is how you’ve always lived. Easy girls, gettin’ into trouble and bringin’ someone down to your level. Hell, I still can’t believe Jerri fucked you again especially after you made her have that abortion before you ended up in Walpole four years ago. So don’t you dare tell me how you have to stop and think because we both know you’re not thinkin’ about anything or anyone except how to cover your own ass!”
I finished my drink and ran my hands through my cropped hair. “That is such bullshit, and you know it. You think I wanted to drag you into this? I knew you’d resent me after the adrenaline wore off and reality set in. You’re stuck with some loser when you can be with the crème de la crème in Europe working for some rich ass pharmaceutical company. You shoulda got on that plane, Liv.”
“I wanted us to leave together, Shaw, but you wouldn’t fucking listen! Your first night out of the pen and what do you do? You set up a deal with undercover cops tied to Povikov and Carter? You couldn’t wait one lousy day? I had the money for the tickets and I was gonna get us both outta there. My cousin has a source in the Passport Department in Pittsburgh. He risked his ass to get you a genuine passport and it cost me twenty thousand dollars. We were almost home free but you had to fuck up yet again and you’re the reason why we’re in this mess now—not me!” Liv began to pace, and that was never a good sign. It only meant she wasn’t finished, she was just getting started.
“What the fuck is it with you and the thug life, huh? Did you watch too many old Tupac and Biggie videos? Worship Dr. Dre and Eminem? Think that there is anything glamorous about drinking Cristal with drug money and having cheap whores all over you? If it was such a great life, why do you think they all left it and became hip-hop stars? It’s a dead end, Shaw! It leaves you in prison for life or dead by the age of twenty-five and no one will remember you.
“I went to school. I busted my ass to get out of Dorchester and I worked myself damn near to death doing it. You think I liked being on that stage shaking my ass for those rich assholes so I could get good tips. Or how about all the blowjobs? It was just a way for me to get through school so I could save money and not have any student debt. It was never gonna be a career choice for me!” Liv’s face was stained crimson with tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Just come on out and say—don’t hold back now.”
“I threw my whole future away for you! And look where it got me? Smack dab in the motherfucking thug life I have been running away from since I could walk! Why should I be on the run for the rest of my life when I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science degree from Boston University, Shaw? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just walk away from you right now!”
I threw my empty glass against the wall where it broke, and charged her, grabbing her by the shoulders before she could stop me. “I can’t make you stay, Liv, you know that. It’s not too late. You can still take that job in Switzerland and no one would be the wiser. Go! If I am such a goddamn burden for you and you don’t want to be with me then leave. Christ knows I never wanted to see you trapped in this lifestyle—”
“We both know it’s too late for ‘goodbyes’ and ‘see ya,’ Shaw.” Her gorgeous violet blue eyes with their green striations surrounding her pupils widened. “You know we’re the same. I might have my fancy college education but underneath it all, I’m a ride or die. I’m not going to leave you in a situation that is partly my fault so stop acting like a major dickhead and help me through this crisis of conscience I’m having.”
“What did you say?”
“Goddamn it, I’m fucking scared, Shaw!” she screamed as she leaned into me and began to sob.
I let go of her shoulders and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close as possible to me. “I
I finished my drink and ran my hands through my cropped hair. “That is such bullshit, and you know it. You think I wanted to drag you into this? I knew you’d resent me after the adrenaline wore off and reality set in. You’re stuck with some loser when you can be with the crème de la crème in Europe working for some rich ass pharmaceutical company. You shoulda got on that plane, Liv.”
“I wanted us to leave together, Shaw, but you wouldn’t fucking listen! Your first night out of the pen and what do you do? You set up a deal with undercover cops tied to Povikov and Carter? You couldn’t wait one lousy day? I had the money for the tickets and I was gonna get us both outta there. My cousin has a source in the Passport Department in Pittsburgh. He risked his ass to get you a genuine passport and it cost me twenty thousand dollars. We were almost home free but you had to fuck up yet again and you’re the reason why we’re in this mess now—not me!” Liv began to pace, and that was never a good sign. It only meant she wasn’t finished, she was just getting started.
“What the fuck is it with you and the thug life, huh? Did you watch too many old Tupac and Biggie videos? Worship Dr. Dre and Eminem? Think that there is anything glamorous about drinking Cristal with drug money and having cheap whores all over you? If it was such a great life, why do you think they all left it and became hip-hop stars? It’s a dead end, Shaw! It leaves you in prison for life or dead by the age of twenty-five and no one will remember you.
“I went to school. I busted my ass to get out of Dorchester and I worked myself damn near to death doing it. You think I liked being on that stage shaking my ass for those rich assholes so I could get good tips. Or how about all the blowjobs? It was just a way for me to get through school so I could save money and not have any student debt. It was never gonna be a career choice for me!” Liv’s face was stained crimson with tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Just come on out and say—don’t hold back now.”
“I threw my whole future away for you! And look where it got me? Smack dab in the motherfucking thug life I have been running away from since I could walk! Why should I be on the run for the rest of my life when I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science degree from Boston University, Shaw? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just walk away from you right now!”
I threw my empty glass against the wall where it broke, and charged her, grabbing her by the shoulders before she could stop me. “I can’t make you stay, Liv, you know that. It’s not too late. You can still take that job in Switzerland and no one would be the wiser. Go! If I am such a goddamn burden for you and you don’t want to be with me then leave. Christ knows I never wanted to see you trapped in this lifestyle—”
“We both know it’s too late for ‘goodbyes’ and ‘see ya,’ Shaw.” Her gorgeous violet blue eyes with their green striations surrounding her pupils widened. “You know we’re the same. I might have my fancy college education but underneath it all, I’m a ride or die. I’m not going to leave you in a situation that is partly my fault so stop acting like a major dickhead and help me through this crisis of conscience I’m having.”
“What did you say?”
“Goddamn it, I’m fucking scared, Shaw!” she screamed as she leaned into me and began to sob.
I let go of her shoulders and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close as possible to me. “I
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