Read Online Imani All Mine by Connie Rose Porter - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Connie Rose Porter
Ads: Link
think I got a brain that will take her somewhere too one day. Put her in a fine house. But that night I wasnât none of the things Mama say about me. I was what
he
say I was. All them nasty words he called me. Words Mama never would let me put in my mouth to say.
Fat bitch. Stupid cunt
. How I was going to open my mouth and say them words? Just thinking about them set me off crying. Not like I was crazy. I ainât make nam sound. And why ainât Mama come? She couldâve pushed the door to my room open and when the light of the hall fell on me she wouldâve seen my face. Telling her what my two lips couldnât.
But Mama ainât come to me that night, and after then it was just easier to keep my mouth shut and let Mama think I was good and not nasty. So I opened up this place inside to leave everything he done and said to me. Not like it never happened. Because it did happen. But I found a place where I could close it off, and I really did think like some child, like some girl, like some fool, I wasnât never going to have to go inside it again.
Â
After seeing
him
in the cafeteria, I knew that wasnât true. No matter how it looked to anybody, for the next two days after I seen him, I went back to that place. I was in it each night, curled up inside like some big old baby waiting to be born.
Instead of going to school, J went to Eboniâs. Miss Lovey was home, looking after her state kids. She ainât say nothing to me about nothing when me and Imani went back in Eboni room and stayed until the tutor left. She ainât ask why I was there. I knew Eboni had told her. But I knew she wouldnât say nothing to my mama. Out in the kitchen, she made me one of her big meals. I could smell a chicken baking, greens boiling away with vinegar and hot pepper. Yams roasting with they sweet juice dripping in the stove. My stomach was making all kinds of noise just smelling how good that food was going to taste. But when it came time to eat it, I really ainât had no appetite.
I sat down with Eboni and Miss Lovey and them state kids in the kitchen. Miss Lovey made her and the oldest state kid a plate. He about three and he donât eat so much. His mama was on crack when she had him. Miss Lovey get WIC and food stamps. She be getting government cheese and butter, and he still so skinny he look like he could fall over if you blow on him. All he was eating was a teaspoon of food. Eboni, shoot, she was eating like food was going out of style at the end of the day. I ate me a plate just to be polite to Miss Lovey.
I went around Eboni house the next day, too, but on the third day Eboni wasnât there. Miss Lovey was all out of breath and sweating when she come to the door. She say, Come on in the kitchen. And I went. Miss Lovey was making grits and frying up some fish. She say, Eboni had her girls early this morning. Iâm telling you, it was a easy labor. They were a minute apart. It seems like they were racing to get in the world. Theyâre both healthy thank God and so pretty with good hair swirled around their heads. I say, Oooh, I want to go see her and the babies. Miss Lovey say, Iâm sure Eboni wants to see you, too. You can leave Imani next door where I left the kids and we can go up to the hospital later. She made herself a plate and one for me.
I say, I ainât really hungry. I already ate.
Miss Lovey wasnât even stutting me. She opened up the stove and took out a pan of biscuits and put two on my plate. For a while she ainât say nothing. She ate. Sprinkling hot sauce on her fish. Slurping from a big cup of juice. Putting jelly and butter on her biscuits. I cracked open one of them hot biscuits and buttered and jellied it for Imani, who was sitting in her stroller whining because she knew there was food but wasnât none of it coming to her mouth. I fed some to her and tasted it for myself. It was good. I could tell it wasnât from no can popped
he
say I was. All them nasty words he called me. Words Mama never would let me put in my mouth to say.
Fat bitch. Stupid cunt
. How I was going to open my mouth and say them words? Just thinking about them set me off crying. Not like I was crazy. I ainât make nam sound. And why ainât Mama come? She couldâve pushed the door to my room open and when the light of the hall fell on me she wouldâve seen my face. Telling her what my two lips couldnât.
But Mama ainât come to me that night, and after then it was just easier to keep my mouth shut and let Mama think I was good and not nasty. So I opened up this place inside to leave everything he done and said to me. Not like it never happened. Because it did happen. But I found a place where I could close it off, and I really did think like some child, like some girl, like some fool, I wasnât never going to have to go inside it again.
Â
After seeing
him
in the cafeteria, I knew that wasnât true. No matter how it looked to anybody, for the next two days after I seen him, I went back to that place. I was in it each night, curled up inside like some big old baby waiting to be born.
Instead of going to school, J went to Eboniâs. Miss Lovey was home, looking after her state kids. She ainât say nothing to me about nothing when me and Imani went back in Eboni room and stayed until the tutor left. She ainât ask why I was there. I knew Eboni had told her. But I knew she wouldnât say nothing to my mama. Out in the kitchen, she made me one of her big meals. I could smell a chicken baking, greens boiling away with vinegar and hot pepper. Yams roasting with they sweet juice dripping in the stove. My stomach was making all kinds of noise just smelling how good that food was going to taste. But when it came time to eat it, I really ainât had no appetite.
I sat down with Eboni and Miss Lovey and them state kids in the kitchen. Miss Lovey made her and the oldest state kid a plate. He about three and he donât eat so much. His mama was on crack when she had him. Miss Lovey get WIC and food stamps. She be getting government cheese and butter, and he still so skinny he look like he could fall over if you blow on him. All he was eating was a teaspoon of food. Eboni, shoot, she was eating like food was going out of style at the end of the day. I ate me a plate just to be polite to Miss Lovey.
I went around Eboni house the next day, too, but on the third day Eboni wasnât there. Miss Lovey was all out of breath and sweating when she come to the door. She say, Come on in the kitchen. And I went. Miss Lovey was making grits and frying up some fish. She say, Eboni had her girls early this morning. Iâm telling you, it was a easy labor. They were a minute apart. It seems like they were racing to get in the world. Theyâre both healthy thank God and so pretty with good hair swirled around their heads. I say, Oooh, I want to go see her and the babies. Miss Lovey say, Iâm sure Eboni wants to see you, too. You can leave Imani next door where I left the kids and we can go up to the hospital later. She made herself a plate and one for me.
I say, I ainât really hungry. I already ate.
Miss Lovey wasnât even stutting me. She opened up the stove and took out a pan of biscuits and put two on my plate. For a while she ainât say nothing. She ate. Sprinkling hot sauce on her fish. Slurping from a big cup of juice. Putting jelly and butter on her biscuits. I cracked open one of them hot biscuits and buttered and jellied it for Imani, who was sitting in her stroller whining because she knew there was food but wasnât none of it coming to her mouth. I fed some to her and tasted it for myself. It was good. I could tell it wasnât from no can popped
Similar Books
