Read Online Tigers on the Beach by Doug MacLeod - Free Book Online Page A

ask Marika if she has a grandmother like mine. Marika replies that she is saving up to have liposuction because she doesn’t like her thighs. She says it’s genetic. All the women in her family have big thighs.
    Marika picks up the urn.
    â€˜Put that down,’ I gasp. ‘My grandpa’s ashes are in there.’
    â€˜My mother has the biggest thighs of all,’ says Marika, calmly putting down the urn on its chair.
    Marika is incredible. Not even an urn full of human ashes is enough to distract her from the endless dramas of her life.
    When she returns from the general store, Grandma calls me over. She’s carrying something that I don’t recognise.
    â€˜Adam, I need you to do me a favour,’ she says.
    â€˜Sure.’
    â€˜Could you set this up for me?’
    I realise that Grandma has bought a possum trap. I try to hide it, so she doesn’t get arrested.
    â€˜Please put it away, Grandma.’
    â€˜Why?’
    â€˜Possum traps are illegal.’
    â€˜How can they be illegal? They sell them at the general store. Victor Burns says there’s quite a demand for possum traps.’
    â€˜Nathan told me they’re against the law.’
    â€˜How can a shop sell things that aren’t legal?’
    â€˜Well, there’s a shop in Flanders that sells bongs, and they’re not legal. Sorry, I can’t set the trap for you.’
    â€˜Have you been buying bongs?’
    â€˜No, it’s just an example.’
    Grandma sighs. ‘Never mind. Is the cabin clean?’
    â€˜Marika and I just finished.’
    â€˜My memory stick has gone missing.’
    â€˜Sorry, we didn’t find it.’
    â€˜You don’t think Marika might have taken it, do you?’
    â€˜Of course not. She isn’t a thief. Why would you think that?’
    â€˜Well, because when I asked her if she’d seen it she gave me a very peculiar answer.’
    â€˜What did she say?’
    â€˜She told me that she was thinking of dyeing her eyelashes.’
    â€˜Don’t worry, she always does that. She’s self-obsessed. But she’s definitely not a thief.’
    â€˜Off you go, then. I know you’re busy. Obviously too busy to get a haircut.’
    Grandma makes so many criticisms that I’ve learned to ignore them.
    â€˜I think there’s something you should know,’ I say.
    â€˜Yes?’
    â€˜Marika picked up Grandpa.’
    â€˜Pardon?’
    â€˜She picked up Grandpa’s urn. Sorry, she did it before I could stop her.’ I take a deep breath. ‘Grandma, do you think, maybe, we should sprinkle Grandpa’s ashes somewhere?’
    â€˜I’ve been giving it some thought, Adam. Are you sure you won’t set the trap?’
    I’m confused. ‘I thought you and Grandpa liked animals.’
    â€˜Very much.’
    â€˜Then why do you hate the possums?’
    â€˜I’ll tell you if you set the trap for me.’
    â€˜Sorry, Grandma, I can’t do that.’
    â€˜Then you’ll never know, will you?’
    My morning chores complete, I collect some money from Dad and head off on my bike. I am the assistant manager of The Ponderosa but I have the rest of the day off. I hope that things don’t collapse in a heap when I’m gone. They probably won’t.
    Sam lives in Port Argus, ten kilometres north-east of Samsara. I’m wearing my good jeans and a green, orange and yellow striped shirt. I have new trainers that I bought on sale at the Carlington Mall. My boxer shorts are also brand new and free of tractor beetles. I wonder what sort of tights Sam will wear. I imagine purple ones and almost fall off my bike.
    When I arrive at Sam’s house, Nurse Rose welcomes me in.
    â€˜Well, it’s the young man who survived an explosion,’ she says. ‘Are you feeling better?’
    â€˜Much better,’ I say.
    â€˜Let me see your face.’
    I let Rose inspect my face.
    â€˜You should