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retire. I have too much on my mind.”
“You should have only one thing on your mind, brother, and that is being with your new bride. Do you have any idea how frightened she must be?”
“Frightened? Ha! That one? She may be many things, but she is hardly frightened.”
Raven approached and his expression softened. “She is in a foreign house, married to a man she barely knows.”
“She’s fine. After what we shared tonight, she knows she’s safe here.”
“Bullshit. We satisfied a physical need tonight. You think fucking her somehow put her at ease? If anything, it only increased her unease. You’d be wise to find your way back into her bed before she stirs and finds herself alone. Take her, my brother, let her know that she is safe in your arms.”
Adam shook his head. He would never allow anyone to rely on him for safety, not ever again. He snapped his brow into a frown and glared down at the floor.
“Adam, please.”
He looked at his brother, and the vision of the horrors they’d faced as children came flooding back. Raven had done what he could to protect them, but as a full Sioux, he could only do so much. He would have taken on the entire world to protect his little brother. No one wanted the half-breed. Not accepted by his mother’s family. Not accepted by his father’s tribe. Not accepted at all.
Adam had learned over the years to distance himself from everything and everyone just to protect himself and ultimately, to protect Raven. His mother had died giving birth to him, which should have been his first indication of what his life would be like. His father never forgave him for that, not even with his last breath.
After they lost their father, everything changed. At twelve, he barely knew what it meant to be a man, yet as both his worlds rejected him, he had no choice but to learn and learn fast.
As adults, Adam reversed their roles and took care of his big brother since society’s bias against the Indians only grew as they did. Luckily, Adam inherited his light complexion from his mother. It would take a keen eye, such as Hattie Red’s, to see any Indian in him.
He closed his eyes and attempted to conjure up Mina’s image. Ah, Mina. A full Sioux, she was the only one aside from his brother who truly accepted him. It troubled him that he couldn’t see her in his memories. Instead he saw a lovely woman with pale gray-blue eyes and striking red waves. He opened his eyes.
“What would you have me do?”
“Release her memory.”
“I can’t, Raven. I–I just can’t.”
“If that is your decision,” Raven said with reluctance. “But I refuse to allow a memory to rule my actions. Patti is real, Adam, and she’s here. She is your wife, and I see love growing in her eyes. I pray you finally bury Mina and start to live again. Good night.”
The thought of Raven curling up with Patience Steele clawed at Adam’s gut like a feral beast. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to go to her. He could be her lover, her provider, and would never stray from her bed.
But having her rely on him for anything more than that scared the living shit out of him. He couldn’t save his first wife when the fever hit. He’d let her down and couldn’t do a damn thing as he stood by and allowed that fever to slowly rob her of life.
If he let Patience down, he’d never survive. If she looked at him with even a hint of the disapproval everyone else in his life looked at him with, it would surely kill him.
Chapter 6
Patience’s Journal, Monday, April 3, 1865
Port Steele, Washington Territory
I woke up alone this morning and am so furious with both Adam and Raven that my hands are shaking as I write this. How dare they do this to me after what we shared! Is this what I agreed to when I married Adam? A life of loneliness outside of the bedroom? I have not one but two men who devote their efforts to me, but clearly only on their terms. I suppose I should have expected as much. I am a wife once
“You should have only one thing on your mind, brother, and that is being with your new bride. Do you have any idea how frightened she must be?”
“Frightened? Ha! That one? She may be many things, but she is hardly frightened.”
Raven approached and his expression softened. “She is in a foreign house, married to a man she barely knows.”
“She’s fine. After what we shared tonight, she knows she’s safe here.”
“Bullshit. We satisfied a physical need tonight. You think fucking her somehow put her at ease? If anything, it only increased her unease. You’d be wise to find your way back into her bed before she stirs and finds herself alone. Take her, my brother, let her know that she is safe in your arms.”
Adam shook his head. He would never allow anyone to rely on him for safety, not ever again. He snapped his brow into a frown and glared down at the floor.
“Adam, please.”
He looked at his brother, and the vision of the horrors they’d faced as children came flooding back. Raven had done what he could to protect them, but as a full Sioux, he could only do so much. He would have taken on the entire world to protect his little brother. No one wanted the half-breed. Not accepted by his mother’s family. Not accepted by his father’s tribe. Not accepted at all.
Adam had learned over the years to distance himself from everything and everyone just to protect himself and ultimately, to protect Raven. His mother had died giving birth to him, which should have been his first indication of what his life would be like. His father never forgave him for that, not even with his last breath.
After they lost their father, everything changed. At twelve, he barely knew what it meant to be a man, yet as both his worlds rejected him, he had no choice but to learn and learn fast.
As adults, Adam reversed their roles and took care of his big brother since society’s bias against the Indians only grew as they did. Luckily, Adam inherited his light complexion from his mother. It would take a keen eye, such as Hattie Red’s, to see any Indian in him.
He closed his eyes and attempted to conjure up Mina’s image. Ah, Mina. A full Sioux, she was the only one aside from his brother who truly accepted him. It troubled him that he couldn’t see her in his memories. Instead he saw a lovely woman with pale gray-blue eyes and striking red waves. He opened his eyes.
“What would you have me do?”
“Release her memory.”
“I can’t, Raven. I–I just can’t.”
“If that is your decision,” Raven said with reluctance. “But I refuse to allow a memory to rule my actions. Patti is real, Adam, and she’s here. She is your wife, and I see love growing in her eyes. I pray you finally bury Mina and start to live again. Good night.”
The thought of Raven curling up with Patience Steele clawed at Adam’s gut like a feral beast. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to go to her. He could be her lover, her provider, and would never stray from her bed.
But having her rely on him for anything more than that scared the living shit out of him. He couldn’t save his first wife when the fever hit. He’d let her down and couldn’t do a damn thing as he stood by and allowed that fever to slowly rob her of life.
If he let Patience down, he’d never survive. If she looked at him with even a hint of the disapproval everyone else in his life looked at him with, it would surely kill him.
Chapter 6
Patience’s Journal, Monday, April 3, 1865
Port Steele, Washington Territory
I woke up alone this morning and am so furious with both Adam and Raven that my hands are shaking as I write this. How dare they do this to me after what we shared! Is this what I agreed to when I married Adam? A life of loneliness outside of the bedroom? I have not one but two men who devote their efforts to me, but clearly only on their terms. I suppose I should have expected as much. I am a wife once
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