you. Or maybe I never really did. I know this sounds stupid. I had that ball. Remember the football you—”
“Of course I fucking remember.”
“Yeah, yeah I guess you would. I got in a fight with my brother and then I held it and . . .” I struggle to form the words in my head and then it’s me pacing the way Alec just was.
“And what?” he asks.
We both pause, standing about two feet apart. “I realized I’m not the same person you gave it to. That guy might not have been out but he didn’t hurt you. He didn’t run the way I do now. I want to be him again.”
When Alec is still silent, I add, “I know you’re with—”
“We’re just friends. I told you that. He’s been a good friend.”
When I haven’t been.
I get it. I glance away.
“I don’t know if I want to be your friend anymore.”
His words are a knife to my stomach, slow and deadly, taking out anything it finds in its way. And I deserve it. “Yeah . . . yeah, okay.” I almost step toward him but make myself stop. “But I can’t go. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or the wrong thing. I need to do this. It’ll kill me if that hurts you but . . . I always felt like I found myself in Lakeland Village, ya know? I mean, I always wondered, but I never knew until I met you. I’m even more lost then I was then, Alec. I’ve got this stupid heart thing and everyone on my back. I need to figure shit out and, hell, maybe I’m being an asshole but I’m not ready to give up. Even though I can’t have you all the way, I . . .”
Alec sighs. “You could’ve had all of me.”
It’s been two days since we left Alec’s apartment. Charlie and Nate have been working around the cabins both days. It’s strange seeing her dad in a wheelchair, but he’s still out there helping any way he can. When we were kids and came here you could tell how much he loved it. The place was his life and it’s obvious it still is, even though things are hard for him. He washes boats, and he shows people to their cabins and just like he always was, he’s outside doing something.
I’ve always given my all to football like that. It’s been my life. But when I look at him, I don’t know if I want it to be my life forever. Hell, I’m not even fighting for it the way he’s fighting to keep running the place he loves.
“Still can’t believe you’re the same kid who used to run around here, dragging Alec around and playing ball with him.” Alec’s dad steps up next to the porch where I’m sitting, taking my attention from Charlie’s. It’s the same cabin we used to rent when we came here with our parents when we were younger.
“I am, sir. I didn’t drag him around though.” I shrug. “He’s good. I liked playing ball with him.” Turning, I hope like hell Alec’s dad walks away. The last thing I want is to listen to him. He’s always made Alec feel like shit.
“Good for
here
. He’s not looking to get drafted into the NFL.”
“Could if he wanted. I’m not sure if I’ll be playing this year either.”
“Alec doesn’t fight the way you do. He’s my kid and I love him but hell, even when it came to Charlie, he just let her go. He’d been in love with the girl his whole life. No offense to your brother.” He laughs and the thing is, I know he doesn’t realize he’s being an asshole. It doesn’t change the fact that I’d give anything to knock him out. To tell him Alec was never in love with Charlie and that he doesn’t know shit about his son.
I open my mouth to say something, I don’t even know what—to tell him to fuck off or that Alec fights harder than I ever do, but Alec’s mom steps out of the office across the driveway and yells, “Honey! Can you come here for a second?”
“Be right there.” He replies before looking at me again. “Good having you around. I’d love to sit down with ya sometime and talk football.”
I can’t help but wonder if he’d still want to talk to me if he knew I
“Of course I fucking remember.”
“Yeah, yeah I guess you would. I got in a fight with my brother and then I held it and . . .” I struggle to form the words in my head and then it’s me pacing the way Alec just was.
“And what?” he asks.
We both pause, standing about two feet apart. “I realized I’m not the same person you gave it to. That guy might not have been out but he didn’t hurt you. He didn’t run the way I do now. I want to be him again.”
When Alec is still silent, I add, “I know you’re with—”
“We’re just friends. I told you that. He’s been a good friend.”
When I haven’t been.
I get it. I glance away.
“I don’t know if I want to be your friend anymore.”
His words are a knife to my stomach, slow and deadly, taking out anything it finds in its way. And I deserve it. “Yeah . . . yeah, okay.” I almost step toward him but make myself stop. “But I can’t go. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do or the wrong thing. I need to do this. It’ll kill me if that hurts you but . . . I always felt like I found myself in Lakeland Village, ya know? I mean, I always wondered, but I never knew until I met you. I’m even more lost then I was then, Alec. I’ve got this stupid heart thing and everyone on my back. I need to figure shit out and, hell, maybe I’m being an asshole but I’m not ready to give up. Even though I can’t have you all the way, I . . .”
Alec sighs. “You could’ve had all of me.”
It’s been two days since we left Alec’s apartment. Charlie and Nate have been working around the cabins both days. It’s strange seeing her dad in a wheelchair, but he’s still out there helping any way he can. When we were kids and came here you could tell how much he loved it. The place was his life and it’s obvious it still is, even though things are hard for him. He washes boats, and he shows people to their cabins and just like he always was, he’s outside doing something.
I’ve always given my all to football like that. It’s been my life. But when I look at him, I don’t know if I want it to be my life forever. Hell, I’m not even fighting for it the way he’s fighting to keep running the place he loves.
“Still can’t believe you’re the same kid who used to run around here, dragging Alec around and playing ball with him.” Alec’s dad steps up next to the porch where I’m sitting, taking my attention from Charlie’s. It’s the same cabin we used to rent when we came here with our parents when we were younger.
“I am, sir. I didn’t drag him around though.” I shrug. “He’s good. I liked playing ball with him.” Turning, I hope like hell Alec’s dad walks away. The last thing I want is to listen to him. He’s always made Alec feel like shit.
“Good for
here
. He’s not looking to get drafted into the NFL.”
“Could if he wanted. I’m not sure if I’ll be playing this year either.”
“Alec doesn’t fight the way you do. He’s my kid and I love him but hell, even when it came to Charlie, he just let her go. He’d been in love with the girl his whole life. No offense to your brother.” He laughs and the thing is, I know he doesn’t realize he’s being an asshole. It doesn’t change the fact that I’d give anything to knock him out. To tell him Alec was never in love with Charlie and that he doesn’t know shit about his son.
I open my mouth to say something, I don’t even know what—to tell him to fuck off or that Alec fights harder than I ever do, but Alec’s mom steps out of the office across the driveway and yells, “Honey! Can you come here for a second?”
“Be right there.” He replies before looking at me again. “Good having you around. I’d love to sit down with ya sometime and talk football.”
I can’t help but wonder if he’d still want to talk to me if he knew I
Similar Books
