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probably could, but it would have been wrong, and we would have both regretted it. I don’t need any more of those on my permanent record.” I sighed and continued before he could say any of the words I knew would be coming. “To be honest, I didn’t think we would ever come back here. I thought you would be a great dad, and we could build the life you wanted, and it would all be okay. I couldn’t be her or take her place in your heart, but for a while, after Kieran was born, I didn’t think it mattered so much. I thought you would get over her, and I would forget about him, and we would have a nice life. I pictured white picket fences, carpools…you being the soccer dad.”
    He stood up, raking his fingers through his hair. “All this time, you let me think Kieran is mine when you knew damned well he couldn’t be?” He shook his head and glared at me. “I told my family about him. My mom spent this week out buying kid toys….”
    I didn’t know what to say to make it right. Guilt inched its way along my nerve endings, heating my skin with shame. “I’m sorry, Keats. I wanted to tell you a thousand times, but I couldn’t.”
    “Jocelyn hates me because of all this.” He turned his back to me, clenching and unclenching his fists.
    At the mention of her name, my vision clouded, putting a red tint on everything in my sight line. Instead of getting loud, I leaned back and crossed my arms, adding a hint of sarcasm to my tone. “Oh, that’s right. The freaking world revolves around Jocelyn, doesn’t it? And what Jocelyn feels, and how my having a baby with or without you affects Jocelyn . I can’t believe I forgot such a well-known fact.”
    “You know what I mean. I lost her again because she thinks we made a kid.” The hurt behind his words spoke louder than anything he said.
    “I’m so sorry.”
    He glanced up, doubt turning his eyes dark.
    “Really I am. I’ll talk to her. I’ll tell her what happened, or didn’t happen.”
    He turned slowly, a ghost of a smile tilting his lips. “Take my advice. Stay away from Joss for a while.”
    I sighed. “All right. I could write her a letter. Send her a text or an e-mail if you want.”
    “I better handle this one.” His shoulders slumped, and he leaned against the counter.
    “What are you going to do?”
    “Give her some time to cool off, I guess. I don’t know.” He yanked out the chair again and dropped his head onto his hand. “She’s all I want, Dani. I can’t live without her.”
    Oh, how well I knew. “Then don’t, Keats. Fight for her.”
    “She doesn’t take to that very well.”
    “Don’t be a quitter now. I didn’t come all the way home to watch you give up on the one thing you need, no matter how ridiculous I think she is.”
    “You have a way with words, Dani.” He blew out a long breath and jammed his fingers through his hair. “God, I could really use a drink right now.”
    “Yeah. Getting drunk’ll solve it.” I went to the sink for a glass of water. “Here. Try this.” The glass shook as I set it on the table. How many mistakes would I make before I finally got life right?
    “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve stayed, anyway. You didn’t have to pretend with me.”
    I sighed. “I was ashamed. I wanted to be better than the person Jocelyn tells everyone I am, but instead, I keep proving her right.” I hung my head, guilt and shame billowing through me. “I know I shouldn’t have let you believe he’s yours.”
    He shrugged, waiting for me to continue.
    “The only way I can think to fix this is to get a DNA test.”
    “It won’t prove I didn’t sleep with you.” He smiled softly. “For the record, I would be proud to have Kieran for a son.”
    I smiled softly. “You are going to be a great dad. Someday.”
    “I keep hurting her.”
    “Then stop.”
    His eyes widened.
    “Okay, this one is on me, but I can’t fix it with her. You have to do it.”
    “I know.”
    “And it has to be something big.