Read Online Can You Forgive Her? by Anthony Trollope - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Anthony Trollope
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He should simply be an upper servant, with the privilege of sitting at the same table with his mistresses. I have my doubts as to whether your cousin is fit for the place; but, as to myself, it is just the thing that I was made for. Luckily, however, neither younor Kate are without wills of your own, and perhaps you may be able to reduce Mr Vavasor to obedience.
As to the home affairs I have very little to say here, – in this letter. I shall of course run up and see you before you start, and shall probably stay a week in town. I know I ought not to do so, as it will be a week of idleness, and yet not a week of happiness. I’d sooner have an hour withyou in the country than a whole day in London. And I always feel in town that I’ve too much to do to allow of my doing anything. If it were sheer idleness I could enjoy it, but it is a feverish idleness, in which one is driven here and there, expecting some gratification which not only never comes, but which never even begins to come. I will, however, undergo a week of it, – say the last seven daysof this month, and shall trust to you to recompense me by as much of. yourself as your town doings will permit
And now again as to those home affairs. If I say nothing now I believe you will understand why I refrain. You have cunningly just left me to imply, from what you say, that all my arguments have been of no avail; but you do not answer them, or even tell me that you have decided. I shalltherefore imply nothing, and still trust to my personal eloquence for success. Or rather not trust, – not trust, but hope.
The garden is going on very well. We are rather short of water, and therefore not quite as bright as I had hoped; but we are preparing with untiring industry for future brightness. Your commands have been obeyed in all things, and Morrison always says The mistress didn’tmean this,’ or The mistress did Intend that.’ God bless the mistress is what I now say, and send her home, to her own home, to her flowers, and her fruit, and her house, and her husband, as soon as may be, with no more of these delays which are to me so grievous, and which seem to me to be so unnecessary. That is my prayer.
Yours ever and always,
J.G.
‘I didn’t give commands, ’ Alice said toherself, as she sat with the letter at her solitary breakfast-table. ‘He asked me how I liked the things, and of course I was obliged to say. I was obliged to seem to care, even if I didn’t care.’ Such were her first thoughts as she put the letter back into its envelope, after reading it the second time. When she opened it, which she did quickly, not pausing a moment lest she should suspect herselfof fearing to see what might be its contents, her mind was full of that rebuke which her aunt had anticipated, and which she had almost taught herself to expect She had torn the letter open rapidly, and had dashed at its contents with quick eyes. In half a moment she had seen what was the nature of the reply respecting the proposed companion of her tour, and then she had completed her readingslowly enough. ‘No; I gave no commands,’ she repeated to herself, as though she might thereby absolve herself from blame in reference to some possible future accusations, which might perhaps be brought against her under certain circumstances which she was contemplating.
Then she considered the letter bit by bit, taking it backwards, and sipping her tea every now and then amidst her thoughts.No; she had no home, no house, there. She had no husband; – not as yet. He spoke of their engagement as though it were a betrothal, as betrothals used to be of yore; as though they were already in some sort married. Such betrothals were not made now-a-days. There still remained, both to him and to her, a certain liberty of extricating themselves from this engagement. Should he come to her and saythat he found that their contemplated marriage would not make him happy, would not she release him without a word of reproach?
As to the home affairs I have very little to say here, – in this letter. I shall of course run up and see you before you start, and shall probably stay a week in town. I know I ought not to do so, as it will be a week of idleness, and yet not a week of happiness. I’d sooner have an hour withyou in the country than a whole day in London. And I always feel in town that I’ve too much to do to allow of my doing anything. If it were sheer idleness I could enjoy it, but it is a feverish idleness, in which one is driven here and there, expecting some gratification which not only never comes, but which never even begins to come. I will, however, undergo a week of it, – say the last seven daysof this month, and shall trust to you to recompense me by as much of. yourself as your town doings will permit
And now again as to those home affairs. If I say nothing now I believe you will understand why I refrain. You have cunningly just left me to imply, from what you say, that all my arguments have been of no avail; but you do not answer them, or even tell me that you have decided. I shalltherefore imply nothing, and still trust to my personal eloquence for success. Or rather not trust, – not trust, but hope.
The garden is going on very well. We are rather short of water, and therefore not quite as bright as I had hoped; but we are preparing with untiring industry for future brightness. Your commands have been obeyed in all things, and Morrison always says The mistress didn’tmean this,’ or The mistress did Intend that.’ God bless the mistress is what I now say, and send her home, to her own home, to her flowers, and her fruit, and her house, and her husband, as soon as may be, with no more of these delays which are to me so grievous, and which seem to me to be so unnecessary. That is my prayer.
Yours ever and always,
J.G.
‘I didn’t give commands, ’ Alice said toherself, as she sat with the letter at her solitary breakfast-table. ‘He asked me how I liked the things, and of course I was obliged to say. I was obliged to seem to care, even if I didn’t care.’ Such were her first thoughts as she put the letter back into its envelope, after reading it the second time. When she opened it, which she did quickly, not pausing a moment lest she should suspect herselfof fearing to see what might be its contents, her mind was full of that rebuke which her aunt had anticipated, and which she had almost taught herself to expect She had torn the letter open rapidly, and had dashed at its contents with quick eyes. In half a moment she had seen what was the nature of the reply respecting the proposed companion of her tour, and then she had completed her readingslowly enough. ‘No; I gave no commands,’ she repeated to herself, as though she might thereby absolve herself from blame in reference to some possible future accusations, which might perhaps be brought against her under certain circumstances which she was contemplating.
Then she considered the letter bit by bit, taking it backwards, and sipping her tea every now and then amidst her thoughts.No; she had no home, no house, there. She had no husband; – not as yet. He spoke of their engagement as though it were a betrothal, as betrothals used to be of yore; as though they were already in some sort married. Such betrothals were not made now-a-days. There still remained, both to him and to her, a certain liberty of extricating themselves from this engagement. Should he come to her and saythat he found that their contemplated marriage would not make him happy, would not she release him without a word of reproach?
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