Read Online There's Something I've Been Dying to Tell You by Lynda Bellingham - Free Book Online
Authors: Lynda Bellingham
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needles and such like, but couldn’t quite bring myself to do the injection personally, so my dear husband took on the role. I must say he seemed to relish the job, which surprised me as, like most men, he can be such a wimp about needles when it comes to his turn.
The side effect of the injection, however, was three days of flu-like symptoms and I must say I felt pretty rough. It also made me feel a bit depressed about the whole bloody cancer business. As long as there is no obvious pain or signs of illness I could push all negative thoughts aside, but feeling grotty was not helpful. I even had hay fever. I mean, come on God, give me a break!
By the second session I had started to develop pins and needles in the tips of my fingers and toes. It was not unpleasant but distracting all the same. The skin on my hands and fingers was starting to peel and by the end of my third session I had no ridges to my fingers and the fingerprint recognition feature on my laptop no longer recognised me – I could have committed murder and left no evidence. How quickly one is forgotten. Never mind the public, even my appliances refused to acknowledge me.
The worst effect was that for a day after chemo, every time I swallowed it was as though I had a row of razor blades at the back of my throat slicing away at anything that came its way. It was agonising. The pain only lasted for a few seconds, but I would keep forgetting and take a sip of a drink, or something, and nearly hit the roof. There was also a problem now with cold things. If I took something from the fridge or freezer I got cold freeze burns. This resulted in very strange looks in the supermarket as I would put on gloves on a boiling hot July day to pick up my frozen food from the cabinet. The air conditioning in these places is ridiculous at the best of times but now, for me, it was like a mission to the North Pole!
I was also suffering mouth ulcers, so had to gargle three times a day with salt water. My eyes started to weep and go all crusty, my nose would either bleed or drip at any random moment, and I was still having to monitor my bowel movements which became an art in itself. The painkillers make you constipated so then you would have to take something to loosen the bowels, but then, after chemo, it would all run away with itself again and I would be back on the Imodium trying to slow it all down again. It was a never-ending saga. What makes me smile now is when people come up and whisper very solicitously to me, ‘How’s it going?’ I feel like saying, ‘Oh the cancer is great, thank you, but let me tell you about the chemo, mate.’
Then there was the question of my teeth. I had struggled for many years with teeth as I had wonderful strong teeth with no fillings but awful, crap gums which were not going to do the job of keeping my teeth in my head for much longer. I had had several procedures to cut away some of the gums and had learned the hard way about flossing to keep gums healthy. As a sixties child, society was great at dealing with the pill and sexual freedom, but it would seem dentistry had a long way to catch up with the beautiful people. By the time I finally summoned up the courage to get my teeth whitened it was all in vain, because thanks to the good old chemo I could no longer use the process as it is not on the list of recommended things to do.
The good news (oh thank God for that I hear you all breathe a sigh of relief) is with this particular chemo I was not going to lose my hair. I was rather fond of my new silver fox look so that was great news, and as work was difficult to get there was no point in pushing the networks for a starring role in the next season of Breaking Bad , though I must say I had rather fancied myself as an English Eccentric growing skunk out in the wilds of the desert. Me and Walt could have had a good thing going there.
Excuse my ramblings but the actress in me is never far away, which is why it is tough having to include
The side effect of the injection, however, was three days of flu-like symptoms and I must say I felt pretty rough. It also made me feel a bit depressed about the whole bloody cancer business. As long as there is no obvious pain or signs of illness I could push all negative thoughts aside, but feeling grotty was not helpful. I even had hay fever. I mean, come on God, give me a break!
By the second session I had started to develop pins and needles in the tips of my fingers and toes. It was not unpleasant but distracting all the same. The skin on my hands and fingers was starting to peel and by the end of my third session I had no ridges to my fingers and the fingerprint recognition feature on my laptop no longer recognised me – I could have committed murder and left no evidence. How quickly one is forgotten. Never mind the public, even my appliances refused to acknowledge me.
The worst effect was that for a day after chemo, every time I swallowed it was as though I had a row of razor blades at the back of my throat slicing away at anything that came its way. It was agonising. The pain only lasted for a few seconds, but I would keep forgetting and take a sip of a drink, or something, and nearly hit the roof. There was also a problem now with cold things. If I took something from the fridge or freezer I got cold freeze burns. This resulted in very strange looks in the supermarket as I would put on gloves on a boiling hot July day to pick up my frozen food from the cabinet. The air conditioning in these places is ridiculous at the best of times but now, for me, it was like a mission to the North Pole!
I was also suffering mouth ulcers, so had to gargle three times a day with salt water. My eyes started to weep and go all crusty, my nose would either bleed or drip at any random moment, and I was still having to monitor my bowel movements which became an art in itself. The painkillers make you constipated so then you would have to take something to loosen the bowels, but then, after chemo, it would all run away with itself again and I would be back on the Imodium trying to slow it all down again. It was a never-ending saga. What makes me smile now is when people come up and whisper very solicitously to me, ‘How’s it going?’ I feel like saying, ‘Oh the cancer is great, thank you, but let me tell you about the chemo, mate.’
Then there was the question of my teeth. I had struggled for many years with teeth as I had wonderful strong teeth with no fillings but awful, crap gums which were not going to do the job of keeping my teeth in my head for much longer. I had had several procedures to cut away some of the gums and had learned the hard way about flossing to keep gums healthy. As a sixties child, society was great at dealing with the pill and sexual freedom, but it would seem dentistry had a long way to catch up with the beautiful people. By the time I finally summoned up the courage to get my teeth whitened it was all in vain, because thanks to the good old chemo I could no longer use the process as it is not on the list of recommended things to do.
The good news (oh thank God for that I hear you all breathe a sigh of relief) is with this particular chemo I was not going to lose my hair. I was rather fond of my new silver fox look so that was great news, and as work was difficult to get there was no point in pushing the networks for a starring role in the next season of Breaking Bad , though I must say I had rather fancied myself as an English Eccentric growing skunk out in the wilds of the desert. Me and Walt could have had a good thing going there.
Excuse my ramblings but the actress in me is never far away, which is why it is tough having to include
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