you.” She hesitated for several seconds, looked away from me and said in a small voice, “You know that I still love you, don't you, Kim?”
“Yes, sweetie, and I'm flattered that you do, although I really can’t fathom your reasons for picking me . You're a courageous, beautiful young woman and I'm proud to call you my friend.” I gently stroked her face with the backs of my fingers. “And I'm sorry for calling you a child when you first told me you cared for me.” I saw the glimmer of tears in Martina's eyes as she leaned into my caressing hand.
“You know how I feel about you, Kim,” she whispered. “Is there any hope at all that you'll ever feel something for me, too?”
I scrutinised Martina’s face as she waited for my reply. I could see she wasn't begging me for a positive response, but was simply holding herself in calm acceptance of whatever answer I was going to give her. I marshalled my words, juggling the phrases in my mind to present the least painful way of saying ‘ No, I’m sorry ’ that I could find. I started to open my mouth to tell Martina that we could never be together when I was engulfed by sudden emotion. I mean, here I was, sitting next to this lovely, valiant young girl who came from a deprived background and who struggled to survive in a hostile world. And she worshipped me for reasons I still didn’t understand. How could I destroy her hope? What could I say that wouldn’t devastate her? And all at once I realised that I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her that way. She loved me, for god's sake. And, now that I came to think of it, I really did have some feelings for her. I was astonished at this sudden revelation. Where had it come from? I intensified my gaze into her eyes but saw nothing there except a loving regard, overridden by the pain of a rejection that she was positive was impending. What was going on here? I was with someone who’d do absolutely anything for me and what was love if not that? How could I not reciprocate? Isn’t that what we all wanted from life – to be loved unconditionally? Martina must have been becoming impatient with me, but I was too bewildered to give her a coherent response. I needed time to sort out my emotions. I looked away from her, trying to postpone my responsibility for an answer but was drawn back to her when she took my hand from her face and pressed her lips to my fingers. She was beautiful and desirable, there was no doubt about it, and I felt myself responding to her emotional needs. The feel of her lips made me quiver with longing. I couldn't deny it to myself any longer. I yearned to be in a passionate relationship once again. It had been so long since I'd been in one and my soul ached for the touch of a loving hand. My feelings for Martina dawned and blossomed into an overwhelming craving, leaving me breathless. I put my palms either side of her face and drew her gently towards me. Her eyes widened as I slowly bent my head and kissed her. I felt her initial resistance, then her arms looped around my body and she eagerly pulled herself against me.
We dragged ourselves apart after a minute or so and Martina looked at me in amazement. “What just happened?” she questioned, confused. “ Why did you do that?”
I took one of her hands in mine and inadequately tried to explain the sequence of steps that had bought me to the realisation of how I felt about her. “But let’s not get carried away,” I admonished. “I need time to sort myself out first. My emotions are still all over the place right now.”
“For sure. I understand,” Martina said, agreeably. “When I first realized that I loved you , I couldn’t think straight for weeks.” She smiled shyly at me. “I don’t want to jinx things between us, Kim, but, although I want with all my heart for you to choose to be with me, I also want you to know that I’ll follow whatever you finally decide to do.”
I was touched by the sincerity in
“Yes, sweetie, and I'm flattered that you do, although I really can’t fathom your reasons for picking me . You're a courageous, beautiful young woman and I'm proud to call you my friend.” I gently stroked her face with the backs of my fingers. “And I'm sorry for calling you a child when you first told me you cared for me.” I saw the glimmer of tears in Martina's eyes as she leaned into my caressing hand.
“You know how I feel about you, Kim,” she whispered. “Is there any hope at all that you'll ever feel something for me, too?”
I scrutinised Martina’s face as she waited for my reply. I could see she wasn't begging me for a positive response, but was simply holding herself in calm acceptance of whatever answer I was going to give her. I marshalled my words, juggling the phrases in my mind to present the least painful way of saying ‘ No, I’m sorry ’ that I could find. I started to open my mouth to tell Martina that we could never be together when I was engulfed by sudden emotion. I mean, here I was, sitting next to this lovely, valiant young girl who came from a deprived background and who struggled to survive in a hostile world. And she worshipped me for reasons I still didn’t understand. How could I destroy her hope? What could I say that wouldn’t devastate her? And all at once I realised that I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her that way. She loved me, for god's sake. And, now that I came to think of it, I really did have some feelings for her. I was astonished at this sudden revelation. Where had it come from? I intensified my gaze into her eyes but saw nothing there except a loving regard, overridden by the pain of a rejection that she was positive was impending. What was going on here? I was with someone who’d do absolutely anything for me and what was love if not that? How could I not reciprocate? Isn’t that what we all wanted from life – to be loved unconditionally? Martina must have been becoming impatient with me, but I was too bewildered to give her a coherent response. I needed time to sort out my emotions. I looked away from her, trying to postpone my responsibility for an answer but was drawn back to her when she took my hand from her face and pressed her lips to my fingers. She was beautiful and desirable, there was no doubt about it, and I felt myself responding to her emotional needs. The feel of her lips made me quiver with longing. I couldn't deny it to myself any longer. I yearned to be in a passionate relationship once again. It had been so long since I'd been in one and my soul ached for the touch of a loving hand. My feelings for Martina dawned and blossomed into an overwhelming craving, leaving me breathless. I put my palms either side of her face and drew her gently towards me. Her eyes widened as I slowly bent my head and kissed her. I felt her initial resistance, then her arms looped around my body and she eagerly pulled herself against me.
We dragged ourselves apart after a minute or so and Martina looked at me in amazement. “What just happened?” she questioned, confused. “ Why did you do that?”
I took one of her hands in mine and inadequately tried to explain the sequence of steps that had bought me to the realisation of how I felt about her. “But let’s not get carried away,” I admonished. “I need time to sort myself out first. My emotions are still all over the place right now.”
“For sure. I understand,” Martina said, agreeably. “When I first realized that I loved you , I couldn’t think straight for weeks.” She smiled shyly at me. “I don’t want to jinx things between us, Kim, but, although I want with all my heart for you to choose to be with me, I also want you to know that I’ll follow whatever you finally decide to do.”
I was touched by the sincerity in
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