to get my hand stuck to the counter again.
âThanks for that,â I said, searching the length of the bar for something to wipe my hand on. I didnât see anything that would be of service, so I left it in its natural state.
I glanced at the picture shining from my phone and turned the screen toward him once more. He didnât look at it. But the stillness of his gaze seemed to require effort from him; he wasnât as cool and relaxed as heâd been at the beginning of our conversation.
âWhat if I told you this guy was dead?â
He shrugged his shoulders. The impression was like the lifting and lowering of a fortress wall.
âDo you want something to drink? If not, Iâll go serve somebody who does.â
âHe died five years ago,â I said. âIn the big flu epidemic.â
âA lot of people died back then.â
âTrue,â I said. âBut not very many came back to life.â
His hands stopped. He set the bottle of red wine he was holding in his right hand and the glass in his left hand down on the counter in front of him.
âHow about I show you the door?â he said.
âIâve only had one beer,â I said. âBut maybe that was just too much trouble for you. Or are you going to show me the door because of a guy who died of the flu five years ago?â
I showed him Tarkiainenâs picture again, and once again he didnât look at it.
âWhatâs your name?â he asked. âNo, never mindâI can find that out myself.â
He straightened up, adjusted his stance, and towered over me, showing me his shoulders in all their broadness. Whoever invented the word âoverbearingâ must have had someone like him in mind.
âWhy do you want to know my name?â I asked.
He thrust his head forward but left his chin nearly resting on his chest. He looked at me from under his eyebrows, his lined cheeks completely in shadow.
âSo Iâll know who Iâm showing the door. So I can tell the other employees that thereâs a guy named such-and-such whoâs not allowed in here.â
âAre you going to tell Pasi Tarkiainen the same thing?â
He made a gesture toward the door. A gigantic block of solid muscle with a bald head the same bright, meaty pink color as raw salmon started to head in my direction.
âSee you later,â I shouted.
I headed for the block of muscle and the door, smelled aftershave a few meters ahead, and braced myself as well as I could for the bouncer to grab me by some part of my body. He looked at the bartender, then stepped aside and let me pass. I didnât look behind me as I went down the stairs to the street and walked back to the taxi.
Half an hour later I was lying in bed staring out at the dark of the night without seeing anything.
I was thinking about Johannaâand trying not to think about her.
The building was quiet. Nothing was moving; it felt like nothing anywhere was moving. It wasnât until I lay down that I realized how tired I was, how much my body hurt, how hungry I was, and how hopeless I felt. I couldnât bear to turn my face toward Johannaâs pillow, let alone pull her blanket over me, although I was shivering under my own.
The rain tapped a rhythm against the windowsill, took a long pause before breaking out in a tight series of dozens of drops, then quieted again. I closed my eyes, listened to the wind and rain, and let my fists open and my muscles relax. Without realizing it, without wanting to, I fell asleep.
Â
ONE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS
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10
I rolled over in bed and reached for the phone on the night table. 6:05 a.m. Unknown number. Iâd slept without dreaming for almost exactly three hours.
âTapani Lehtinen,â I said, now fully awake as if I hadnât slept at allâor had slept a long time. Iâm not sure which it was.
âLassi Uutela. I assume I donât need to ask if Iâve called
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