passport, what to pack, where to buy tickets. She even said she’d send over the money for our fares. At the end of it all she said, ‘What about Simon?’
I didn’t know what to think about him. Right then, I wondered whether to tell him anything at all.
‘You can’t just leave without a word,’ Mum said. ‘That’s an awful thing to do.’
‘You’re right, it is horrible. But he did it to me.’
CHAPTER FIVE
I’VE LOST HIM
I swear Gatwick Airport was bigger than any town I’d ever been to. When you’ve just got off an overnight, five-hour National Express coach journey, it seems even more alien. Although it was pitch-black outside, the whole building was illuminated like a film set. I was nineteen years old and completely out of my depth.
Ben took it all in his stride. Dressed in his favourite red dungarees, a little white shirt and trainers, and clutching his favourite cow from his farmyard animal set, he just toddled alongside me as I tried to fathom where to go. I don’t think he’d ever seen so many people in one place. He loved it. He kept stopping, pointing at one of the brightly lit shop fronts, and saying, ‘Pretty.’ He was such a content little fellow. Nothing fazed him.
I wish I could say the same for me. I kept repeating, ‘We’re going to see Nana, we’re going to see Nana,’ as much to remind myself of why I was putting us through this ordeal as to comfort him.
I’d not so much as set foot on a boat before, let alone a plane. I was terrified, but I couldn’t show it. If Ben got a sniff that I was scared he’d be uncontrollable. I had to make him think that whatever was about to happen was the most normal thing in the world. Like a bus with wings.
That’s easy enough when you’re strapping yourself and your little boy in. It becomes a lot harder when you hear the roar of the engines, you’re flung back into your seat and all you can think is, How is this huge lump of metal that’s bigger than the coach we travelled down in ever going to get off the ground?
The air stewardesses were lovely and because there were spare seats either side of us, they let Ben have his own one until landing, when he’d have to go back on my lap. Keeping him occupied for four hours was a challenge but we had his animals and colouring-in books, and there was a meal that was more distracting than filling. By the time he fell asleep after it, I was exhausted.
As I looked out of the window across the vast expanse of white clouds, I thought about what I was doing. Was I mad, upping sticks and travelling to a country I’d never even visited? It was one thing Mum and Dad doing it. They had careers, skills, experience, a bit of money behind them. I was a teenage mum with a toddler. What on earth was I going to do there?
At least I’d have Simon. I’d relented and told him about my plans and he hadn’t exploded. He knew how much I missed my family and how it was breaking my heart being separated from them. Even so, when I asked him to come and start afresh over there, I was surprised when he said, ‘Okay.’ Maybe I was even a bit disappointed. Still, with all three of us going, the excitement in the house for a few weeks was tangible.
We agreed that Simon would stay and sell up our larger belongings, then join me and Ben when he’d settled everything. That might take a week, maybe a month. At least with his building background, he wouldn’t have trouble finding work.
If take-off had been challenging then landing was an ordealfrom start to finish. Ben was still sound asleep when the seatbelt signs went on. I managed to scoop him up and got him safely belted in, and I just hoped he’d stay asleep till we touched down. I didn’t want him to see me panicking.
Mum had warned me what to expect but nothing can prepare you for that sensation as the plane slows and starts to sink through the clouds, leaving your tummy higher up. We’re going to crash! was all I could think. When Ben woke up
I didn’t know what to think about him. Right then, I wondered whether to tell him anything at all.
‘You can’t just leave without a word,’ Mum said. ‘That’s an awful thing to do.’
‘You’re right, it is horrible. But he did it to me.’
CHAPTER FIVE
I’VE LOST HIM
I swear Gatwick Airport was bigger than any town I’d ever been to. When you’ve just got off an overnight, five-hour National Express coach journey, it seems even more alien. Although it was pitch-black outside, the whole building was illuminated like a film set. I was nineteen years old and completely out of my depth.
Ben took it all in his stride. Dressed in his favourite red dungarees, a little white shirt and trainers, and clutching his favourite cow from his farmyard animal set, he just toddled alongside me as I tried to fathom where to go. I don’t think he’d ever seen so many people in one place. He loved it. He kept stopping, pointing at one of the brightly lit shop fronts, and saying, ‘Pretty.’ He was such a content little fellow. Nothing fazed him.
I wish I could say the same for me. I kept repeating, ‘We’re going to see Nana, we’re going to see Nana,’ as much to remind myself of why I was putting us through this ordeal as to comfort him.
I’d not so much as set foot on a boat before, let alone a plane. I was terrified, but I couldn’t show it. If Ben got a sniff that I was scared he’d be uncontrollable. I had to make him think that whatever was about to happen was the most normal thing in the world. Like a bus with wings.
That’s easy enough when you’re strapping yourself and your little boy in. It becomes a lot harder when you hear the roar of the engines, you’re flung back into your seat and all you can think is, How is this huge lump of metal that’s bigger than the coach we travelled down in ever going to get off the ground?
The air stewardesses were lovely and because there were spare seats either side of us, they let Ben have his own one until landing, when he’d have to go back on my lap. Keeping him occupied for four hours was a challenge but we had his animals and colouring-in books, and there was a meal that was more distracting than filling. By the time he fell asleep after it, I was exhausted.
As I looked out of the window across the vast expanse of white clouds, I thought about what I was doing. Was I mad, upping sticks and travelling to a country I’d never even visited? It was one thing Mum and Dad doing it. They had careers, skills, experience, a bit of money behind them. I was a teenage mum with a toddler. What on earth was I going to do there?
At least I’d have Simon. I’d relented and told him about my plans and he hadn’t exploded. He knew how much I missed my family and how it was breaking my heart being separated from them. Even so, when I asked him to come and start afresh over there, I was surprised when he said, ‘Okay.’ Maybe I was even a bit disappointed. Still, with all three of us going, the excitement in the house for a few weeks was tangible.
We agreed that Simon would stay and sell up our larger belongings, then join me and Ben when he’d settled everything. That might take a week, maybe a month. At least with his building background, he wouldn’t have trouble finding work.
If take-off had been challenging then landing was an ordealfrom start to finish. Ben was still sound asleep when the seatbelt signs went on. I managed to scoop him up and got him safely belted in, and I just hoped he’d stay asleep till we touched down. I didn’t want him to see me panicking.
Mum had warned me what to expect but nothing can prepare you for that sensation as the plane slows and starts to sink through the clouds, leaving your tummy higher up. We’re going to crash! was all I could think. When Ben woke up
Similar Books
