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Authors: Nury Vittachi
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ago, there weren’t any, and now they’re all over the place.’
‘Do you have them in China?’
‘Singapore. I’m from Singapore.’
‘Oh yeah, right. So do you speak Japanese?’
‘No. In Singapore people speak English mostly. They don’t speak Japanese there.’
‘Really? Weird.’
‘Yeah. Did you know it’s shorter to go from Singapore to Perth than to go from Perth to Sydney?’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Oh. I guess it’s ’cause of the curvature of the earth.’
‘I guess. Or daylight saving time.’
There was a lengthening moment of silence that grew and threatened to become awkward. The chatter of people having more successful conversations at tables neighbouring theirs became problematic. They needed to be drowned out.
Joyce and Jimmy tried to fill the space at the same time.
‘D’you —’
‘How’d —’
Both stopped. Then both spoke together again:
‘You fir —’
‘Go o —’
They both halted. This time they laughed.
‘You first,’ chuckled Joyce.
‘Can’t remember what I was gonna say,’ grinned the personal trainer. ‘Oh yeah, I know. How do they learn English in Singapore? Is it through all the video games like Nintendo and Playstation and that?’
‘I don’t know. Probably. But I thought Nintendo and that stuff was Japanese?’
‘Oh,’ said Jimmy. ‘Yeah, maybe. But I thought you said they didn’t speak Japanese?’
‘No. Well, I suppose some do. I don’t speak Japanese. That’s what I meant.’
‘Me neither.’
‘That’s interesting.’
‘Yeah. It means we got something in common. That’s very important in a —.’ He looked away, suddenly embarrassed to have almost said the word ‘friendship’.
Joyce was equally alarmed by the near-use of the word ‘friendship’. The word was closely associated with the word ‘relationship’. An instant friendship and/or relationship was precisely what she wanted from Jimmy Wegner, age twenty-three, unemployed personal trainer, of Perth. Yet she knew that the cast-iron, number-one, golden rule of dating said that at no stage of a developing relationship should either party ever admit that a relationship was developing, or that either party was remotely hopeful that a relationship might develop. To do such a thing would be to immediately forfeit all chance of a relationship developing. She didn’t know why this should be so, nor who wrote these rules. But she felt instinctively that all human beings acquired knowledge of these rules in their teens by osmosis. They were built into the genetic programming of adolescents, and would just appear, like armpit hair and zits. They must be taken seriously.
‘Er, what movies do you like?’ asked Joyce, wanting to move the discussion on to safer topics.
Jimmy smiled, grateful to her for rescuing the discussion. He wrinkled his stubbly Clark Kent jaw as he considered this. ‘Tough one,’ he said. ‘All of them, I guess.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ Joyce said.
There was another pause in the conversation, but the young woman did not want this conversational gambit to fail—it was usually a fertile one, and could often keep small talk going for hours. So she reinforced it with a bit of detail.
‘What I mean is, I like most movies, except for ones with Kevin Costner in them. And Tom Cruise. And I just hate Alicia Silverstone. And Jennifer Love Hewitt. I don’t really like movies at all, really. I prefer books. Much more intelligent don’t you think? I read all the time!’
‘Yeah. I suppose so. Movies stink. I’ll tell you what I like much better than movies.’
‘What’s that?’
‘DVDs.’
‘I so totally agree with you.’
‘They’re cool.’
‘Like totally.’
‘How you can change the language into some language you don’t understand and watch the whole movie in that language? And how Tom Cruise is talking in a squeaky voice in like Polish or Irish or African or, or, or Singaporean?’
‘You do that? I do that. Movies are way
‘Do you have them in China?’
‘Singapore. I’m from Singapore.’
‘Oh yeah, right. So do you speak Japanese?’
‘No. In Singapore people speak English mostly. They don’t speak Japanese there.’
‘Really? Weird.’
‘Yeah. Did you know it’s shorter to go from Singapore to Perth than to go from Perth to Sydney?’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Oh. I guess it’s ’cause of the curvature of the earth.’
‘I guess. Or daylight saving time.’
There was a lengthening moment of silence that grew and threatened to become awkward. The chatter of people having more successful conversations at tables neighbouring theirs became problematic. They needed to be drowned out.
Joyce and Jimmy tried to fill the space at the same time.
‘D’you —’
‘How’d —’
Both stopped. Then both spoke together again:
‘You fir —’
‘Go o —’
They both halted. This time they laughed.
‘You first,’ chuckled Joyce.
‘Can’t remember what I was gonna say,’ grinned the personal trainer. ‘Oh yeah, I know. How do they learn English in Singapore? Is it through all the video games like Nintendo and Playstation and that?’
‘I don’t know. Probably. But I thought Nintendo and that stuff was Japanese?’
‘Oh,’ said Jimmy. ‘Yeah, maybe. But I thought you said they didn’t speak Japanese?’
‘No. Well, I suppose some do. I don’t speak Japanese. That’s what I meant.’
‘Me neither.’
‘That’s interesting.’
‘Yeah. It means we got something in common. That’s very important in a —.’ He looked away, suddenly embarrassed to have almost said the word ‘friendship’.
Joyce was equally alarmed by the near-use of the word ‘friendship’. The word was closely associated with the word ‘relationship’. An instant friendship and/or relationship was precisely what she wanted from Jimmy Wegner, age twenty-three, unemployed personal trainer, of Perth. Yet she knew that the cast-iron, number-one, golden rule of dating said that at no stage of a developing relationship should either party ever admit that a relationship was developing, or that either party was remotely hopeful that a relationship might develop. To do such a thing would be to immediately forfeit all chance of a relationship developing. She didn’t know why this should be so, nor who wrote these rules. But she felt instinctively that all human beings acquired knowledge of these rules in their teens by osmosis. They were built into the genetic programming of adolescents, and would just appear, like armpit hair and zits. They must be taken seriously.
‘Er, what movies do you like?’ asked Joyce, wanting to move the discussion on to safer topics.
Jimmy smiled, grateful to her for rescuing the discussion. He wrinkled his stubbly Clark Kent jaw as he considered this. ‘Tough one,’ he said. ‘All of them, I guess.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ Joyce said.
There was another pause in the conversation, but the young woman did not want this conversational gambit to fail—it was usually a fertile one, and could often keep small talk going for hours. So she reinforced it with a bit of detail.
‘What I mean is, I like most movies, except for ones with Kevin Costner in them. And Tom Cruise. And I just hate Alicia Silverstone. And Jennifer Love Hewitt. I don’t really like movies at all, really. I prefer books. Much more intelligent don’t you think? I read all the time!’
‘Yeah. I suppose so. Movies stink. I’ll tell you what I like much better than movies.’
‘What’s that?’
‘DVDs.’
‘I so totally agree with you.’
‘They’re cool.’
‘Like totally.’
‘How you can change the language into some language you don’t understand and watch the whole movie in that language? And how Tom Cruise is talking in a squeaky voice in like Polish or Irish or African or, or, or Singaporean?’
‘You do that? I do that. Movies are way
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