Read Online Berry Scene by Dornford Yates - Free Book Online Page B

Berry could speak—
    “You wicked bird,” he said. “And on a Monday, too. You – you ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
    The Evil One laughed heartily.
    “Of course, you’re abandoned,” said Berry. “Old in sin. How’s Proserpine?”
    The Evil One appeared to digest this.
    Then—
    “You’re a one,” it observed.
    Berry swallowed.
    “The trouble with you,” he said, “is that you don’t know your catechism. What about ordering yourself lowly and reverently to all your betters?”
    “Shut your face,” said the parrot shortly.
    Berry moistened his lips.
    “I’m not surprised,” he said, “at the name you bear. Here am I, only too ready to converse—”
    “Give paw,” said The Evil One.
    Berry looked at Diana.
    “He means it,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “He’s taken a fancy to you. Put your hand on the table.”
    Berry laid his hand on the table, beside his plate.
    Carefully The Evil One inspected it. Then he stepped on to Berry’s palm and began to move up his arm.
    We watched his progress breathlessly.
    When he had reached Berry’s shoulder, he whispered in Berry’s ear.
    “No, not really?” said Berry. “Did you see them?”
    He laughed – and the parrot with him, as though enjoying some scandal, unfit for our ears.
    Before this absurd communion, we all broke down.
    As soon as she could speak—
    “I can’t bear to interrupt you,” said Diana, “but there’s a wasp on your collar – going up.”
    “Well, get it off, someone,” said Berry. “I – I’m deeply engaged. My movement might be misconstrued. Besides, I don’t know where it is.”
    “Quite still,” said Jonah, rising. “It’s passing on to your neck.”
    “Oh, hell,” said Berry. “I can feel it.”
    “No, you don’t,” said the parrot.
    “What d’you mean,” said Berry, “–‘No, you don’t’? A BF – that’s what you are. Why don’t you do it in?”
    Bent double with laughter, Jonah was unable to help, and the wasp crawled doggedly forward, towards Berry’s ear,
    “My God,” said Berry, “for the milk of human kindness, will nobody intervene?”
    By a superhuman effort, my cousin straightened his back; but, as he approached his finger, to flick the insect away, the parrot read into his gesture a coming assault. With hackles raised, The Evil One rose in his wrath and aimed such a blow at his hand that, had it ‘connected’, would have cut the flesh to the bone.
    “It’s all right, old fellow,” said Jonah, “I’m—”
    “It isn’t all right,” raged Berry. “Why the devil don’t you—”
    “He can’t,” shrieked Daphne. “The parrot—”
    “Damn the parrot,” roared Berry. “I’m talking about the wasp.”
    “But the parrot won’t let him.”
    “Won’t let who?” yelled Berry.
    “He’s a drunken swab,” said The Evil One.
    “So he is,” said Berry, unconsciously turning his head. The movement was fatal – he was immediately stung.
    With a squeal of pain, he started up to his feet: but for this, the parrot was unready, and, to save itself, it laid hold of Berry’s collar with all its might.
    “A-a-ah, there’s another,” roared Berry. “I feel the swine. I tell you, I’m swarming with them. Why the devil doesn’t somebody—”
    “It’s qui-quite all right,” wailed Diana. “It’s only—”
    “All right?” screeched Berry. “There’s one down my neck – I can feel it. Am I to stand here and be murdered before your eyes?”
    With that, he inserted his finger beneath the parrot’s beak…
    Could we have helped, we would have: but we were so weak with laughter that we could not stand up; and when Berry, feeling the beak, believed it to be a stag-beetle, and, presenting his neck to Diana, implored her to pick it off, the vials of mirth were poured out.
    And then the inevitable happened.
    Sick of Berry’s efforts to take from him what hold he had, The Evil One lodged the only protest he knew…
    Staunching the wound with his