but professional concern.
I chuckled and shook my head—laughing more at myself than her adorable cat impersonation. I walked down the hallway, and she fell into step beside me.
Charlie had shown up at random times, every day since I found out she was my sponsor. She’d tried several times, unsuccessfully, to get me to open up about the past that led me here, but she was much more laid back than I’d ever expected. Especially after the knowledge of my drug sales. She never asked about it again, so I assumed we were operating under a need-to-know relationship.
“I have plans for today,” she said, the long black shirt she wore fanning behind her as we moved down the hallway.
“Of course, you do.” She always did.
She could never sit still. I’d learned that—among other dark pieces of her past that made mine look like a fluffy PG-13 film—in the past couple weeks. Not only had she overcome some serious fucked up shit—like being abused by a family member she chose not to identify—she was using her sobriety to help others in positions similar to her past.
Everything I hid from her, kept from her intentionally, was only prolonging her time with me, and I knew it was selfish, but I liked her attention. I honestly didn’t want her helping anyone else at the moment, and I analyzed every single emotion I had around her until I was exhausted. I couldn’t tell if my want of her time to myself meant I hadn’t changed—like I desperately hoped I was working toward—or if it meant I was still the same monster I’d been when I’d tied Blake to me without giving a second thought about her choices.
“Justin,” she said, stopping me by putting her hands on my coiled forearms. She slowly unclenched my fingers from the fists they were in and I breathed out slowly, her touch cooling the racing thoughts in my mind. “You’re doing that thing where you grind your teeth and get all contemplative.”
“Well, I’m a thoughtful man.” I tried to joke, but it didn’t hit the beat I wanted. She didn’t crack the grin I’d come to hope for every time she came into the room.
“Sharing is caring,” she said, still holding my hands.
I tugged out of her grasp, shaking my fingers out like she’d burned me. “What’s on the checklist today, Charlie?”
She glared at me, but one swipe of that pretty pink tongue over her even pinker bottom lip and the frustration was gone. For her, anyway. I was still being the over-analytical guy, wondering if I was a demon for wanting something for myself after years of not knowing who or what I was. I still didn’t have a clear image of the man I’d become since entering the clinic but after daily sessions in the ring with Thomas, I knew I was closer to figuring it out than I ever had been before. Not that I’d ever tell him that. Wouldn’t want to give the neighborly doctor a big head.
“You’ll see,” she said, turning on her heels and swishing those perfect hips down the hallway. I followed, reminding myself not to drool but my mouth watered regardless.
Since Blake, there had been Lindsay—the tool’s crazy ex-girlfriend and the closest, easiest piece of ass around at the moment I needed it—and then there had been no one. I hadn’t even looked at a girl in that air after what had happened that night at Blake’s house…I couldn’t and I never thought there would be another instance where I’d ever want someone as badly as I did now…but I couldn’t stop it. No matter how much I tried to cut Charlie out of my chest, she kept cropping up there and making my heart beat in new ways. Each thump was soothing, not rage induced, pleasant, not painful, and the hope that grew there only magnified with each day we spent together.
She had this uncanny ability to make me feel… normal . To her, I wasn’t a guy who’d spent years hating himself and taking it out on the only person who every had really loved him. I was merely a man trying to overcome an addiction. I
I chuckled and shook my head—laughing more at myself than her adorable cat impersonation. I walked down the hallway, and she fell into step beside me.
Charlie had shown up at random times, every day since I found out she was my sponsor. She’d tried several times, unsuccessfully, to get me to open up about the past that led me here, but she was much more laid back than I’d ever expected. Especially after the knowledge of my drug sales. She never asked about it again, so I assumed we were operating under a need-to-know relationship.
“I have plans for today,” she said, the long black shirt she wore fanning behind her as we moved down the hallway.
“Of course, you do.” She always did.
She could never sit still. I’d learned that—among other dark pieces of her past that made mine look like a fluffy PG-13 film—in the past couple weeks. Not only had she overcome some serious fucked up shit—like being abused by a family member she chose not to identify—she was using her sobriety to help others in positions similar to her past.
Everything I hid from her, kept from her intentionally, was only prolonging her time with me, and I knew it was selfish, but I liked her attention. I honestly didn’t want her helping anyone else at the moment, and I analyzed every single emotion I had around her until I was exhausted. I couldn’t tell if my want of her time to myself meant I hadn’t changed—like I desperately hoped I was working toward—or if it meant I was still the same monster I’d been when I’d tied Blake to me without giving a second thought about her choices.
“Justin,” she said, stopping me by putting her hands on my coiled forearms. She slowly unclenched my fingers from the fists they were in and I breathed out slowly, her touch cooling the racing thoughts in my mind. “You’re doing that thing where you grind your teeth and get all contemplative.”
“Well, I’m a thoughtful man.” I tried to joke, but it didn’t hit the beat I wanted. She didn’t crack the grin I’d come to hope for every time she came into the room.
“Sharing is caring,” she said, still holding my hands.
I tugged out of her grasp, shaking my fingers out like she’d burned me. “What’s on the checklist today, Charlie?”
She glared at me, but one swipe of that pretty pink tongue over her even pinker bottom lip and the frustration was gone. For her, anyway. I was still being the over-analytical guy, wondering if I was a demon for wanting something for myself after years of not knowing who or what I was. I still didn’t have a clear image of the man I’d become since entering the clinic but after daily sessions in the ring with Thomas, I knew I was closer to figuring it out than I ever had been before. Not that I’d ever tell him that. Wouldn’t want to give the neighborly doctor a big head.
“You’ll see,” she said, turning on her heels and swishing those perfect hips down the hallway. I followed, reminding myself not to drool but my mouth watered regardless.
Since Blake, there had been Lindsay—the tool’s crazy ex-girlfriend and the closest, easiest piece of ass around at the moment I needed it—and then there had been no one. I hadn’t even looked at a girl in that air after what had happened that night at Blake’s house…I couldn’t and I never thought there would be another instance where I’d ever want someone as badly as I did now…but I couldn’t stop it. No matter how much I tried to cut Charlie out of my chest, she kept cropping up there and making my heart beat in new ways. Each thump was soothing, not rage induced, pleasant, not painful, and the hope that grew there only magnified with each day we spent together.
She had this uncanny ability to make me feel… normal . To her, I wasn’t a guy who’d spent years hating himself and taking it out on the only person who every had really loved him. I was merely a man trying to overcome an addiction. I
Similar Books
