Read Online Jacob Two-Two-'s First Spy Case by Mordecai Richler - Free Book Online

Two-Two’s father, “if you are intent on a round-the-worldcruise, you had better start saving your pennies, because I wouldn’t even consider paying your taxi fare to the ship. As for you, Greedyguts, let me tell you Jacob may be many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. Has it ever occurred to you that if he were to make such a phone call he is far too bright to have given the police his name?”
    â€œAll the evidence points to your son as the guilty party.”
    â€œOkay,” said Jacob Two-Two’s father, “let’s say, for the sake of argument, that Jacob did make that phone call, not that I’m admitting it for a minute … but weren’t you ever a mischievous little boy?”
    â€œWhy, when I was a shining morning face, I never played with anything but educational toys. I didn’t read comic books, or even waste time watching hockey games on television.”
    â€œWhich have become increasingly violent,” said Miss Sour Pickle in a disapproving voice, “setting a bad example.”
    â€œThe report I brought home from school every month had a gold star pasted to it. I was a Queen’s Scout. I won the Junior Red Cross Hygiene Badge. I never ate with my elbows on the table, or peed on thetoilet seat,
or stuck out my tongue at the school headmaster behind his back
.”
    â€œI caught your son at it,” said Miss Sour Pickle to Jacob Two-Two’s father.
    â€œAnd, as an adult, I’m proud to say, I have never indulged in bad language, tobacco, or hard liquor. I don’t even jaywalk. I floss my teeth every morning without fail. And now, if you don’t mind, I am a very busy headmaster. Case dismissed.”
    â€œBefore I’m through with you, Greedyguts, you’re the one who may be dismissed.”
    â€œOh, yeah. What for?”
    â€œFor not being qualified to have children entrusted to your care.”
    â€œHa ha ha. Ho ho ho. You just happen to be looking at a man who will shortly be featured on the cover of
Ginsburg’s
, Canada’s National Magazine, named Outstanding School Headmaster of the Year. And now, will you please leave my office at once?”
    â€œI will,” said Jacob Two-Two’s father. “But you’ll be hearing from me.”

CHAPTER 19
    hat afternoon, Jacob was picked up from school by a neighbor, as previously arranged by his parents, who were watching Noah in a basketball game at his school. There, waiting in front of Jacob Two-Two’s house, reading comic books, were three policemen.
    â€œI’m Law,” said one.
    â€œI’m Order,” said another.
    â€œAnd I,” said the third, his chest thrust forward, “am the Officer-in-Charge.”
    â€œPleased to meet you,” said Jacob Two-Two. “Pleased to meet you.”
    â€œAnd you, you little squirt,” said Law.
    â€œâ€“ must be the notorious Jacob Two-Two,” said Order.
    â€œConfess.”
    â€œAdmit it.”
    â€œDon’t you dare deny it,” said the Officer-in-Charge.
    â€œBut I didn’t. I didn’t,” said Jacob Two-Two.
    â€œYou are charged,” said Law.
    â€œâ€“ with interrupting our beauty rest last night,” said Order.
    â€œAnd making a phone call,” said the Officer-in-Charge, “that required us to go out on a wild-goose chase, breaking into Miss Sour Pickle’s apartment. That is a criminal offense.”
    â€œI didn’t make that phone call!” said Jacob Two-Two twice.
    â€œA likely,” said Law.
    â€œâ€“ story,” said Order.
    â€œAnd in due course,” said the Officer-in-Charge, “you may be obliged …”
    â€œâ€“ to appear in juvenile court,” said Law.
    â€œâ€“ before Mr. Justice Rough,” said Order.
    â€œâ€“ who believes that all children,” said the Officer-in-Charge.
    â€œâ€“ are guilty,” said Law.
    â€œâ€“ unless proven,” said