Read Online Matt's Story by Lauren Gibaldi - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Lauren Gibaldi
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letters to my room, shutting the door behind me. I sit at my desk and look at both of them.
I can go to Seattle. I can move on.
Or.
Or I can go back to Orlando. I can start over there. I know I can’t undo everything I’ve done, I know I run the risk of her hating me, and I deserve it, I do. I’ve been horrible. But I can try to make it better. Maybe it’s that simple.
Kat planned her school to be close to Cindy because she believed in them. They were up against life, but they survived. They didn’t run and duck out like me, they embraced their problems and fought. I should have done that from the start. I shouldn’t have escaped, I should have held on.
I get up and walk across the hall to Chris’s room. “Hey.” I hold out both papers.
“UW AND UCF? That’s awesome!” he says, leaning over on his computer chair to give me a high five. He settles back down and looks at me. “But judging by your face, you’re not happy.”
“I am,” I say. “It’s awesome that both schools want me. It’s just—”
“It’s just you had your heart set on UW, but now you have another option that might be more tempting.”
“But it shouldn’t be, right? I left there. I can’t go back there, to all that.”
“Why not?” he asks, still trying to figure it out.
“I never told Ella about you,” I admit, finally. “I kept it all from her.”
“Why?” he asks, confused.
“Because I didn’t want to involve her. I didn’t want her to be wrapped up in our drama.”
“Well, that was stupid.”
“Yeah, I know that now. And then when we got here, Mom and Dad didn’t want me to because—”
“Of me,” he sighs. “Got it.” He looks back at his computer, then turns around again. “But you loved her?”
“Yeah,” I say, sitting on the ground, leaning against his wall.
“So why can’t you tell her now?”
“It’s just so much, and it’s been too long.”
“Matt, didn’t we just discuss this?” he asks, swirling in his chair to study me, stare me down.
“I’m scared,” I admit. And that’s it. That’s really it, I’m just absolutely terrified. Of hurting her. Of getting hurt. I know if I go back I’ll have to do it as me, and not with notes or messages. I’ll have to show her the real me in order for her to trust me again. And that’s terrifying. I don’t know how to do that with someone I care about so much when everything relies on it.
“Dude,” Chris says, kicking my legs. “Man up.”
I look at him, raise an eyebrow, and smile.
CHAPTER 11
“You got everything, right?” my mom asks for the seven thousandth time.
“Yes, Mom,” I say, closing my car’s trunk. “Everything is packed—oh wait, crap, hold on.” I remember something important and run back into the house. I reach under my bed and grab my bass guitar. I’ve missed it. I take it out of its case and feel the cool strings against my fingers again. They’re familiar, like an old friend coming back. I put it back in its case and run outside.
“How’d you forget that?” my dad asks, opening the trunk again. My car is small, but we fit almost everything in. The rest is in my parents’ car, which will be following behindme. Thankfully I’m moving into a furnished apartment, so I don’t have to worry about pink or purple microwaves and the like.
“I’m going to miss you so much, sweetie,” Mom says, pulling me in for a hug. Dad looks on awkwardly, not one for physical contact. But he’s here sending me off, so that’s something. It was another argument, another talk, but eventually he came into my room and said he was proud. Eventually he had a conversation with Chris that didn’t involve yelling. Eventually he decided to be a dad, and explained that his father never was one, so he never knew how to do it. I haven’t seen it much yet, but he’s coming on this trip, so that’s a start.
“Mom, I can’t breathe,” I say, and she releases me. I hear a car and turn around to see Delilah’s
I can go to Seattle. I can move on.
Or.
Or I can go back to Orlando. I can start over there. I know I can’t undo everything I’ve done, I know I run the risk of her hating me, and I deserve it, I do. I’ve been horrible. But I can try to make it better. Maybe it’s that simple.
Kat planned her school to be close to Cindy because she believed in them. They were up against life, but they survived. They didn’t run and duck out like me, they embraced their problems and fought. I should have done that from the start. I shouldn’t have escaped, I should have held on.
I get up and walk across the hall to Chris’s room. “Hey.” I hold out both papers.
“UW AND UCF? That’s awesome!” he says, leaning over on his computer chair to give me a high five. He settles back down and looks at me. “But judging by your face, you’re not happy.”
“I am,” I say. “It’s awesome that both schools want me. It’s just—”
“It’s just you had your heart set on UW, but now you have another option that might be more tempting.”
“But it shouldn’t be, right? I left there. I can’t go back there, to all that.”
“Why not?” he asks, still trying to figure it out.
“I never told Ella about you,” I admit, finally. “I kept it all from her.”
“Why?” he asks, confused.
“Because I didn’t want to involve her. I didn’t want her to be wrapped up in our drama.”
“Well, that was stupid.”
“Yeah, I know that now. And then when we got here, Mom and Dad didn’t want me to because—”
“Of me,” he sighs. “Got it.” He looks back at his computer, then turns around again. “But you loved her?”
“Yeah,” I say, sitting on the ground, leaning against his wall.
“So why can’t you tell her now?”
“It’s just so much, and it’s been too long.”
“Matt, didn’t we just discuss this?” he asks, swirling in his chair to study me, stare me down.
“I’m scared,” I admit. And that’s it. That’s really it, I’m just absolutely terrified. Of hurting her. Of getting hurt. I know if I go back I’ll have to do it as me, and not with notes or messages. I’ll have to show her the real me in order for her to trust me again. And that’s terrifying. I don’t know how to do that with someone I care about so much when everything relies on it.
“Dude,” Chris says, kicking my legs. “Man up.”
I look at him, raise an eyebrow, and smile.
CHAPTER 11
“You got everything, right?” my mom asks for the seven thousandth time.
“Yes, Mom,” I say, closing my car’s trunk. “Everything is packed—oh wait, crap, hold on.” I remember something important and run back into the house. I reach under my bed and grab my bass guitar. I’ve missed it. I take it out of its case and feel the cool strings against my fingers again. They’re familiar, like an old friend coming back. I put it back in its case and run outside.
“How’d you forget that?” my dad asks, opening the trunk again. My car is small, but we fit almost everything in. The rest is in my parents’ car, which will be following behindme. Thankfully I’m moving into a furnished apartment, so I don’t have to worry about pink or purple microwaves and the like.
“I’m going to miss you so much, sweetie,” Mom says, pulling me in for a hug. Dad looks on awkwardly, not one for physical contact. But he’s here sending me off, so that’s something. It was another argument, another talk, but eventually he came into my room and said he was proud. Eventually he had a conversation with Chris that didn’t involve yelling. Eventually he decided to be a dad, and explained that his father never was one, so he never knew how to do it. I haven’t seen it much yet, but he’s coming on this trip, so that’s a start.
“Mom, I can’t breathe,” I say, and she releases me. I hear a car and turn around to see Delilah’s
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