has?”
“Steve? Don’t be silly.”
“Why not?” And Robert leered suggestively. Sometimes Robert made Gerry feel such a heel. As long as he never knew about Friday night.
Sue arrived late for work on Wednesday. Her eyes were red and swollen. Gerry didn’t ask what was wrong. Tuesday had been full of talk of wedding cars. She had greeted him on his arrival, not with an inquiry about the previous evening with Steve, but with the words, “Oh Gerry, good news about the cars. You won’t believe it.” She had then gone on to explain she had found a hire firm that provided white Mercedes, complete with rib-bons and a chauffeur, for only $150 each.
“They’ll even match ribbons to the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses if need be.” The man had been so nice. Three Mercedes with chauffeurs for $450, a real bargain. She would have to book early but it was such a find. Of course Steve would agree. He would get to ride in one after the ceremony after all. She’d always wanted to arrive at her own wedding in a white Mercedes. Gerry had resisted saying anything. He considered putting the cat among the pigeons by suggesting, “Have you thought about a Rolls instead?” It wouldn’t have been kind. If only she had had the sense to ask about the previous evening. If only she hadn’t been so blind to Steve’s feelings. It was going to make it doubly hard for both of them. He felt guilty knowing what was going to descend upon her. He was also worried about Steve. The kid might not go through with it. He wasn’t going to relish upsetting Sue. If he went through with the wedding it would only delay the heartache for Sue and increase it for himself, but people often goad themselves into easy solutions. Gerry had been supportive to Steve on the Monday night and Steve in turn had been sure what had to be done. But while it was one thing to have the support of Gerry, who knew what would happen once the pressures of his family and peer group were reapplied? Gerry had wanted to show him that to be homosexual was not the end of the world or even a form of social leprosy. Had he succeeded? Would it have any lasting affect? Conditioning was so strong. The worst part of it was knowing Sue. For her sake too it should be called off. Unfortunately she would never see it that way. The dress, the cars, the day, were all more important than the groom. He was only subsequential to the total. That was probably how things had got this far. No wonder he was prepared to “wait”. Neither were particularly interested in the relationship to follow.
And now it was Wednesday. Sue’s eyes were burnt and sore. What a pair they made! Gerry still feared Robert would find out about Friday. Robert would not under-stand. Yesterday’s papers had been quiet. It might still all pass by. A remark of Robert’s stuck in Gerry’s mind. Robert had said, “It’s motiveless crimes like that that go unsolved.” He had said it casually and perhaps he was right. If so, he need never know Gerry had gone out that Friday with the express purpose of being unfaithful to him. After ten years he had chosen that night. Now Gerry and five strangers shared in a conspiracy. After the blows of outrage, the silence of conspiracy. Yet he knew justice had been done. He believed there would be no further outcome. It had taken years of repression, and now there had been this backlash there would be no further reprisals. The act was complete in itself. Sue sat down at her desk and looked straight ahead. She neither looked nor spoke to Gerry. He said good morning to her but kept on working. He knew that sooner or later he would have to look up. He put off the moment. What couid he say? He wanted to look her in the eye and say, “It’s not my responsibility.” If he had broken up with Robert and it was him sitting there with swollen red eyes, what solicitude would anyone offer? With Sue it would be as public as the wedding plans had been. He couldn’t help feeling
“Steve? Don’t be silly.”
“Why not?” And Robert leered suggestively. Sometimes Robert made Gerry feel such a heel. As long as he never knew about Friday night.
Sue arrived late for work on Wednesday. Her eyes were red and swollen. Gerry didn’t ask what was wrong. Tuesday had been full of talk of wedding cars. She had greeted him on his arrival, not with an inquiry about the previous evening with Steve, but with the words, “Oh Gerry, good news about the cars. You won’t believe it.” She had then gone on to explain she had found a hire firm that provided white Mercedes, complete with rib-bons and a chauffeur, for only $150 each.
“They’ll even match ribbons to the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses if need be.” The man had been so nice. Three Mercedes with chauffeurs for $450, a real bargain. She would have to book early but it was such a find. Of course Steve would agree. He would get to ride in one after the ceremony after all. She’d always wanted to arrive at her own wedding in a white Mercedes. Gerry had resisted saying anything. He considered putting the cat among the pigeons by suggesting, “Have you thought about a Rolls instead?” It wouldn’t have been kind. If only she had had the sense to ask about the previous evening. If only she hadn’t been so blind to Steve’s feelings. It was going to make it doubly hard for both of them. He felt guilty knowing what was going to descend upon her. He was also worried about Steve. The kid might not go through with it. He wasn’t going to relish upsetting Sue. If he went through with the wedding it would only delay the heartache for Sue and increase it for himself, but people often goad themselves into easy solutions. Gerry had been supportive to Steve on the Monday night and Steve in turn had been sure what had to be done. But while it was one thing to have the support of Gerry, who knew what would happen once the pressures of his family and peer group were reapplied? Gerry had wanted to show him that to be homosexual was not the end of the world or even a form of social leprosy. Had he succeeded? Would it have any lasting affect? Conditioning was so strong. The worst part of it was knowing Sue. For her sake too it should be called off. Unfortunately she would never see it that way. The dress, the cars, the day, were all more important than the groom. He was only subsequential to the total. That was probably how things had got this far. No wonder he was prepared to “wait”. Neither were particularly interested in the relationship to follow.
And now it was Wednesday. Sue’s eyes were burnt and sore. What a pair they made! Gerry still feared Robert would find out about Friday. Robert would not under-stand. Yesterday’s papers had been quiet. It might still all pass by. A remark of Robert’s stuck in Gerry’s mind. Robert had said, “It’s motiveless crimes like that that go unsolved.” He had said it casually and perhaps he was right. If so, he need never know Gerry had gone out that Friday with the express purpose of being unfaithful to him. After ten years he had chosen that night. Now Gerry and five strangers shared in a conspiracy. After the blows of outrage, the silence of conspiracy. Yet he knew justice had been done. He believed there would be no further outcome. It had taken years of repression, and now there had been this backlash there would be no further reprisals. The act was complete in itself. Sue sat down at her desk and looked straight ahead. She neither looked nor spoke to Gerry. He said good morning to her but kept on working. He knew that sooner or later he would have to look up. He put off the moment. What couid he say? He wanted to look her in the eye and say, “It’s not my responsibility.” If he had broken up with Robert and it was him sitting there with swollen red eyes, what solicitude would anyone offer? With Sue it would be as public as the wedding plans had been. He couldn’t help feeling
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