– how would you like that?’
Lily tried not to show how the idea frightened her. The awful thing about her relationship with Antony, she recognized, was what a puppet she was: if he said dance, she danced. Anything to please him. But to jump out of the aeroplane … the idea was terrifying.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she said tightly.
‘You’re such a good sport, Lily. It would be great. Just us two. No one need ever know. We can find a nice airstrip, a private one where you can land safely, and I can come down after to pick you up. What a lark, eh? Until I can find someone to take me up, that is.’
Lily prayed that this might happen. But she doubted it. And, strangely enough, after the first shock, the idea that Antony had voiced was not completely unappealing. If she could really believe it was safe, the thought of swinging down through the sky from a great height had a fascination she could not deny. The more she thought about it the more the strangeness and the beauty of it took hold in her imagination. After all, she had been terrified with her flight, but it had turned out to be magic, something she would never forget. Her life was so boring and, as far as she could see, would always be so, without an education to take her out into the world, her father and Squashy to look after all her life and the unrelenting hard work – perhaps these moments that Antony offered, when her muddy heart took flight into realms she would never ordinarily reach, should be taken willingly,greedily, to feed great memories into her dull future. All this only came to her long after Antony first broached the idea.
He said, ‘I’ll try and find the right place, and we’ll do it, if you’re not afraid. I suppose we’ll have to wait until the spring, because of the weather. Not much good at Christmas. Aunt Maud is coming at Christmas, God help us, but after that, in the summer, we’ve got the party to arrange – that’ll be fun, and your jump – great stuff.’
‘I thought you were supposed to be thinking about your career. You’ll be leaving school soon. What are you going to do?’
The ever-present thought of Antony’s departure from her life haunted Lily more and more these days. However long did these boys take to be educated? He never spoke about going to university, like Simon and John.
‘Do? Enjoy myself, of course,’ was the flippant answer.
If he went, Lily thought she might as well die.
When Antony went back to school Lily counted the days until Christmas. If he wanted her to jump, she knew she would. Strangely, she started to look forward to it. She wondered if she was capable of actually doing it when the moment came – she might be too petrified and seize up, unable to move. It occupied her thoughts all the time she was working at the mindless tasks she spent her days with: cleaning, digging, shopping, cooking, weeding, washing, running errands. Althoughshe had thought she might spend more time with Helena, Rose and Violet thought differently and turned her away if she tried to visit. She hated going into the big house on her own and decided she couldn’t persevere with it, in spite of Antony’s wish that she should. He didn’t own her, after all.
‘What’s this Aunt Maud like, that’s coming at Christmas?’ she asked her father. ‘Is she nice?’
‘Battle-axe. Old battle-axe.’
Just Antony’s luck, Lily thought.
‘Funny a brother and sister being called Claude and Maud. I suppose if you called one they both came. Save breath.’
‘They were orphaned quite early on, left a packet. There’s only money in that family, no love.’
Antony’s got me, Lily thought, feeling warm and devout. He will always have me.
She didn’t tell her father about the parachute jump.
DECEMBER, 1921
Aunt Maud arrived before Antony came home and made her presence known at once. She had a very large dog with her which needed exercising.
‘Hey, you, girl!’ she shouted, as Lily trundled a
Lily tried not to show how the idea frightened her. The awful thing about her relationship with Antony, she recognized, was what a puppet she was: if he said dance, she danced. Anything to please him. But to jump out of the aeroplane … the idea was terrifying.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she said tightly.
‘You’re such a good sport, Lily. It would be great. Just us two. No one need ever know. We can find a nice airstrip, a private one where you can land safely, and I can come down after to pick you up. What a lark, eh? Until I can find someone to take me up, that is.’
Lily prayed that this might happen. But she doubted it. And, strangely enough, after the first shock, the idea that Antony had voiced was not completely unappealing. If she could really believe it was safe, the thought of swinging down through the sky from a great height had a fascination she could not deny. The more she thought about it the more the strangeness and the beauty of it took hold in her imagination. After all, she had been terrified with her flight, but it had turned out to be magic, something she would never forget. Her life was so boring and, as far as she could see, would always be so, without an education to take her out into the world, her father and Squashy to look after all her life and the unrelenting hard work – perhaps these moments that Antony offered, when her muddy heart took flight into realms she would never ordinarily reach, should be taken willingly,greedily, to feed great memories into her dull future. All this only came to her long after Antony first broached the idea.
He said, ‘I’ll try and find the right place, and we’ll do it, if you’re not afraid. I suppose we’ll have to wait until the spring, because of the weather. Not much good at Christmas. Aunt Maud is coming at Christmas, God help us, but after that, in the summer, we’ve got the party to arrange – that’ll be fun, and your jump – great stuff.’
‘I thought you were supposed to be thinking about your career. You’ll be leaving school soon. What are you going to do?’
The ever-present thought of Antony’s departure from her life haunted Lily more and more these days. However long did these boys take to be educated? He never spoke about going to university, like Simon and John.
‘Do? Enjoy myself, of course,’ was the flippant answer.
If he went, Lily thought she might as well die.
When Antony went back to school Lily counted the days until Christmas. If he wanted her to jump, she knew she would. Strangely, she started to look forward to it. She wondered if she was capable of actually doing it when the moment came – she might be too petrified and seize up, unable to move. It occupied her thoughts all the time she was working at the mindless tasks she spent her days with: cleaning, digging, shopping, cooking, weeding, washing, running errands. Althoughshe had thought she might spend more time with Helena, Rose and Violet thought differently and turned her away if she tried to visit. She hated going into the big house on her own and decided she couldn’t persevere with it, in spite of Antony’s wish that she should. He didn’t own her, after all.
‘What’s this Aunt Maud like, that’s coming at Christmas?’ she asked her father. ‘Is she nice?’
‘Battle-axe. Old battle-axe.’
Just Antony’s luck, Lily thought.
‘Funny a brother and sister being called Claude and Maud. I suppose if you called one they both came. Save breath.’
‘They were orphaned quite early on, left a packet. There’s only money in that family, no love.’
Antony’s got me, Lily thought, feeling warm and devout. He will always have me.
She didn’t tell her father about the parachute jump.
DECEMBER, 1921
Aunt Maud arrived before Antony came home and made her presence known at once. She had a very large dog with her which needed exercising.
‘Hey, you, girl!’ she shouted, as Lily trundled a
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