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Authors: Timothy S. Lane
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the baby took little, or better yet, nothing of her because she didnât think she could stand to be divided, to be wrest of her own self again.
Her plan seemed to work with Jimmy. A little pale-skinned mouse of a boy who was more interesting than adorable. She was relieved and angry all at once that it had worked. Aside from size, the kid was all Todd. It was as though, through some biological impossibility, she had cuckolded herself.
Then, when Todd wanted another child, she agreed. When Suzie had been born, it brought them together in a way that patterned her skin in goose bumpsâcorny, but trueâand so there was a hope that with more children, they could reclaim that space of being two people in love. And, if it didnât work out that way, it seemed Jimmy only got her slightness, and that wasnât so much to give.
Hot August, a chore to conceive Dex. A favor to the big, hulking man above her, inside her, everywhere. Everything close. Logic rebounding too quickly. She wanted it too, right? Then halfway through a mild May, Dex came. Huge like his father, he needed a C-section when he twisted in the womb and the umbilical cord wrapped. Left a scar on her belly. Braille she often read. And there was a problem she noticed from first sight. Heâd taken in the womb when Genny wasnât looking. Here he was, dark like her father, eyes like her mother, and her own straight hair so black it was almost blue. âThat hair comes from Japanese royalty,â her mother used to tell her.
There was more. Dex had taken the way she smacked her lips while she drifted to sleep, as if it were tasty. He took her love of sly humor, her way of holding her fork as if it were a tree branch she was hanging from, and the little cough she always seemed to have in the morning. Also, she started to realize that while Jimmy hadnât seemed like her at first, she was coming out in him as he got older. He had her way of shaking his hair out of his eyes when it was too long in the front, her little curl in the upper lip that called his bluff when he was trying not to laugh, her love ofstaring out the window while it rained, and her crooked, double-jointed fingers.
She had been divided again. A part of her split into two boys, running full on into a life filled with sadness. They were like two arms she had no control over but still caused her pain when they flailed and bumped and bruised.
Itâs a terrible deal with life
, she thought.
Heart cracked, she applied local anesthesiaâdelving into the practical. It just didnât hurt as much, if you kept yourself busy. She picked up extra shifts at the hospital, became obsessed with the small flower garden at the front of her house, dreamed of how her life would be if she had married differently, or never married at all. And then sometimes she just got dripping drunk off economy-sized bottles of cheap white wine. Ignoring her boys, her vulnerability, she confused the wineâs fuzziness with the soft love she missed feeling from her time before, her time with Suzie.
â¢Â   â¢Â   â¢
Maybe it was here, with the death of Suzie on the heels of a basketball flameout of epic proportions, old Finn Kirkus off wandering the streets, that people first started talking about the Kirkus Curse. Or maybe that came later. It was a long, leaky life. Many more chances for tragedy to seep in.
Rule 5. Be Betrayed
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
JIMMY KIRKUS, SIXTEEN YEARS OLDâEIGHT HOURS AFTER THE WALL.
H is pops is already halfway across the hospital parking lot to the road by the time Jimmyâs ready to go. Apparently the old man doesnât want to drive. Jimmy sees the Van Eyck delivery truck parked crooked, cow skull grinning out the window, and is almost relieved. These days he always prefers to walk. Jimmy looks back once more to the hospital, and then is off in pursuit.
The night is lit. Columbia City had its first and probably last snow of
Her plan seemed to work with Jimmy. A little pale-skinned mouse of a boy who was more interesting than adorable. She was relieved and angry all at once that it had worked. Aside from size, the kid was all Todd. It was as though, through some biological impossibility, she had cuckolded herself.
Then, when Todd wanted another child, she agreed. When Suzie had been born, it brought them together in a way that patterned her skin in goose bumpsâcorny, but trueâand so there was a hope that with more children, they could reclaim that space of being two people in love. And, if it didnât work out that way, it seemed Jimmy only got her slightness, and that wasnât so much to give.
Hot August, a chore to conceive Dex. A favor to the big, hulking man above her, inside her, everywhere. Everything close. Logic rebounding too quickly. She wanted it too, right? Then halfway through a mild May, Dex came. Huge like his father, he needed a C-section when he twisted in the womb and the umbilical cord wrapped. Left a scar on her belly. Braille she often read. And there was a problem she noticed from first sight. Heâd taken in the womb when Genny wasnât looking. Here he was, dark like her father, eyes like her mother, and her own straight hair so black it was almost blue. âThat hair comes from Japanese royalty,â her mother used to tell her.
There was more. Dex had taken the way she smacked her lips while she drifted to sleep, as if it were tasty. He took her love of sly humor, her way of holding her fork as if it were a tree branch she was hanging from, and the little cough she always seemed to have in the morning. Also, she started to realize that while Jimmy hadnât seemed like her at first, she was coming out in him as he got older. He had her way of shaking his hair out of his eyes when it was too long in the front, her little curl in the upper lip that called his bluff when he was trying not to laugh, her love ofstaring out the window while it rained, and her crooked, double-jointed fingers.
She had been divided again. A part of her split into two boys, running full on into a life filled with sadness. They were like two arms she had no control over but still caused her pain when they flailed and bumped and bruised.
Itâs a terrible deal with life
, she thought.
Heart cracked, she applied local anesthesiaâdelving into the practical. It just didnât hurt as much, if you kept yourself busy. She picked up extra shifts at the hospital, became obsessed with the small flower garden at the front of her house, dreamed of how her life would be if she had married differently, or never married at all. And then sometimes she just got dripping drunk off economy-sized bottles of cheap white wine. Ignoring her boys, her vulnerability, she confused the wineâs fuzziness with the soft love she missed feeling from her time before, her time with Suzie.
â¢Â   â¢Â   â¢
Maybe it was here, with the death of Suzie on the heels of a basketball flameout of epic proportions, old Finn Kirkus off wandering the streets, that people first started talking about the Kirkus Curse. Or maybe that came later. It was a long, leaky life. Many more chances for tragedy to seep in.
Rule 5. Be Betrayed
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
JIMMY KIRKUS, SIXTEEN YEARS OLDâEIGHT HOURS AFTER THE WALL.
H is pops is already halfway across the hospital parking lot to the road by the time Jimmyâs ready to go. Apparently the old man doesnât want to drive. Jimmy sees the Van Eyck delivery truck parked crooked, cow skull grinning out the window, and is almost relieved. These days he always prefers to walk. Jimmy looks back once more to the hospital, and then is off in pursuit.
The night is lit. Columbia City had its first and probably last snow of
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