wasn’t every man who could pull himself out of the bleakest situation, make a life, have a kid, be a husband, and take on a respectable career.
It went without saying I was envious of him, yet no man deserved a better life more than him.
As Hunter grinned at me, I realized what I really wanted. The feeling of truly wanting something, someone, was such a one-eighty from the months of dark emptiness I almost shot off my stool and straight out the door.
Not yet though.
I had some fucking work to do first.
Chapter Six
I WASN’T ANY CLOSER to getting back in touch with Veronica or into her good graces two weeks later. I was, however, dutifully showing up for semi-weekly appointments with Doctor Cartwright. That had to be some sort of victory right there.
The new guy saw me at his office in one of the hundreds of medical buildings downtown. He was middle-aged, had thick, curly hair, and wore the classic Charleston uniform of a seersucker suit complete with a bowtie every damn time I met him. At first I couldn’t believe Veronica thought this dandy had a chance of helping me. Talk about yin and yang.
Within half an hour, I knew better than to doubt Veronica’s judgment. Maybe smart Doctor Cartwright wore the candy-striped suit so his hardcore patients would think he was a prissy pushover. Not so at all. He eased into a leather armchair, indicating I should sit in the matching one diagonally across from him.
With no how-do or unwelcome preliminaries, he cut to the chase. Opening my file, he scanned it with one fingertip while he looked at me through funky German-style glasses.
During the next few minutes, he filled in a hell of a lot of the missing blanks using what I’d told willingly to Veronica during my one and only real appointment with her, and what he must’ve learned from years of counseling vets like me.
I sat, goddamn astonished, as he nailed me to the wall with his forthright manner that was so at odds with his foppish outfit.
“This is how I see it, Bo. You have authority issues.”
Who? Me?
“Which is interesting considering you opted to work in a highly constricted career, therefore guaranteeing you always had to answer to higher-ups even when you were platoon leader. You resent the Marines and think they made you become something you never wanted to be. At the same time you want to be able to be proud of what you achieved, your successful missions, the lives you saved and the service you gave, but you won’t allow it because of those final lives lost in the field.”
Doctor Cartwright paused to take a cloth to the lenses of his glasses.
“These issues, and the triggers that come with them, are certainly problematic. There are also basic personality concerns, in that you believe you should act a certain way when your mental makeup decrees there’s not just one path for you. You are certainly dangerous, but what you’ve done has been for honor and duty and the right reasons. Yet, you don’t trust yourself. You think you’re capable of harming harmless people.”
Nailed it again.
“We’re going to cover a lot of ground, Bo. And you’ll have to figure out what you want for yourself, what you want for your future.” Closing the file he’d barely glanced at, he uncrossed his legs. “This isn’t going to be a walk in the park. It’s going to be a walk through a minefield, the minefield caused by your mind.” Leaning forward over his knees, he stared at me with steady intensity. “Make no mistake, I can help you, but you need to be one hundred percent on board.”
Jesus. I swallowed hard. I almost felt like weeping. I believed him so deeply my gut unclenched and my jaw untensed. “I’m in.”
Over the course of my hour-long sessions with Doctor Cartwright, it wasn’t as hard, talking freely to him. First of all, I wasn’t attracted to him so I certainly didn’t have to worry about him judging me from the standpoint of someone I wanted to be a potential lover. Second,
It went without saying I was envious of him, yet no man deserved a better life more than him.
As Hunter grinned at me, I realized what I really wanted. The feeling of truly wanting something, someone, was such a one-eighty from the months of dark emptiness I almost shot off my stool and straight out the door.
Not yet though.
I had some fucking work to do first.
Chapter Six
I WASN’T ANY CLOSER to getting back in touch with Veronica or into her good graces two weeks later. I was, however, dutifully showing up for semi-weekly appointments with Doctor Cartwright. That had to be some sort of victory right there.
The new guy saw me at his office in one of the hundreds of medical buildings downtown. He was middle-aged, had thick, curly hair, and wore the classic Charleston uniform of a seersucker suit complete with a bowtie every damn time I met him. At first I couldn’t believe Veronica thought this dandy had a chance of helping me. Talk about yin and yang.
Within half an hour, I knew better than to doubt Veronica’s judgment. Maybe smart Doctor Cartwright wore the candy-striped suit so his hardcore patients would think he was a prissy pushover. Not so at all. He eased into a leather armchair, indicating I should sit in the matching one diagonally across from him.
With no how-do or unwelcome preliminaries, he cut to the chase. Opening my file, he scanned it with one fingertip while he looked at me through funky German-style glasses.
During the next few minutes, he filled in a hell of a lot of the missing blanks using what I’d told willingly to Veronica during my one and only real appointment with her, and what he must’ve learned from years of counseling vets like me.
I sat, goddamn astonished, as he nailed me to the wall with his forthright manner that was so at odds with his foppish outfit.
“This is how I see it, Bo. You have authority issues.”
Who? Me?
“Which is interesting considering you opted to work in a highly constricted career, therefore guaranteeing you always had to answer to higher-ups even when you were platoon leader. You resent the Marines and think they made you become something you never wanted to be. At the same time you want to be able to be proud of what you achieved, your successful missions, the lives you saved and the service you gave, but you won’t allow it because of those final lives lost in the field.”
Doctor Cartwright paused to take a cloth to the lenses of his glasses.
“These issues, and the triggers that come with them, are certainly problematic. There are also basic personality concerns, in that you believe you should act a certain way when your mental makeup decrees there’s not just one path for you. You are certainly dangerous, but what you’ve done has been for honor and duty and the right reasons. Yet, you don’t trust yourself. You think you’re capable of harming harmless people.”
Nailed it again.
“We’re going to cover a lot of ground, Bo. And you’ll have to figure out what you want for yourself, what you want for your future.” Closing the file he’d barely glanced at, he uncrossed his legs. “This isn’t going to be a walk in the park. It’s going to be a walk through a minefield, the minefield caused by your mind.” Leaning forward over his knees, he stared at me with steady intensity. “Make no mistake, I can help you, but you need to be one hundred percent on board.”
Jesus. I swallowed hard. I almost felt like weeping. I believed him so deeply my gut unclenched and my jaw untensed. “I’m in.”
Over the course of my hour-long sessions with Doctor Cartwright, it wasn’t as hard, talking freely to him. First of all, I wasn’t attracted to him so I certainly didn’t have to worry about him judging me from the standpoint of someone I wanted to be a potential lover. Second,
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