Read Online The Truth About Love by Emma Nichols - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Emma Nichols
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spiraling out of control, right to this moment where I was now involving the courts. Still, I had never seen coming.
How had this man I loved and married become such a stranger, become someone I was wary of, someone I feared? I remembered once when we were visiting friends at an apartment complex not far from our neighborhood how a group of guys started a fight with Shane’s friend. He’d tried to be the peacekeeper. When that didn’t work, he stepped up and defended, joined in. He took care of those he cared about, always had their back. I had his too. When another one of the guys jumped on him, I had rushed into the fray and shoved the guy off. Both Shane and the guy were more than a little surprised, but I hadn’t given it a thought. We spoke about it after.
“Baby, that was great, but you can never do that again,” he admonished. “If I’m in a fight, I can’t be worrying about you, too. Stay out of it. Stay safe. That guy was ready to hit you. Weren’t you worried?”
“Nah. And if he had, I heal fast.” I joked.
He had hauled me into his arms then, held me close, murmured words of love into my hair. “ I can’t lose you. Nothing can ever happen to you. Understand?”
Nodding happily, I had basked in the warmth of his embrace. It was one of my strangely happy memories. Where had that guy gone? I had none of the depth of feelings for this surly man who had taken his place.
As expected, the office was crowded. Apparently lots of men went crazy on a Monday night during football season. There was a waiting room packed with women and a few children. They all had family and friends there to support them. I had Kylie and I was the one doing the supporting.
At the window, I was given a clipboard of paperwork to fill out. I did so as quickly as possible. It was closing in on noon and I was told over the phone earlier I needed to have the paperwork we created filed by 12:30 in order to get on the afternoon docket. Returning the paperwork to the receptionist, I went back to the chair to wait, Kylie still attached to me. This was as good a time as any to feed her, so I unhooked her onesie, opened the button, and twisted the tubing into place once more. Her feed was started and she was tethered to her pump again.
Shane would’ve hated this. He was incredibly uncomfortable with feeding her in public, like it was some dirty little secret, an embarrassment that she needed a feeding tube. That wasn’t what I saw when I looked at her. In my eyes, Kylie was a marvel, a survivor. If she needed a little extra help here or there after all she had been through, so be it. This wasn’t permanent. In time she would get over her aversion, stop choking on everything, demystify chewing, and eat like the rest of us. I had abundant patience. In fact, I was beginning to think I had been patient with Shane for too long. There was such a thing as being too understanding. Though I had promised him long ago I would love him through it, through his healing, overcoming his demons...I had found my breaking point. This was it. It was all about Kylie’s needs now.
Soon enough, I was called back to speak with a counselor. Picking up Kylie, still attached to her feed, I gathered our bags and walked through the door. It was one of those moments I knew would alter everything. I just kept hoping I was making the right decisions, and I was doing what was best. Given the circumstances, I no longer trusted my judgment.
We sat in a decent sized office. The toys in the corner suggested Kylie was not the first baby to step inside. They were prepared. I was directed to a chair beside the big angular desk where I sat with Kylie in my lap.
The counselor introduced herself. “I’m Paula.”
I responded out of habit. “Nice to meet you.”
It sounded strange because it really wasn’t nice to meet her. I could have gone my entire
How had this man I loved and married become such a stranger, become someone I was wary of, someone I feared? I remembered once when we were visiting friends at an apartment complex not far from our neighborhood how a group of guys started a fight with Shane’s friend. He’d tried to be the peacekeeper. When that didn’t work, he stepped up and defended, joined in. He took care of those he cared about, always had their back. I had his too. When another one of the guys jumped on him, I had rushed into the fray and shoved the guy off. Both Shane and the guy were more than a little surprised, but I hadn’t given it a thought. We spoke about it after.
“Baby, that was great, but you can never do that again,” he admonished. “If I’m in a fight, I can’t be worrying about you, too. Stay out of it. Stay safe. That guy was ready to hit you. Weren’t you worried?”
“Nah. And if he had, I heal fast.” I joked.
He had hauled me into his arms then, held me close, murmured words of love into my hair. “ I can’t lose you. Nothing can ever happen to you. Understand?”
Nodding happily, I had basked in the warmth of his embrace. It was one of my strangely happy memories. Where had that guy gone? I had none of the depth of feelings for this surly man who had taken his place.
As expected, the office was crowded. Apparently lots of men went crazy on a Monday night during football season. There was a waiting room packed with women and a few children. They all had family and friends there to support them. I had Kylie and I was the one doing the supporting.
At the window, I was given a clipboard of paperwork to fill out. I did so as quickly as possible. It was closing in on noon and I was told over the phone earlier I needed to have the paperwork we created filed by 12:30 in order to get on the afternoon docket. Returning the paperwork to the receptionist, I went back to the chair to wait, Kylie still attached to me. This was as good a time as any to feed her, so I unhooked her onesie, opened the button, and twisted the tubing into place once more. Her feed was started and she was tethered to her pump again.
Shane would’ve hated this. He was incredibly uncomfortable with feeding her in public, like it was some dirty little secret, an embarrassment that she needed a feeding tube. That wasn’t what I saw when I looked at her. In my eyes, Kylie was a marvel, a survivor. If she needed a little extra help here or there after all she had been through, so be it. This wasn’t permanent. In time she would get over her aversion, stop choking on everything, demystify chewing, and eat like the rest of us. I had abundant patience. In fact, I was beginning to think I had been patient with Shane for too long. There was such a thing as being too understanding. Though I had promised him long ago I would love him through it, through his healing, overcoming his demons...I had found my breaking point. This was it. It was all about Kylie’s needs now.
Soon enough, I was called back to speak with a counselor. Picking up Kylie, still attached to her feed, I gathered our bags and walked through the door. It was one of those moments I knew would alter everything. I just kept hoping I was making the right decisions, and I was doing what was best. Given the circumstances, I no longer trusted my judgment.
We sat in a decent sized office. The toys in the corner suggested Kylie was not the first baby to step inside. They were prepared. I was directed to a chair beside the big angular desk where I sat with Kylie in my lap.
The counselor introduced herself. “I’m Paula.”
I responded out of habit. “Nice to meet you.”
It sounded strange because it really wasn’t nice to meet her. I could have gone my entire
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