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Authors: Carmen Jenner
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on the back of my neck sends a current of electricity down my spine. “It was a lot to wrap my head around, but it wasn’t disgusting.”
“And kissing me?”
“It was fine. It was just a mouth, Will.”
My heart sinks. Because it wasn’t just anything for me. It was everything. And I suppose there’s my answer. “Right.”
“Now shut up; I’m tired,” he says. I tuck my hands under the pillow we share. There’s no way I’ll get to sleep tonight, not after all the shit we did and the things he just said. North shifts closer to me on the bed, and his arm wraps around my side and under my own, resting on my bare chest.
“When did you get your nipples pierced?” he asks.
“The day after I turned eighteen—same day as my septum.”
“Well I knew about the nose ring, but you never told me about these,” he says, flicking the silver barbell beneath his hand. My cock twitches, and I grab the base and squeeze, willing it to go down already.
“I don’t tell you a lot of things.”
“I’m hurt, Will,” he says. Always the sarcastic douche . “I tell you everything.”
I scoff. “I know. Every goddamn detail about you fucking other women. You won’t shut up.”
He’s quiet for a moment, but his sharp inhalations tell me there’s something on the tip of his tongue. I can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. “When I tell you those stories,” he says finally, “do you imagine it’s you I’m fucking?”
I shake my head, though I know he can’t see it in the dark. “What kind of question is that?”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” I admit. No point denying it any longer, I suppose, since he already knows how I feel about him.
“How long have you known?”
“That I was gay? I don’t know, maybe since the sixth grade. Though my dad swears he knew earlier.”
North stiffens behind me, but not in any way that counts. “Wait, your dad knows? And he didn’t kill you?”
“At about sixteen he came to give me the talk, only instead of giving me Playboy , he hands me this mag with some fucking twink on it. Sal had bought it for him, thought I’d appreciate looking at guys closer to my own age.”
North laughs. “So let me get this straight—Sal the bogan waitress bought you twink porn, and your dad had the talk with you about fucking men?” He hoots, and I pull the pillow out from underneath us and attempt to suffocate him with it.
“Shut up, or your dad’s gonna come in here and beat the shit outta the both of us.”
That sobers him, and North removes the pillow and tucks it beneath his head. “He wouldn’t just beat me—he’d kill me. He’d kill us both.”
“He wouldn’t kill you—you’re his kid.” I lay back and stare up at the ceiling, from shoulder to ankle my body is flush with his. “He wouldn’t—”
“Yes, he would. I know he would. There’s a lot of shit my dad lets me get away with, but being a homo isn’t one of them.”
I flinch.
“Sorry. That’s not what I meant.” He pushes me on my side and wraps his arm around me again, though this time he draws me in closer. I lay my hand over his, my heart thuds against our joined fingers.
“North?”
“What?” he groans.
“Would you ever, you know … let me do that to you?”
There’s another long pause, and I really wish I hadn’t said that because what other option have I given him than to feel awkward for telling me no? “I don’t know. Go to sleep, Will.”
Well, at least it wasn’t an outright no. He didn’t say never, or keep dreaming.
I close my eyes and let sleep wash over me, but just before I drift off North whispers, “You need to get out of this town, Will, before it breaks you. Before everyone finds out.”
And then I’m wide awake, because the thought of having to leave my home because I’m gay has never occurred to me. Maybe people suspect about me, maybe they don’t, but since my dad found out I haven’t given much thought to the fact that it might be a problem
“And kissing me?”
“It was fine. It was just a mouth, Will.”
My heart sinks. Because it wasn’t just anything for me. It was everything. And I suppose there’s my answer. “Right.”
“Now shut up; I’m tired,” he says. I tuck my hands under the pillow we share. There’s no way I’ll get to sleep tonight, not after all the shit we did and the things he just said. North shifts closer to me on the bed, and his arm wraps around my side and under my own, resting on my bare chest.
“When did you get your nipples pierced?” he asks.
“The day after I turned eighteen—same day as my septum.”
“Well I knew about the nose ring, but you never told me about these,” he says, flicking the silver barbell beneath his hand. My cock twitches, and I grab the base and squeeze, willing it to go down already.
“I don’t tell you a lot of things.”
“I’m hurt, Will,” he says. Always the sarcastic douche . “I tell you everything.”
I scoff. “I know. Every goddamn detail about you fucking other women. You won’t shut up.”
He’s quiet for a moment, but his sharp inhalations tell me there’s something on the tip of his tongue. I can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. “When I tell you those stories,” he says finally, “do you imagine it’s you I’m fucking?”
I shake my head, though I know he can’t see it in the dark. “What kind of question is that?”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” I admit. No point denying it any longer, I suppose, since he already knows how I feel about him.
“How long have you known?”
“That I was gay? I don’t know, maybe since the sixth grade. Though my dad swears he knew earlier.”
North stiffens behind me, but not in any way that counts. “Wait, your dad knows? And he didn’t kill you?”
“At about sixteen he came to give me the talk, only instead of giving me Playboy , he hands me this mag with some fucking twink on it. Sal had bought it for him, thought I’d appreciate looking at guys closer to my own age.”
North laughs. “So let me get this straight—Sal the bogan waitress bought you twink porn, and your dad had the talk with you about fucking men?” He hoots, and I pull the pillow out from underneath us and attempt to suffocate him with it.
“Shut up, or your dad’s gonna come in here and beat the shit outta the both of us.”
That sobers him, and North removes the pillow and tucks it beneath his head. “He wouldn’t just beat me—he’d kill me. He’d kill us both.”
“He wouldn’t kill you—you’re his kid.” I lay back and stare up at the ceiling, from shoulder to ankle my body is flush with his. “He wouldn’t—”
“Yes, he would. I know he would. There’s a lot of shit my dad lets me get away with, but being a homo isn’t one of them.”
I flinch.
“Sorry. That’s not what I meant.” He pushes me on my side and wraps his arm around me again, though this time he draws me in closer. I lay my hand over his, my heart thuds against our joined fingers.
“North?”
“What?” he groans.
“Would you ever, you know … let me do that to you?”
There’s another long pause, and I really wish I hadn’t said that because what other option have I given him than to feel awkward for telling me no? “I don’t know. Go to sleep, Will.”
Well, at least it wasn’t an outright no. He didn’t say never, or keep dreaming.
I close my eyes and let sleep wash over me, but just before I drift off North whispers, “You need to get out of this town, Will, before it breaks you. Before everyone finds out.”
And then I’m wide awake, because the thought of having to leave my home because I’m gay has never occurred to me. Maybe people suspect about me, maybe they don’t, but since my dad found out I haven’t given much thought to the fact that it might be a problem
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