”
The old witch hobbled down the stone steps toward them. “What are you doing?”
“Ummm.” Heather shrugged her shoulders while batting her eyes. Her voice took on an innocent, girly tone. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
Douchebagga jutted out an elbow and put a gnarled hand on her hip. “It looks like you are trying to free my dragon.”
“I am not a pet.” Drag stomped a massive paw. “I have a name! I demand some respect!”
“Hush, Dragon.” Douchebagga waved her wand at Drag, and in the next instant, his mouth was sealed shut with a giant piece of duct tape.
“Drag!” Barth cried as he swung open the gate and rushed inside. Barth reached up and pulled the tape off Drag’s face.
Drag howled and then bitch slapped Barth with a meaty paw, sending Barth sprawling across the cage.
Drag rubbed his mouth. “Sorry, Barth. Knee-jerk reaction. That hurt worse than a waxing.”
Just as the old witch aimed her wand at Barth, Heather screamed. “Douchebagga, stop!”
“Or what?” The old hag narrowed her eyes to slits as she centered her aim at Heather’s chest. “What are you going to do, little witch?”
Heather said nothing as she raised a shaky hand and pointed her wand at Douchebagga.
Douchebagga cocked a bushy brow. “Don’t point that wand at me unless you intend to use it.”
“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” Heather stammered. “I just want you to give us the wizard’s potion and let us go.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll turn you into a goat.”
Douchebagga tilted her head and flashed a nearly toothless grin. “A goat? That’s a difficult spell for such a young witch. Why not something more simple? Say, a rat!”
She flicked her wand at Heather and in the next instant, Heather had transformed into a rodent.
“Noooo!” Barth screamed as he rushed toward rat Heather.
Barth fell to his knees and sobbed like a baby while the rat climbed into his hand. How could he have let this happen? He knew he shouldn’t have let Heather come along. He
“No wining and dining, no roses, no diamond ring and no Blahniks! I feel so cheap, so used,” Drag wailed. “And now she just left me in here to rot. She says I can’t come out until I drink the potion.” Drag pointed to a large wooden goblet in the corner of his cage. “Is that really any way to win a guy over?”
“I don’t see anything,” Heather said.
“The least she could have done was make real Blahniks,” Drag continued. “She can turn an entire kingdom into flesh-eating zombies. Can’t she summon a simple shoe spell?”
Barth scratched his head while turning a circle. When he finally chanced a look up, he gasped.
“Look up there.” He pointed to the shiny key suspended midair, as if by magic. He cursed under his breath. The key was too far up for him to reach it. Then he realized how lucky they were that there was only one key and not several all flying around with crazy little wings like in a certain wizard saga. “How are we supposed to get it?”
Heather pulled out the long, phallic shaped wand from between the cavity of her breasts. “Let me try.”
Barth’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, and for a moment, he was again jealous of the wand.
She pointed her wand at the key. “Releaseio!”
The key fell into Barth’s outstretched hand. He thrust a fist into the air. “Score!”
“Is anybody listening? Does anyone care about my needs?” Drag screeched.
Barth inserted the key and then hoisted the giant lock off the door. “I’ll give you my full attention as soon as I get you out, buddy.” He grunted as he strained to pull open the large cage door. He turned toward Heather. “Could you help me? It’s kinda heavy.”
Heather and Barth both strained and grunted as the door slowly moved on its hinges.
“Heather!” An ear-piercing, cackling screech came from behind Barth. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Heather gasped and spun around. “Douchebagga!”
The old witch hobbled down the stone steps toward them. “What are you doing?”
“Ummm.” Heather shrugged her shoulders while batting her eyes. Her voice took on an innocent, girly tone. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
Douchebagga jutted out an elbow and put a gnarled hand on her hip. “It looks like you are trying to free my dragon.”
“I am not a pet.” Drag stomped a massive paw. “I have a name! I demand some respect!”
“Hush, Dragon.” Douchebagga waved her wand at Drag, and in the next instant, his mouth was sealed shut with a giant piece of duct tape.
“Drag!” Barth cried as he swung open the gate and rushed inside. Barth reached up and pulled the tape off Drag’s face.
Drag howled and then bitch slapped Barth with a meaty paw, sending Barth sprawling across the cage.
Drag rubbed his mouth. “Sorry, Barth. Knee-jerk reaction. That hurt worse than a waxing.”
Just as the old witch aimed her wand at Barth, Heather screamed. “Douchebagga, stop!”
“Or what?” The old hag narrowed her eyes to slits as she centered her aim at Heather’s chest. “What are you going to do, little witch?”
Heather said nothing as she raised a shaky hand and pointed her wand at Douchebagga.
Douchebagga cocked a bushy brow. “Don’t point that wand at me unless you intend to use it.”
“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” Heather stammered. “I just want you to give us the wizard’s potion and let us go.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll turn you into a goat.”
Douchebagga tilted her head and flashed a nearly toothless grin. “A goat? That’s a difficult spell for such a young witch. Why not something more simple? Say, a rat!”
She flicked her wand at Heather and in the next instant, Heather had transformed into a rodent.
“Noooo!” Barth screamed as he rushed toward rat Heather.
Barth fell to his knees and sobbed like a baby while the rat climbed into his hand. How could he have let this happen? He knew he shouldn’t have let Heather come along. He
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