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T-R-E-A-C-H-E-R-Y. Breaking someone’s collarbone may be considered treachery.”
    Ms. Washington smiled at me with her big brown eyes, very much like bigger, darker versions of the eyes of Serena Perl, who, incidentally, was looking not at me but at Rocko Hoggen.
    â€œYour last word, Ben, is teachable .”
    Maybe I was distracted by Serena Perl, but all of a sudden, I just saw these letters playing a crazy basketball game in front of my eyes, bouncing all around in a blur. “Teachable. T-E-A-C-H-A-B-E-L . We try to train my dog, Monkeylad, but he’s not teachable.”
    Ms. Washington looked sad, with all the usually upward-turning parts of her face turning down.
    â€œI’m sorry, Ben. That’s not correct. Rocko?”
    â€œTeachable. T-E-A-C-H-A-B-L-E, ” said Rocko Hoggen. “Some people misspell words and are not teachable.”
    Everyone laughed. Including Leif Zuniga and Serena Perl.
    â€œThat’s enough, Rocko.”
    â€œSorry, Ben,” he said. He actually sounded like he meant it.
    â€œGood work, boys.” Ms. Washington held up a medal with a picture of a bee on it and pinned it on Rocko Hoggen. “Congratulations. You’re the bee’s knees. Okay, class, time for recess.”
    Ms. Washington asked me to stay and talk to her—“Ben, Ben, please”—but I was already running outside as fast as I could go.
    Unfortunately, you can’t outrun everything.
    Ella Bean and Regina Mendez joined me. I slowed down to be nice when they called my name. Big mistake.

    â€œHi, Ben,” they said.
    â€œHi.”
    â€œCan we have your Darters jersey?” Regina asked.
    â€œSorry, no.”
    â€œBut we want it. It’s cool.” They started to chase me, so I ran fast.
    â€œI bet he’d give it to Serena if she asked,” Ella said.
    â€œHey, Ben,” Regina yelled after me, “Serena told me she doesn’t like you. At all. Not even as a friend.”
    Have I mentioned that my life is miserable?
    Â 
    BAD THINGS

    Life is full of bad things that can happen. Here are some of them. Someone could get stuck with needles. Someone could cut themselves on someone else’s spiked leather boots. Someone could fall on the playground and scrape their face off. Someone could be attacked by wild demon dogs who want to lick off all their sunscreen.
    These are just a few of the bad things that can happen in life.

 
    CHAPTER 14
    REAL-LIFE MONSTERS
    Ms. Washington took me aside at recess the next day.
    â€œBen, I want to talk to you.”
    â€œUh, okay.”
    â€œIs everything all right at home?”
    I was so frustrated that I just started talking. I couldn’t stop. I told Ms. Washington about all the things that had been bothering me since Christmas. Tree and Thursday and camp and my bike. I don’t know if I made any sense. But I didn’t tell Ms. Washington about the thing that was bothering me the most: Serena Perl.
    â€œMaybe we should have a conference with your mom,” Ms. Washington said.
    *   *   *
    The next day my mom came in.

    â€œBen seems a little upset,” Ms. Washington began as we sat in the kid chairs in my classroom that made my mom’s and Ms. Washington’s knees come up too high. “He said something about a girl who painted his room black.”
    â€œI know,” said my mom. “I feel terrible. My friend’s daughter came to stay with us over Christmas, and she’d changed a lot. She painted Ben’s room. And she nailed something to his bed.”
    â€œMade my bed into a coffin,” I said.
    My mom looked very upset. “We dismantled that, but I haven’t had a chance to repaint, so Ben’s been staying with his sister until we do.” She looked at me. “I’m sorry, Ben.”
    â€œBen also said something about needles?”

    â€œOh, yes. That must have worried you. Acupuncture needles,” my mom said.