mid-thirties, who am I going love again that it will totally consume me? That’s a one-time thing. That is a young love thing.”
“So you think that you can love no one like that or that no one can love you?”
Paxton stared at her. She wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I don’t know. I just know that I miss him so much right now. Maybe it’s the holidays. It’s just like I am missing something in my life. I noticed after Jack left and nothing has filled this void since. So I don’t know how I feel about him loving someone else right now. I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to make myself happy right now. I don’t know!” Paxton rocked herself. She didn’t know where her little rant came from. She wasn’t this worked up before she left the house.
“Okay. So let’s talk about that,” Dr. Keeler paused, taking a sip of her coffee. “What do you miss about him?”
Paxton couldn’t believe she would even pose such a question. Her mouth gaped open as she stared at Dr. Keeler. Apparently Dr. Keeler didn’t think it was a ridiculous question. She still sat there waiting for an answer.
“I miss him. I miss the way he made me smile, took care of me. I miss his smell when I lay in our…my bed. I miss waking up in the morning with him right there beside me. I miss just everything about him. All I want is him, is that selfish? Maybe, but I don’t know what to do now that it’s not a possibility to be with him.”
“So you miss the comfort of having someone around the house or warming your bed?”
“I miss Jack, just Jack. The little things he did. He used to just stare at me, like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. His smile just made me melt. He always gave me his crooked little half-smirk.” Paxton paused remembering that smile. “He would wink then just continue staring. His eyes just consumed me. I would forget what I was doing whenever he looked at me. That effect never wore off.”
“You still love him deeply then.”
“Certain days I still love him so much it hurts. I can’t get out of bed, the memories haunt me.”
Paxton watched Dr. Keeler scribble something down. Memories of her and Jack waking up in the sunlight filled her mind. Jack would chuckle in her ear as he trailed kisses that started behind her ear down to her shoulder. They would lay there not saying a word to each other. His scent surrounded her as he pulled her closer to him. She rubbed the edge of the couch as she remembered Jack’s love for her.
“What about those other days?”
Paxton jumped at the sound of Dr. Keeler’s voice. Paxton didn’t know how long she was silent but it was long enough for a prompt from Dr. Keeler.
“Other days, I remember being alone. After Ella passed,” Paxton paused, “you know that I went to a dark place. Jack, he was there for me in the beginning. He was there whenever I needed him. I cried myself to sleep most nights and he would lay there next to me. He would run his hands through my hair because he knew that it comforted me. Then suddenly he was gone. He stayed at the school longer. He would shut himself in his office apparently working on new lesson plans. I was stuck in my grief. I couldn’t move beyond Ella’s death. We grew apart.” Paxton remembered those nights she was alone. She remembered the loneliness she felt. She silently wished that Jack would walk into the rooms those nights. The days when he was at work, she couldn’t even get out of bed. She stopped eating on her own.
“One day he came in and stared at me. It was about a month after Ella’s funeral. I could see in his eyes that he was annoyed with me. He didn’t approach me, he didn’t say a word. He walked to the closet when no words were spoken between us, changed out of his slacks and put on sweats. He opened the door and looked back at me. He said something under his breath. When I asked him about it, he said ‘nothing’,
“So you think that you can love no one like that or that no one can love you?”
Paxton stared at her. She wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I don’t know. I just know that I miss him so much right now. Maybe it’s the holidays. It’s just like I am missing something in my life. I noticed after Jack left and nothing has filled this void since. So I don’t know how I feel about him loving someone else right now. I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to make myself happy right now. I don’t know!” Paxton rocked herself. She didn’t know where her little rant came from. She wasn’t this worked up before she left the house.
“Okay. So let’s talk about that,” Dr. Keeler paused, taking a sip of her coffee. “What do you miss about him?”
Paxton couldn’t believe she would even pose such a question. Her mouth gaped open as she stared at Dr. Keeler. Apparently Dr. Keeler didn’t think it was a ridiculous question. She still sat there waiting for an answer.
“I miss him. I miss the way he made me smile, took care of me. I miss his smell when I lay in our…my bed. I miss waking up in the morning with him right there beside me. I miss just everything about him. All I want is him, is that selfish? Maybe, but I don’t know what to do now that it’s not a possibility to be with him.”
“So you miss the comfort of having someone around the house or warming your bed?”
“I miss Jack, just Jack. The little things he did. He used to just stare at me, like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. His smile just made me melt. He always gave me his crooked little half-smirk.” Paxton paused remembering that smile. “He would wink then just continue staring. His eyes just consumed me. I would forget what I was doing whenever he looked at me. That effect never wore off.”
“You still love him deeply then.”
“Certain days I still love him so much it hurts. I can’t get out of bed, the memories haunt me.”
Paxton watched Dr. Keeler scribble something down. Memories of her and Jack waking up in the sunlight filled her mind. Jack would chuckle in her ear as he trailed kisses that started behind her ear down to her shoulder. They would lay there not saying a word to each other. His scent surrounded her as he pulled her closer to him. She rubbed the edge of the couch as she remembered Jack’s love for her.
“What about those other days?”
Paxton jumped at the sound of Dr. Keeler’s voice. Paxton didn’t know how long she was silent but it was long enough for a prompt from Dr. Keeler.
“Other days, I remember being alone. After Ella passed,” Paxton paused, “you know that I went to a dark place. Jack, he was there for me in the beginning. He was there whenever I needed him. I cried myself to sleep most nights and he would lay there next to me. He would run his hands through my hair because he knew that it comforted me. Then suddenly he was gone. He stayed at the school longer. He would shut himself in his office apparently working on new lesson plans. I was stuck in my grief. I couldn’t move beyond Ella’s death. We grew apart.” Paxton remembered those nights she was alone. She remembered the loneliness she felt. She silently wished that Jack would walk into the rooms those nights. The days when he was at work, she couldn’t even get out of bed. She stopped eating on her own.
“One day he came in and stared at me. It was about a month after Ella’s funeral. I could see in his eyes that he was annoyed with me. He didn’t approach me, he didn’t say a word. He walked to the closet when no words were spoken between us, changed out of his slacks and put on sweats. He opened the door and looked back at me. He said something under his breath. When I asked him about it, he said ‘nothing’,
Similar Books
