Read Online Imani All Mine by Connie Rose Porter - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Connie Rose Porter
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open on the counter. Then I looked up at Miss Lovey and stopped eating. She had that I-know-you-got-a-secret look on her face. Right then I knew Eboni must have told.
You know, Miss Lovey say, I been meaning to talk to you.
I cut her right off. Not in a mean way. But I say, I know what you fenna say, Miss Lovey.
Miss Lovey say, Is that so? If you know what Iâm going to say, you need to be on one of those psychic telephones making some money for yourself, child.
I bust out laughing, even though I ainât want to.
Miss Lovey put one of her hands on top of one of mines. It was warm and soft.
She say, Child, you have to go back to school. Shooting the hook wonât solve your problems.
I say, I know that, Miss Lovey.
She say, You donât act like it. I know youâre scared of that boy who raped you.
I looked down at the table. That was the first time that word been said.
Then Miss Lovey said it again. She say, I believe he did rape you.
I ainât say nothing. Miss Lovey reached over with her other hand and started rubbing my back. Round and round in circles like you rub a baby back to get them to sleep. Like I rub Imani. She say, Itâs all right to talk to me about it.
I couldnât say nothing. I just found my hand that was on the table squeezing her hand tight tight. Miss Lovey ainât ask me to say nothing else. She moved up close to me and put my head down on her shoulder and kept rubbing my back with her hand all warm. Pulling me back from inside myself. She was pulling me back every time she made a circle. Made a circle. Made a circle. It was like she was looking for the place I was. Reaching down inside that cold dark with her warm hand. Picking me up from that ground. Pulling me out into the world where I opened my eyes into the soft light.
It was a while before I lifted up my face. When Imani saw it she started crying. Miss Lovey picked her up and put her on her lap to rock her. She fed some grits to Imani right off her plate. Miss Lovey say, Go back to Lincoln on Monday and see how you feel. If you want to get out, Iâll help you.
I say, Only my mama can do that.
Miss Lovey say, Iâll talk to your mother then.
I just shook my head.
Miss Lovey say, I wonât tell her nothing you havenât. Itâs up to you to tell her about the rape. She needs to hear that from your lips. But you need to be in school. What kind of future can you make for this child with no education? I looked at my little greedy baby and she put out her arms to come to me and I took her in my arms. I was holding her all close feeling her heart beating up next to mines. Miss Lovey say for me not be worrying about going to another school. She say I would only have to cross that bridge if I come to it.
I made myself go back to Lincoln the next Monday. I was real nervous. About running into him. But I had so much schoolwork to catch up on, I spent most of my time with my mind on that. In the cafeteria I was looking for him and not looking for him, thinking maybe I wouldnât have to come to that bridge at all. It was the middle of the week before I seen him. Me and Coco was sitting together at lunch. I wasnât hardly eating. I was studying for a Latin test. When the bell rung we was rushing to take our trays up. Thatâs when I seen him, just ahead of us at the dish room, putting his dirty tray on the belt. There I was at the bridge. I wasnât even thinking about crossing it. I wanted to jump off. Kids was pushing up behind me to take they trays back. My feet took on a mind of they own and ainât even move when he turned around to leave.
Coco stepped up right next to me and took my tray. Whatâs wrong with you, Tasha? she asked. Making us late?
That boy looked up then. I got a pain in my stomach, thinking he heard my name. But he ainât even look at me. He was looking at Coco. Smiling at her. She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at him, and the smile he had on his
You know, Miss Lovey say, I been meaning to talk to you.
I cut her right off. Not in a mean way. But I say, I know what you fenna say, Miss Lovey.
Miss Lovey say, Is that so? If you know what Iâm going to say, you need to be on one of those psychic telephones making some money for yourself, child.
I bust out laughing, even though I ainât want to.
Miss Lovey put one of her hands on top of one of mines. It was warm and soft.
She say, Child, you have to go back to school. Shooting the hook wonât solve your problems.
I say, I know that, Miss Lovey.
She say, You donât act like it. I know youâre scared of that boy who raped you.
I looked down at the table. That was the first time that word been said.
Then Miss Lovey said it again. She say, I believe he did rape you.
I ainât say nothing. Miss Lovey reached over with her other hand and started rubbing my back. Round and round in circles like you rub a baby back to get them to sleep. Like I rub Imani. She say, Itâs all right to talk to me about it.
I couldnât say nothing. I just found my hand that was on the table squeezing her hand tight tight. Miss Lovey ainât ask me to say nothing else. She moved up close to me and put my head down on her shoulder and kept rubbing my back with her hand all warm. Pulling me back from inside myself. She was pulling me back every time she made a circle. Made a circle. Made a circle. It was like she was looking for the place I was. Reaching down inside that cold dark with her warm hand. Picking me up from that ground. Pulling me out into the world where I opened my eyes into the soft light.
It was a while before I lifted up my face. When Imani saw it she started crying. Miss Lovey picked her up and put her on her lap to rock her. She fed some grits to Imani right off her plate. Miss Lovey say, Go back to Lincoln on Monday and see how you feel. If you want to get out, Iâll help you.
I say, Only my mama can do that.
Miss Lovey say, Iâll talk to your mother then.
I just shook my head.
Miss Lovey say, I wonât tell her nothing you havenât. Itâs up to you to tell her about the rape. She needs to hear that from your lips. But you need to be in school. What kind of future can you make for this child with no education? I looked at my little greedy baby and she put out her arms to come to me and I took her in my arms. I was holding her all close feeling her heart beating up next to mines. Miss Lovey say for me not be worrying about going to another school. She say I would only have to cross that bridge if I come to it.
I made myself go back to Lincoln the next Monday. I was real nervous. About running into him. But I had so much schoolwork to catch up on, I spent most of my time with my mind on that. In the cafeteria I was looking for him and not looking for him, thinking maybe I wouldnât have to come to that bridge at all. It was the middle of the week before I seen him. Me and Coco was sitting together at lunch. I wasnât hardly eating. I was studying for a Latin test. When the bell rung we was rushing to take our trays up. Thatâs when I seen him, just ahead of us at the dish room, putting his dirty tray on the belt. There I was at the bridge. I wasnât even thinking about crossing it. I wanted to jump off. Kids was pushing up behind me to take they trays back. My feet took on a mind of they own and ainât even move when he turned around to leave.
Coco stepped up right next to me and took my tray. Whatâs wrong with you, Tasha? she asked. Making us late?
That boy looked up then. I got a pain in my stomach, thinking he heard my name. But he ainât even look at me. He was looking at Coco. Smiling at her. She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at him, and the smile he had on his
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