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I had been going far too easy on him in the past and I gave him the twenty-five he had suggested. He has never failed to wash the dishes since. Now, I rely on my own intuition as to how severe a punishment should be. I just needed a little confidence to get me started, and that was it.
    Don't be afraid to show your anger. I do not recommend taking your anger out on him, only that you let him know how angry you are. You delay his actual punishment until such time that you will be able to control your anger. Just remember to remind him how angry you were at the time and make the punishment severe enough that he won't soon forget it. If you take it too lightly, he will push your limits again.
    Now, about those guilt feelings you may have. I can talk until I am blue in the face about how you have no reason to feel guilty about anything you do, so long as you are keeping to the rules of your agreement, but we both know it will do you no good. So, here is a little exercise you can use to help you overcome them. Remember that list of punishments and disciplines you and your partner came up with? If he wanted anything more severe than you finally agreed to, then you have something to lean on. Ask him for a copy of the list he made. Look at it every day until you realize that he wants more than you agreed to give. Feeling guilty about it will get you nowhere fast.
    If your guilt feelings stem from your upbringing, such that you are uncomfortable being in control, that is normal. After all, your whole life people have told you that the man should be in charge. Well, I am here to tell you differently. Look at this way, if you do the simple things you will learn in this book, then you will be giving him more sex than he ever expected to get from you. That's right. He will get more than he ever has before. It is just not exactly the same as he might have expected before you made your new agreement.
    If you give him daily teasing, or at least allow him to please you sexually on a daily basis, he will not only be happier than he ever would have been in your old relationship, but you are actually giving him more than you ever thought you would. Believe me, he will be happier when you keep him aroused and when you punish him properly. He may not have agreed to spanking in your first agreement, but I am sure he eventually will. Even if you did not put spanking in your agreement, try giving him a few playful swats on his bottom once in awhile just to see his reaction. Chances are, he will enjoy it. He will probably find them to be erotic. If he does, then you have opened the door for spanking in your next negotiation.
    Your fear and guilt feelings may be deeply rooted in your upbringing. It is imperative that you work on it. The best resource you have is your partner. Do not be afraid to talk with him about it. He is the best support you will ever have. Even if it takes you years to overcome all your feelings of guilt, especially when it comes to discipline and punishment, talk with your partner and he will help you to overcome them, especially if your new relationship was his idea.
    Another good resource is your friends. You don't have to tell them all about your relationship if you don't want to, just tell them that he has asked you to take charge of some parts of your relationship and that you are having guilt feelings about doing it. Friends can be very supportive. If there is one in whom you feel that you can confide, use her (or him) to help you to be the woman you both want. He will respect you for it.
    There is something else you should be working on in this new relationship, respect and self confidence. If you want respect, you can not order him to give it to you. You have to “command” respect. That is, by holding to your agreement and doing what is needed when it comes to discipline and punishment, you will command his respect. You should also respect him for upholding his end of your agreement as well. After all, if it were not