Read Online Closely Guarded Secret by Natalie Money - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Natalie Money
Tags: Romance
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you, but you own all of the tools and techniques to dispel these demons from your life. Is there some reason you’re not using these tools and techniques? Is there a reason you aren’t admitting to yourself, or to me, why you want to hang on to these emotions? How long has it been?”
“Ten years.”
“Ali, do you know the strongest human emotion is love - to love and be loved? Are you using these negative emotions to shield yourself from loving or being loved?”
I gulp and I choke as I think about that. I decide to tell him about my encounter with Bryce. When I finally regain my voice, I say, “There’s something else I want to talk to you about. Something else happened and I am confused about how I feel about it.”
“Oh?”
“I met someone while I was in New York. Actually, he happens to live in San Francisco and was one of the subjects I was photographing.” I go over what happened before the photo shoot.
“Talk about why this confuses you.”
“I’m confused about how I feel when I’m around him. He’s a frustrating, arrogant, self-centered, egotistical man. He can also be a kind, caring, comforting, gentleman.”
“Okay, but I’m still not hearing why this confuses you.”
“When I’m around him, I get flustered. I can’t talk. My brain stops working. I haven’t had these emotions since . . . actually, I’ve never had these emotions.”
“I see. It seems to me what you described is a completely normal reaction of a person who is attracted to another.”
“It is?”
“Do you feel it’s wrong to be attracted to him?”
“Yes. No . . . oh, I don’t know. I get so discombobulated around him. It drives me crazy.”
He lets out a little laugh. “It sounds as if you’ve taken your first step toward discarding the shield we were talking about. This is a big step toward your well being.”
“In New York, he was so . . . ” I tell him what transpired after the photo shoot.
“What I’m hearing you say is he’s obviously attracted to you and you seem to be attracted to him. He sounds like a man who knows what he wants. Now you have to ask yourself what you want.”
“What does that mean? How could he know what he wants after only one meeting?”
“Some men play the field and others go for what they want. He’s intrigued by you, by the sounds of it.”
I tell him how Bryce acted on the flight in contrast to how he acted at the airport, hoping that he’ll see how “Jekyll/Hyde” Bryce is and warn me to stay away.
“He sounds like someone who saw another person in distress and knew she needed help. Can you accept that for what it is?”
“Yes, I can, but it’s like everywhere I turn since I’ve been back, there he is. I don’t want to have anything to do with him,” I say in my most matter-of-fact tone.
“I hear you say the words, but I don’t hear the conviction in your voice. Do you think you’ll see him again?”
At that moment, I remember I’ll see him again at the photo shoot for The Bridge, which reminds me I need to let Jodi know I’ll help with it. “Yes, I’ll see him at a photo shoot for a featured story in our magazine.”
“I would say this is a good thing. It sounds like he challenges you and I think that’s exactly what you need. You’re the only one who can change your outlook and decide to take that first step and open yourself up to the possibility of having an emotional relationship with someone.”
My head is spinning. “I don’t believe a relationship is something he would be interested in. I don’t know what to feel about all of this.”
“Since the strongest emotion is to love and be loved, don’t you think he would have that emotion too?”
I pause and think about this. “I don’t know.” I answer truthfully.
“Why don’t you try believing him? I know trust is a huge issue for you, but you must make it over
“Ten years.”
“Ali, do you know the strongest human emotion is love - to love and be loved? Are you using these negative emotions to shield yourself from loving or being loved?”
I gulp and I choke as I think about that. I decide to tell him about my encounter with Bryce. When I finally regain my voice, I say, “There’s something else I want to talk to you about. Something else happened and I am confused about how I feel about it.”
“Oh?”
“I met someone while I was in New York. Actually, he happens to live in San Francisco and was one of the subjects I was photographing.” I go over what happened before the photo shoot.
“Talk about why this confuses you.”
“I’m confused about how I feel when I’m around him. He’s a frustrating, arrogant, self-centered, egotistical man. He can also be a kind, caring, comforting, gentleman.”
“Okay, but I’m still not hearing why this confuses you.”
“When I’m around him, I get flustered. I can’t talk. My brain stops working. I haven’t had these emotions since . . . actually, I’ve never had these emotions.”
“I see. It seems to me what you described is a completely normal reaction of a person who is attracted to another.”
“It is?”
“Do you feel it’s wrong to be attracted to him?”
“Yes. No . . . oh, I don’t know. I get so discombobulated around him. It drives me crazy.”
He lets out a little laugh. “It sounds as if you’ve taken your first step toward discarding the shield we were talking about. This is a big step toward your well being.”
“In New York, he was so . . . ” I tell him what transpired after the photo shoot.
“What I’m hearing you say is he’s obviously attracted to you and you seem to be attracted to him. He sounds like a man who knows what he wants. Now you have to ask yourself what you want.”
“What does that mean? How could he know what he wants after only one meeting?”
“Some men play the field and others go for what they want. He’s intrigued by you, by the sounds of it.”
I tell him how Bryce acted on the flight in contrast to how he acted at the airport, hoping that he’ll see how “Jekyll/Hyde” Bryce is and warn me to stay away.
“He sounds like someone who saw another person in distress and knew she needed help. Can you accept that for what it is?”
“Yes, I can, but it’s like everywhere I turn since I’ve been back, there he is. I don’t want to have anything to do with him,” I say in my most matter-of-fact tone.
“I hear you say the words, but I don’t hear the conviction in your voice. Do you think you’ll see him again?”
At that moment, I remember I’ll see him again at the photo shoot for The Bridge, which reminds me I need to let Jodi know I’ll help with it. “Yes, I’ll see him at a photo shoot for a featured story in our magazine.”
“I would say this is a good thing. It sounds like he challenges you and I think that’s exactly what you need. You’re the only one who can change your outlook and decide to take that first step and open yourself up to the possibility of having an emotional relationship with someone.”
My head is spinning. “I don’t believe a relationship is something he would be interested in. I don’t know what to feel about all of this.”
“Since the strongest emotion is to love and be loved, don’t you think he would have that emotion too?”
I pause and think about this. “I don’t know.” I answer truthfully.
“Why don’t you try believing him? I know trust is a huge issue for you, but you must make it over
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