Read Online Unprotected by Kristin Lee Johnson - Free Book Online
Authors: Kristin Lee Johnson
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mismatched quilt with yarn ties that smelled like Rosemilk lotion and antiseptic cleaner. “This is so pathetic, but I actually used to do extra reading, or work ahead in math, or even write papers that weren’t assigned because I needed something to keep me occupied.”
“Geez, Amanda, let’s not play ‘Who’s the most pathetic?’ because you always win this game … Couldn’t you just have read a magazine?” Jake rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and yawned.
“They don’t make ‘Harley Daughter’ magazine, and I just have never been able to relate to anything else. Seventeen and all those magazines talked about prom and boyfriends and celebrity crushes, and those things were always light years away from chemotherapy and hospitals.” As always, Amanda’s attempt at sounding light and funny came out harsh and awful.
Jake reacted.
“Amanda!” Jake said suddenly and loudly, causing Trix to jump in her sleep. “Don’t you think you might have had a more normal life if you would have tried to have one? It’s like the second any typical life experience presented itself, you said ‘piss on that’ and went the other way.”
“Jacob!” Trix sat up in her chair and glared at him. Amanda didn’t understand his anger, but she did understand her own.
“You have no idea what I tried or didn’t try to do. You have no idea what anything was like for me, Mr. Perfect Family, so go to hell!” Amanda jumped up and ran out of her mother’s room into the neon lights of the hallway. She went into the family lounge and threw herself on the vinyl couch. He could never understand the lonely Thanksgivings they spent at a café, and the Christmases with the fuschia tinsel tree with eight ornaments and three gifts under it. He would never know the feeling of not being able to get too close to friends because eventually she would have to invite them to her house, and she could never let people into that part of her world. Teachers were usually lukewarm, coaches loved her for her ability, and everyone else ignored her. Jake would never know that reading a magazine or a book or watching a sitcom just reinforced how alone she was.
Amanda knew that Trix would come in the room in a few minutes and try to explain to her why Jake was so upset. She didn’t want to hear it. With all their kindness and perfection, the Mann family also brought baggage that wore Amanda out. She was even more frustrated because they were in her mother’s hospital room, one of the few places she could claim as her own. She wished they would just leave her alone. Connections had their price.
An older nurse named Bonnie passed the family room and saw that Amanda was sprawled on the vinyl sofa. Bonnie had worked a lot with April the first time she had cancer, but had cut back on her hours since her husband was diagnosed with cancer around the first time April went home. Amanda had only seen her a few times since her mom returned to the hospital.
“Hi, Amanda,” Bonnie said warmly, sitting next to her on the couch. “I’ve been wondering about you. I heard you graduated.” Bonnie was small and plump with short, graying hair and glasses that she wore on a chain around her neck.
“Yep. I’m off to the U in a couple weeks,” Amanda said. She enjoyed talking to nurses like Bonnie because they never felt like they had to try to make her feel better, and they never felt awkward around her. “No idea what I’ll major in, but I guess I have a few years to decide.”
“Good for you. My daughter is going there too, totally undecided about her life.”
“Is this her first year too?” Amanda asked, not remembering that Bonnie had a daughter her age.
“No, she’s actually almost twenty-one,” Bonnie said. “She’s been working the last two years, but suddenly realized her mother is right and she won’t get far without a degree. Let me give you her number in case you want to look her up.” She pulled a receipt from her pocket and
“Geez, Amanda, let’s not play ‘Who’s the most pathetic?’ because you always win this game … Couldn’t you just have read a magazine?” Jake rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and yawned.
“They don’t make ‘Harley Daughter’ magazine, and I just have never been able to relate to anything else. Seventeen and all those magazines talked about prom and boyfriends and celebrity crushes, and those things were always light years away from chemotherapy and hospitals.” As always, Amanda’s attempt at sounding light and funny came out harsh and awful.
Jake reacted.
“Amanda!” Jake said suddenly and loudly, causing Trix to jump in her sleep. “Don’t you think you might have had a more normal life if you would have tried to have one? It’s like the second any typical life experience presented itself, you said ‘piss on that’ and went the other way.”
“Jacob!” Trix sat up in her chair and glared at him. Amanda didn’t understand his anger, but she did understand her own.
“You have no idea what I tried or didn’t try to do. You have no idea what anything was like for me, Mr. Perfect Family, so go to hell!” Amanda jumped up and ran out of her mother’s room into the neon lights of the hallway. She went into the family lounge and threw herself on the vinyl couch. He could never understand the lonely Thanksgivings they spent at a café, and the Christmases with the fuschia tinsel tree with eight ornaments and three gifts under it. He would never know the feeling of not being able to get too close to friends because eventually she would have to invite them to her house, and she could never let people into that part of her world. Teachers were usually lukewarm, coaches loved her for her ability, and everyone else ignored her. Jake would never know that reading a magazine or a book or watching a sitcom just reinforced how alone she was.
Amanda knew that Trix would come in the room in a few minutes and try to explain to her why Jake was so upset. She didn’t want to hear it. With all their kindness and perfection, the Mann family also brought baggage that wore Amanda out. She was even more frustrated because they were in her mother’s hospital room, one of the few places she could claim as her own. She wished they would just leave her alone. Connections had their price.
An older nurse named Bonnie passed the family room and saw that Amanda was sprawled on the vinyl sofa. Bonnie had worked a lot with April the first time she had cancer, but had cut back on her hours since her husband was diagnosed with cancer around the first time April went home. Amanda had only seen her a few times since her mom returned to the hospital.
“Hi, Amanda,” Bonnie said warmly, sitting next to her on the couch. “I’ve been wondering about you. I heard you graduated.” Bonnie was small and plump with short, graying hair and glasses that she wore on a chain around her neck.
“Yep. I’m off to the U in a couple weeks,” Amanda said. She enjoyed talking to nurses like Bonnie because they never felt like they had to try to make her feel better, and they never felt awkward around her. “No idea what I’ll major in, but I guess I have a few years to decide.”
“Good for you. My daughter is going there too, totally undecided about her life.”
“Is this her first year too?” Amanda asked, not remembering that Bonnie had a daughter her age.
“No, she’s actually almost twenty-one,” Bonnie said. “She’s been working the last two years, but suddenly realized her mother is right and she won’t get far without a degree. Let me give you her number in case you want to look her up.” She pulled a receipt from her pocket and
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