do. It
floats through the atmosphere before any eagerly anticipated event,
overtaking my friends, turning them into oversized, overexcited
over-indulgers. But my jaded sense of youth always somehow repelled
it, and though close enough to taste, it couldn't find it's way
past my vague apathy. I suppose I'd always felt I had real things
to be dealing with. My parents' issues, Bits... not the frivolity
of adolescence. So I smiled and nodded and acted eager for things
that, in reality, would come and go like any other day.
But this time is
different. Whatever cynical force field has always guarded me from
such youthful thrills has weakened somehow, and the excitement
seeps into my pores and fills me with a long-lost sense of
exhilaration. Of enthusiasm. For once, I actually feel my age, and
as our trip approaches, I only grow more eager.
The fact that our friends who graduated last
year are in town only adds to the festive ambience, and as I listen
to Kendall rattle on about Chicago and her boyfriend, I don't have
to fake my interest.
We've been friends for
years – ever since I started playing football with her older
brother, Randy, my freshman year, and she got close with Bits
during that time, too. We sit around wasting time before we head to
Andy's, and Bits asks question after question about Sebastian, the
boyfriend Kendall never thought she'd have, and the apparent love
of her life.
A few months ago I would
have teased her endlessly – we bonded over our skepticism about
love. In fact, we both made a pact that neither of us would get
sucked into a romantic relationship during high school. And we both
kept it.
Our physical attraction
and meeting of the minds on the emotional aspect of hooking up,
namely that there shouldn't really be one, led us to an extremely
convenient friends-with-benefits relationship for over a year,
until about a month before she left for Chicago. We never had sex,
but we did just about everything else… a lot. The fact that she
couldn't care less if I did have sex with other girls, should I feel like it,
which I sometimes did, didn't hurt either.
And just as we planned,
when we were done, we were done, and our friendship continued
unscathed. Kendall is, in fact, the only girl who promised to keep
her emotions out of it, and actually managed to keep up her end of
that bargain.
But meeting this guy has changed her
opinions on almost everything, and by her second semester, she was
preaching to me about how wrong we were, and how when I meet the
right girl, I'll see.
At first I thought she'd simply lost her
damned mind. It was, of course, the only reasonable explanation.
But my cynicism has been fading in recent weeks, and now I'm kind
of glad this guy's changed Kendall's tune, because I'm not sure I'd
be all that convincing in my customary denunciation of all things
love and relationships.
"I know you think I'm crazy," Kendall says
finally, but I simply shrug.
I honestly don't know what I think
anymore.
Kendall narrows her eyes at me in suspicion.
"I'd expect a little more judgment from you... perhaps a few
reminders of previous pacts? I'd have thought you'd be
force-feeding me my own words, Cap."
Bit cracks up laughing, and I shoot her a
censuring glare.
"What can I say, Ken? I'm happy you're
happy," I say.
"Yep, happy," Bits agrees,
but her tone gives me pause. It's the same one she's used since she
was about three, right before she says something to embarrass me.
"Also, Sammy's been a little distracted lately," she adds, and I
roll my eyes, knowing where she's going with this.
"I've noticed," Kendall agrees with a
smirk.
"If you two are going to be annoying, I'll
just go to Andy's early," I threaten, but they just laugh.
"I'm surprised you're even
going out tonight, what with your life or death tutoring
commitment," Kendall teases, and they giggle like ten year olds.
Just because she wanted to hang out the other night and I refused
to reschedule tutoring Rory. But it was my
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