Read Online The Frenzy by Francesca Lia Block - Free Book Online Page B

make me want to find out more, at the very least, but instead I wished I had never seen him.
    He was connected to danger.
    But, as it turned out, danger was everywhere.
    When I got home my father was on the porch, waiting for me. He stood slowly as I approached and I saw the black outline of his football shoulders against the yellow porch light.
    “Where you been?” he asked me. His voice was deep and I could hear the liquor slurring it. My hands instinctively went to my throat. It was hard to speak.
    I slowed down and walked up the front path with my head lowered.
    “We tried calling you. You know you have to be home by eight.”
    I nodded and kept my eyes on the ground.
    “We called McIntyre. He didn’t know where you were either.” His breath smelled like booze and hestood shakily, leaning against the door frame.
    “I’m sorry,” I said. “I went to the woods and I fell asleep.” I was at the door now and I just wanted to go inside and lie down but he blocked my way.
    “Worried sick,” he said. “Your mother was. I’ll tell you what, I almost called my men out. You want to get torn to shreds like all those others? Next time I’ll drag your ass with me to see the autopsy. They don’t even look human.”
    I put my hand on the doorknob. He was drunk; his reflexes might be off.
    But no. I saw him raise his hand to strike and I cringed but I couldn’t move away. His hand came down hard against my cheekbone. Tears sprang into my eyes and the damp light was sprinkled with black dots.
    “Get your ass in there,” he said. “You’re shit out of luck if you think I’m going to let you wander around like this again.” I felt him watching me the way he did when he was mad, his eyes narrowed at my back as I
    headed for the stairs.
    “What the hell are you anyway?” I heard him mumble into the darkness. “You aren’t mine, that’s for sure. You never were.”
    He was right to ask. I didn’t know what I was. Or what had happened to me in the woods or why the beautiful boy, Victor, had any interest in being formally introduced to me. This last was flattering but it also scared me. Everything scared me. And now my father had hit me in the face. I suppressed the desire to turn to him, bare my teeth and growl. Spittle accumulated in the corners of my mouth. I gripped the banister and forced my feet to walk up the steps to my room. When I got there I took my last Xanax. Nieberding had given them to me for the times when things got heavy, when the Lexapro wasn’t enough.
    Until it worked, I wrote, over and over in my diary, the words to a prayer I’d made up: “May the river of peace flow through me. May the winds of calm blow anger from my mind. May love’s fire burn awaymy pain. May the great mother protect me and may I know how to protect her as I go.” I said it every night before I went to bed. This time I needed it more than ever—something to ward off whatever was coming on.
    I couldn’t let myself get angry. I couldn’t allow it. I stopped writing the words and gripped the sheets.
    May the winds of calm blow anger from my mind.
    The meds slowly started to work until very little mattered anymore except sleep.
    In the morning I checked my cell phone messages. There were five calls from my mom, one from Pace and three from Corey. I rolled over in bed and lightly touched my cheek where it stung. I knew it would be purple in a few hours if it wasn’t already. May the river of peace flow through me… .
    I got up and went to take my Lexapro but I was out. Damn . The phone vibrated in my hand, like a live thing, as I held it. Corey.
    “Hey,” I said. “I’m sorry you couldn’t reach me.”
    “Where were you?” His voice sounded higher, shaky.
    “I went into the woods and I fell asleep,” I said. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.” It sounded lame, even to me.
    “That’s f’ ed up, Liv. I kept calling you. You can’t just go out there by yourself and sleep! It’s not safe.”
    “I